Has anyone divorced and kept their married name?

I'm planning to because I want to keep the same surname as my children, I think I will keep the Mrs too as I really don't like Ms at all

Two of my friends parents divorced and both women kept their married names and Mrs. Both have now gone on to have long term relationships with other people and are still Mrs MarriedName.

My mil kept her married name and used Ms for more than 20 years but about 2 years ago changed back to her maiden name. The only problem now is she keeps forgetting I'm not Mrs <her maiden name>.

Ms. isn't for divorced people, that's a common misconception. In the strictest technical/formal sense you would be Mrs. Yourfirstname Ex-husband's last, but in practice you could opt for Mrs., Ms. or Miss, whichever you prefer.

No personal experience, but there's a famous female philosopher who was divorced decades ago from a really famous philosopher who recently died, and she kept his name (once you've started publishing in one name you have to stick with it really). I often wonder whether she finds it a help or hindrance!

My Mil went back to her maiden name after first wedding, and used Miss. She married again, and is divorced again but still uses Mrs and her married name.

Bizarrely, she changed H2B and his brothers name to her 2nd Husbands name, so when we get married I'll be taking a name thats nothing to do with the family anymore!

Bec, my paternal grandfather was brought up with his step-father's name, but changed it to his own father's name just before he married my grandmother.

My Mum kept her married name after she divorced her first husband, but I have no idea what she did about her title. She's on hols so I can't ask her. You've made me curious HB!

My MIL kept my FILs surname when they divorced - I think she wanted to keep the same surname as her children. Dont know what she did about Mrs/Ms etc - I'm guessing she kept the Mrs.

Thats the opposite of what the ettiquette sources said Ms. Scarlett - they said it was for divorced women who kept their husbands name? I got that from googling yesterday anyway but I was suprised as I had thought Ms was for when you didn't want people to know if you were married or not? As I say I don't like Ms so will stay Mrs or bite the bullet maybe and go back to Miss but that doesn't feel right either?

Which etiquette sources? Ms. is for exactly the case you mention, as the female equivalent of Mr. I think in the US Ms. is often used for divorced women but it certainly isn't any kind of rule even there, so I would question those sources. I was Ms. from the age of about 16.

My mum married when she was 19 and divorced when she was 40. 14 years on, and she's still Mrs Marriedname. I've never fully understood this, but she wanted to keep the same name a) because brother and I were both children, so wanted us to all have the same name (I do get this completely); and, b)she'd spent longer as Mrs Marriedname than Miss Maidenname, so didn't want to change (I get this less).

BFF got divored after a short marriage (but long relationship) and immediately reverted back to her maiden name. Which is good, as I'd never changed her in my phone directory

What Ms Scarlett said - I have been Ms M before, during and after my marriage.

I have kept my married surname, but mostly put 'Ms' when I fill in forms. Although my bank cards still say Mrs, which I will get changed at some point.

I mostly put 'Ms' so that people at hotel checkins etc don't refer to my OH as my husband, or Mr My Ex's Surname, which would obviously annoy him somewhat ?

I can't be arsed to change it back legally, what with all the cost of new passport and having to send off official documents etc, .

The only two women I know who use Ms are my Mum and my MiL.

Mum has been Ms Maiden-name before, during and after her marriage.

MiL has never married and has always been Ms Maiden-name.

I probably would have chosen to be Ms Maiden-name when we married if I hadn't been Dr first (nice gender/marital status neutral title!).

Once I was divorced from 1st husband I changed back to Miss maiden name. Didn't see the point in keeping a mans name that I was no longer with.

From the other point of view, those of you with OH's who have been married before, does it bother you if their ex's have kept their married name?

I don't think about it often so it's not a big issue but it does make me a tad uncomfortable that OH's ex has kept his name. I understand that it's the same as their son's but she's since had a daughter by another man so doesn't share a surname with her...I think it maybe bothers me because if we were to get married I would want to be the only Mrs OH's surname - if that makes sense. (We all get on great so there's no issues in that respect)

Ms Scarlett - it was just various sites I'd picked off google at random. Not saying they are right, just saying that's what they said (to my suprise).

That's kind of what's prompted me to post this - OH was filling out a form and he asked if he could put me down as Ms X or Miss X rather than Mrs X as it seems odd that we're together and I'm still using Mrs X. Its not the X (surname of my ex husband) that bothers him, its more that use the word Mrs. I told him no chance was he using Ms or Miss, if he didn't like me being called Mrs X then he knows what he can do about it ? ie we can get married then that would sort out that problem ?

For the record I don't have kids with my ex husband, I wasn't Mrs X for longer than I was my maiden name but its just something I never got round to changing and if I'm completely honest, its a lovely surname which people comment on how nice it is whenever I have to give my name and when I'd spent the first 24 years of my life being Miss One-of-the-most-common-surnames-in-England-who-noone-ever-commented-on, it's nice to have a nice name.

H and I went through a very bumpy patch in feb and I still don't think were through it, if we split up I will be keeping my married name for our daughters sake and would only change it on remarriage.

See I do understand that and would probably do the same as her, I would feel that the new baby would take it fathers name and therefore they would have that in common but I would also worry about my oldest child and I would want us to have our name in common IYSWIM? There is also the point of course that anymore than two surnames in one house could start to get very confusing - especially with two kids at school who have different names from each other and from there mother. Also have you thought that she might be planning to marry again and therefore doens't see the point in changing her name just yet?

When I married my exH he had a double barrelled surname, and no-one could pronounce or spell the second half, so when we separated I dropped the second half so I kind of have his (and our childrens) name, and kind of not. I used Ms for a bit, but thought it made me sound bitter, so I am just Miss [first half of exes double barrelled name] now.

If I had any children with my now fiance, they would have his surname. I want to have the same surname as my children, not the same surname as my ex, but he wouldn't let me change their names even if I wanted to (I don't). I would change my name on marriage to that of my fiance.

I am in the same boat as you HB so I'm glad you posted this except I double barrelled with my ex-H and while I always had an unusual surname (foreign) I still like the two names together. The 1st time new OH and I stayed in a hotel he winced when he saw our names on the receipt as Mrs MyName-ExH'sName & Mr New BF so when we stayed away recently I booked in under Mrs MaidenName and Mr New BF but I'm still not sure which route to take. I like to acknowledge I was a Mrs, Miss just doenst seem right but I realise it is odd to still carry Mr Ex-H's part of my surname seeing as how we have no children.....

Hmm, its an odd one and I've not helped at all but I will watch this thread with interest if I may! ?

I hope things are resolved for you Helen - in whichever way will make you happier ?

It certainly is all very confusing ? She has been with her current boyfriend for quite a while but they have no plans to marry. Her daughter isn't his so there are currently three different surnames in the house (her's and my OH's son's, her dughter's and her boyfriend's). So it's probably a good job she hasn't reverted back to her maiden name or there would be four ? (although saying that, I'm not sure on her daughter's surname so she might have her mum's name (and therefore my OH's which would be weird) that's not occured to me before, I'll have to ask him later)

It isn't somehting that overly bothers me but I just feel a little uncomfortable about it. I also don't know if she is a Miss, Ms or Mrs either.

I have toyed with most names. I was Miss until I discovered feminism in my mid teens, then was Ms Maidenname. Then I became DrMaidenName. Then I got married and I have two names: DrMaidenName when I'm at work and MrsMarriedName at home. I like having two names; it's useful.

I answer to most things really, these days. Given a choice I'm Ms Marriedname, which I know is a bit unusual. I'm just allergice to the word "Mrs" it just sounds like "ooer, missus" and female impersonators to me, for no good reason. I'm far too ancient to get away with "Miss" and got called it every day for years as a teacher, so I don't like that either ?. I changed my name from mine to his when we married largely because I liked his better and fancied a change.

Don't know what I'd do if we split up, I think I'd go back to my maiden name but then I get called that in dealings with my elder son (who has my surname) anyway, so whatever I do I'll have different surname to at least one of my children!

Is it just me who finds it surprising that so many women still take their husbands' names on marriage? Obviously people should do what they want and I've got no problem with it, it just seems so archaic.

I think a lot of people (not necessarily on Hitched) do it without really thinking about it because that's what they've known as the norm. Whereas my Mum never changed her name and that was the norm I grew up with so seemed automatic for me.

Don't shoot me down in flames, and I know everyone has their own reasons for doing so, but to be totally honest I was surprised at how many women on OT who I see as pretty feminist have taken their H's name (not meaning anyone in particular, just in general). Nowt wrong with it, of course, just surprised me.

Me too. I also have no problem with it but it does surprise me. What surprises me more though is the amount of people who do seem to have a problem with me not taking my H's name. And then insist on addressing me as Mrs myname when my title is Dr. I can't quite decide if they're trying to make a point or not.

Perhaps this has to do with children too? If you and your husband are planning to start a family then you would all have the same name. I was not bothered about keeping my maiden name and would not revert to it now. At the time we married my ex offered to take my maiden name but it was difficult to spell and I was teased about it when I was at school

Dr S.T., I agree it's rude to address you by the wrong name like that, but I wouldn't get offended by the Dr./Mrs. thing. Many people entitled to use Dr. don't really use it outside work contexts (I do because I like to show off, but I am still always secretly terrified of being asked to provide medical assistance on an aeroplane?) H is Dr. as well and gets called Mr. all the time.

I've found that people often assume a woman has or will change her name on marriage, even if they are open-minded/educated/well-travelled etc. I have two names because, as Rache says, it can be useful (for all kinds of nefarious purposes...)

Madam Jodie, surely it isn't necessary for members of a family to have the same surname?

Nope, not at all but for some people it is important. I was simply giving a reason as to why women take the name of their husbands. It's important to me to have the same surname as my sons which is why I have kept my married name. It's all about personal preference in the end, we can just try to understand the motivation of others.

But they know I don't use Mrs. They've been told time and time again that it's Dr yet still insist on doing it. I think it's pretty rude to insist on using the wrong title when someone has asked you not to. I wouldn't dream of addressing people who have changed their name as "Miss maidenname" and it should work both ways.

I took my first husband's name and kept it when we divorced and then when I remarried five years ago, I took my second husband's name. I am a pretty independant person but love that we have the same name - not sure why but it just makes me feel good. I'm not sure I would call it archaic because lots of people do it and it is not something that I would class as either old-fashioned or modern and I guess it is all down to personal choice as you say.

What I do think is good is that women now feel they can keep their maiden name if they want - years ago it would have been frowned upon but now it is completely normal to do this.

I didn't change my name automatically - I wasn't particularly bothered either way, could see pros and cons, so I asked my H and he said that he liked the idea of us sharing a family name so I said ok I would.

Given neither H or I think he now "owns" me because I changed my surname, I'm not sure why it should be a feminist issue?