Feeling a bit fed up...

I would tell him to grow up and stop acting like a child. As if he would miss his daughters wedding because his ex wife is there.

My parents are divorced and remarried and neither set are keen on the other but they are sucking it up and dealing with it and at one point were even going to sit at the same table!

To be honest, it sounds as if whatever you do, he'll turn his nose up.

Do what YOU want...if he realises you're not going to be messed about by him, he'll probably buck his ideas up.

And if he doesn't, it's his loss.

My parents have been split up for 10 years now, my mum has remarried but dad has never moved on, dad's side of the family are still bitter and still make horrible comments about my mum, so I know none of them will be...pleasant towards her on the wedding day which will be a permanent worry for me.

When I was a teenager my dad always said that my wedding day wouldn't be the proudest day of his life. Now it's come to actually organising the big day I feel like he couldn't care less. Sometimes I do feel like just running away to get married but that wouldn't be fair on h2b's family as they are so supportive!

I know I should tell me dad if he doesn't sort it out then he won't see me get married but I can honestly say if I get married without him he will not want anything to do with me. ☹️

I just do not know what to do! X

Is this a typo? I know it's hard, but you really do have to stand your ground. Just because your dad hasn't moved on, doesn't mean he should punish you by not allowing you to have both parents at your wedding, and for them to be civil to each other. Your wedding day is about you and your OH, anyone who tries to take that away from you needs to be out in their place. If it was me I would either do it by ourselves them come back and have 2 parties (1 for dads side and 1 for mums side and friends and OH family can choose or just come to both), or do it exactly how we wanted and tell them to stop being so childish and be happy for me. If any one, family or not, started being horrible to someone else at my wedding they would be less-than-politely told to pee off and stay away from my wedding until they could act like human beings. Also, if your dad doesn't like your OH, then he also jst needs to suck it up about that. He's not the first parent to not agree with their son/daughter's choice in partner, but it's your "mistake" to make and he should just suppport you in that decision if he can see the OH makes you happy x

Yes it was a typo, sorry!

I agree with what you're saying, and I have been told by a few people that if there was any drama at the wedding they would sort things out for me, but no one can sort out the horrible atmosphere that will be hovering above the family all day? I'm seriously considering going away with just h2b and close friends to get wed. If my dad wasn't being so difficult this wouldn't be happening!

Perhaps say something like 'Dad, I know that you don't get on with Mum, but this is my wedding day. If you want me to choose between either you or Mum being there, I won't. You are both my parents, I love you both the same, and you are both equally invited. ' ? x

Isn't there anyway of just making sure they stay away from each other? I would hope that, on the day, they will all be enjoying themselves too much to make too much of a fuss. I would definitely sit your dad down and speak to him, even if you end up crying all the way through and doing that barely understanable bry/talk that us girls love to do. You need to explain to him that the day is about you and ask why him not wanting to be in the same room as your mum is more important to him than your wedding day. Even if it takes a while, if you can get him on your side and agree to be civil, remind him he doesn't ever have to speak to her or really go anywhere near her, just not purposely go over and say something nasty, he might be able to persuade the rest of his family to do the same.

If there relly is no way of changing his mind, and you can't do it with only one of them there, then grab your MOH and OH's BM and get yourselves away somehwere hot x

ETA cry/talk*

I've already tried "surely walking me down the aisle is more important than not wanting to be in the same room as mum" and he said "surely having me at your wedding is more important than having your mum there? Me or her - it's your choice".

Thank you so much for your advice ladies xx

Do you and your mum not get on that well then? Or is he just being a bum face and making it awkward? x

I can somewhat relate - OH's parents aren't coming to the wedding as they've decided they don't like me (they've never met me). I can't understand the mentality of someone who would miss their child's wedding, when I have children there is nothing that would make me not want to go. My OH was devastated for a long time, and eventually he realised that they are the ones missing out on seeing their son get married, we're still going to have a wonderful day regardless of whether they're there or not. If your dad can't suck it up and be in the same room as your mum for a day or be happy for you that you've found love regardless of his personal feelings towards your OH, then he's the one missing out.

Unless you have a horrendous relationship with your mum and she has been really horrible to you then there's no excuse for that. Someone who truly cares about your happiness and has your best interests at heart wouldn't make you choose.

100% this. If I love two people the same amount and one of them made me choose between them, I would always choose the one who isn't making me cut someone important out of my life x

I have a lovely relationship with my mum and she would nevei a million years mae m chooe. My da is just bitter and twisted man who is also very controlling! X

Wow sorry for the typos! X

If he's going to be like that then maybe you should be like that too. tell him that if he doesnt walk you down the aisle then your mum will. he wonmt like that!

It really sounds like he's more interested in hating your mum than thinking about you. I would be tempted to just invite them both and if he doesn't like it then it's his choice to turn up or not. As hard as it will be not having him there, it really doesn't sound like he's bothered about it so it's his loss. It might just be a macho thing and he's hoping you'll feel bad enough to not invite your mum so he gets his way, but he'd have to be seriously heartless to ruin his daughters special day. I really hope you can sort things out xx

This sounds like a really cliche thing to say but your wedding day should be about you and your H2B so you should do it the way you want to do it and if any one else doesn't like it they're the one with the problem not you. I had to keep telling myself this as although I didn't have the same sort of problems as you a few members of my family turned their noses up at our plans - we're getting married in Vegas and have only invited parents and siblings although I think H2B would have preferred it just to be us two but I couldn't imagine not having my parents their. I think your Dad is been extremely selfish and needs to put his feelings aside and respect whatever you and your H2B choose to do xx

Thank you so much ladies! Your advice is much appreciated xxx

He Is being childish, unfair and disrespectful towards you. It's YOUR day, so for one day only he should put his feelings aside and make an effort. My parents are divorced and don't get on that ell but I can rely on them 100% to behave when they have to!

I'm really sorry if this offends you it isn't meant to but I can't believe how childish your Dad is behaving. I'm lucky enough not to have parents that are split up BUT god forbid they were and one of them started behaving like that - i'd tell them to stay at home.

This is yours and your H2B day and if he wants to miss out then so be it! I don't understand anyone that wants to muscle in and spoil things for people and how you can do that to your daughter is inexcusable. I'm so sorry if my words are harsh but I just can't believe someone could be so selfish to behave like that!

My dad had the same attitude of "I pay for your wedding, as long as your mum doesn't turn up". Pretty sad that after almost 20 years of divorce he had that attitude. I don't think my mum would have too comfortable in the situation but she would have put up with it for me. Tbh, I'm kinda glad he had that attitude as god knows what drama he would have caused on the day.

A couple of years ago I had falling out with my dad & i don't think he even knows through the family grapevine that I'm engaged. If someone made me chose between them & someone else there I don't want them there.

Call your dad's bluff, say that you want oth parents there & if he chooses not to be there then so be it. It sounds he wants to throw his toys out of the pram so let him do it & hopefully he'll come round.

WSS

Any parent should be behind their children 100% without question, i wouldn't change my day for anyone because i know later on i may regret it, i would not have either of my parents dictate to me on who i had at my wedding x

I really feel for you, this is such an awful position to be in.

I am anticipating issues with my parents who have also been divorced years and years. It's my mum who is particularly bitter and while right now she's just not interested in the wedding, I can see there being lots of drama last year. She caused so much hassle about our engagement drinks that I almost cancelled my trip home for them (all in a passive aggressive manner mind you so it would be hard for others to see)

Tinytottori was exactly right when she said it sounds like your dad is more interested in hating your mum. I certainly feel that way about any issues that may arise with my family. While I don't expect a family reunion, if they can't sit and be civil for one day for me then it's a case that their hate for each other far exceeds their love for me. I'm hoping it doesn't get to having to use that line.

At the end of the day you need to do what's right for H2B and you. If this is all getting too stressful then have your wedding elsewhere certainly. But if you have always wanted to marry at home then do that, just point out to your dad that your mum will certainly be attending, that he is very welcome but that if he cannot live with that then that's his choice.

As so many others have said, at the end of the day it's about you and H2B being man and wife so do your best to concentrate on that and ignore people who try to cause stress.

PS (and feel free to check this thread and kick my a$$ this time next year when I will prob be asking the same questions and ignoring my own advice)

I can't add anything that the other ladies haven't already said. He is being incredibly selfish and childish. It's very easy for us all to say that you should go away to be married, or to tell him that he can like it or lump it, but obviously it's so incredibly difficult when you're in the situation yourself. I hope that your dad comes around and realises that his love for you should be stronger than his feelings of hatred for your mum. I feel a little sorry for him that he's so consumed with negativity that he feels he can't put aside. It must be very draining! *hugs*

My granddad came to the wedding, in Turkey, even though he'd never travelled in his life. He chose to and your grandparents will have that choice themselves too. Plus you can always record it if they can't come and let them watch it.

My opinion in these things is that you have to be a little selfish, this is about yours and your H2B's first steps together as a married couple and you don't want that to be tinged with resentment that you couldn't have what you wanted.

On the other hand, if you read some of my posts, you will see that my sister is brave, I am not....and giving advice is a lot easier than taking it.

K

My parents hate each other but they were able to put aside for 1 day. They werent on the same table but they just avoided each other all day (do have 1 photo of me, now husband (yay), sister with mum and dad. Very pleased they were able to be adults.

Your dad needs to grow up and learn its not all about him.

I just want to say thank you to all your ladies for your advice - I have now decided to stick to my original plan to marry in England instead of running away abroad just to escape my dad, and if he's not happy then he'll be the one to regret it!

Thank you xxx