Have I done the wrong thing

Are there any of her friends attending without their partners?

We didn't invite partners we didn't know but we would have if they would be a bit of a gooseberry without them there.

Personally if the other 3 have got partners, I would have invited hers. She might feel really left out if they're all coupley. I know you don't know him, but if it makes her feel more confident etc, then she should have a guest too. Also it might seem like you're saying her relationship is not as important/strong as the others (had this within my own friendship group and have never felt more betrayed/upset!). Is it worth falling out with the friend over, as this may well happen!

We have 3 male friends who are also good friends with said friend (known all through school), although they don't have girlfriends they will be coming alone.

What constitutes as a long term partner?

Bah. Perhaps I was thinking too literally when I thought about inviting people we wanted to spend our day with and trying to keep numbers down. I did contemplate not inviting any partners. But then would they have not all complained when other friends are there with theres (would would otherwise be there alone).

I have been invited to a wedding where my partner wasn't invited to the day and I wasn't especially bothered, he came along to the evening. Lol.

If they'd been together a year then yes I'd have invited them for sure, whether I met them or not.

Just to clarify - I didn't - but only if it meant they weren't coming alone.

To be honest I don't really have a clue how long they've been together, I imagine its around a year, but she kept it secret for some time before telling us. I didn't find out til last Oct for sure, although she'd told another friend in the September.

Sigh

My 2 cousins have partners but I barely know them and not sure how long exactly they've been together but not very long I think,
I thought it was a bit rude to invite them to the day but not with partners as I thought that was the done thing, so we just invited them all to the evening.
They might wonder why they haven't been invited to the day but I wasn't prepared to fork out £140 for 2 people I don't know, bad as that may sound

We have not invited partners to our wedding but in my circle of friends we don't generally socialise as a group with our partners anyway so that's nothing unusual for us, apparently one of OH'S friends partner is apparently fuming but guess what we don't care because we don't know him.

This. But maybe I do need to look at the bigger picture.

Worst thing is, we partly did it due to numbers and cost, but then FMIL told us we didn't need to invite two of her siblings who she had previously requested come - so we now have more space. (After invites have gone out)

How close are you exactly to the friend? You could explain that moneys tight etc and say in the nicest way that her OH is welcome to come to the evening, or if she wants she can just go to reception with him and leave the daytime? If you're really close though you might need to make the sacrifice for her sake and just invite him? Tough one really, I told myself i'd stop getting stressed over who to invite it and go with who we want, and if people don't like it then tough they don't need to come lol. It's all stressful enough without guest worries adding to it

Unfortunately, and I can totally see where you're coming from on this, I think you should have invited him considering the situation. One of my bridesmaids' boyfriend clearly has no interest in getting to know any of my group of friends - they've been together 7 years (yes7!) and I've literally said about two words to him. He never comes to ANYTHING despite always being invited, and tbh it's really rude! BUT, my friend is important to me, and she's my bridesmaid, so I could never not invite him to our wedding, as much as I'd rather not!!! She's from my group of school friends and all the others who have boyfriends/husbands are invited, so it would just be too mean not to invite him.

She is a good friend, have known her for years. I told myself we wouldn't get worked up over invites and stick to our guns, but it's hard when things like this crop up.

Well in that case i'd say it'd probably be best to invite him too, much of an annoyance it is i'd do it for her sake.
As I say with my cousins it was invite them all to the day or all together to evening so we chose later but as she's already been invited to day I think for the sake of your friendship you're maybe best gritting your teeth and asking him too x

In your friends position I think I would have been upset, not because I'd have felt like a gooseberry but because I felt my OH was being excluded from the social circle and wasn't being accepted for some reason and that our relationship wasn't a valid one in the eyes of my friends.

Even though he is being invited to the evening?

Yes. It's like saying he is not special enough to come to the day event.

I think these sorts of situations count for all or nothing. Seeing as you have invited the other threes partners you have to invite hers.

Just my own personal feelings on it but to me it would feel like people didn't take us seriously as a couple. I had a situation a few years ago, SIL's wedding was "family children only". My youngest son, my partner's child, was invited, my older two children who he has raised for the last 5 years, weren't.

We offered everyone a plus-one. I would have felt rude if I hadn't. I understand why others don't. But I definitely wouldn't have given out a few plus-ones and then withheld one because I didn't consider the length of the relationship deemed them 'valid' for an invite. I'd be peeved if on the receiving end.

ETA: I just read up and icklefee covered it.

Indeed. I invited someone I can't STAND because my friend is with him, and my loyalty to her takes precedence.

Wow didn't think people got so uptight about partners not being invited to weddings!

Weddings certainly are a messy business! I'm invited to a friends wedding next month! I'm invited to the whole day whereas my fiancé is only invited to the evening! She was so worried to tell me! And I was annoyed at her simply because she thought I was the kind of person to be upset about an issue like that! She is my friend and I'm happy for her... I know well enough the stress of planning a wedding, creating a guest list especially when numbers are limited! Maybe I would have felt differently about this had she invited the partners of the other girls in our group, but they all only got evening invites!

I've chosen not to invite the husband of a friend due to the fact he lives in a different country... (She lives here) I explained to her before hand about the fact I've never met him and wouldnt expect him to fork out on travel just to attend my wedding and she was ok with this! But then i guess she is used to doing things without him anyway!

I'm only inviting the partners Ive met... Hopefully my friends will be understanding and not take offence and decline invitation all together.

Honestly I'm glad my MR is not invited to my friends wedding he's not keen on them anyway especially when not close to the couple! He'll just get on my nerves for the day! I'll be glad for the break! Ha ha I guess it's just like leaving the children at home!

So? Is that so bad? We can't all be special to everyone!

I can't imagine for one minute that my Boy would be annoyed at being excluded in these circumstances. Of course, it's not the boy that you have to worry about.

We mostly invited partners but some were excluded. There was no fixed rule for inclusion - a combination of how well did we know them? what would that particular group dynamic be? would anyone be left out/travelling or staying alone?

I have to say that while your feelings are what they are, the conclusion you've reached is entirely unjustified. Someone else's wedding is not a tool for validating the relationships of others. It's about having who you want there and sometimes making difficult choices with a tight budget and/or limited space.

Yes! Thankyou! Lol. People say so often; it's your wedding, do what you think is right, but then your damned if you do!!!

It might have been wise to speak to her before sending out the invite but as you can't go back in time, I would explain now and hope for the best. Worst comes to worst she won't turn up but then I would be wondering how much of a friend she really was. At the end of the day, its your wedding, not hers and its your xhoice who you invite x

Is there any way you could get to know him a little bit more before the wedding. I would be upset if my friends barely knew my OH after a year of us being together.

Also, how would you feel if they married and she didn't invite your OH? Is this the norm in your social circle?

I didn't really have this issue at my wedding as it was very small and pretty much everyone was either married or completely single. If I had I would have done it on a case by case basis like Footlong. I don't believe partners automatically should be invited, but I think it depends on the other dynamics. In your situation I probably would have invited the partner, just because I wouldn't want the friend to feel uncomfortable sat on a table where all her friends were with their partners.

Pink Butterfly - I think it depends on the treatment the rest of your friends in that group get, to be honest! You mentioned that all your friends in your group's partners are only invited to the evening do - what if every single partner except for your fiancé were invited to the day? I think it's just a bit exclusive and hurtful. One friend of mine is married, and I'm not inviting her husband to the day, and I doubt very much he'll come in the evening although of course he'll be welcome. She's a former colleague, it's only her and one other from my old workplace who are invited, and neither of them will have a plus one, so I don't think she'll be offended!

Exactly this. I think sometimes it is best to remember why you came to the decision in the first place to invite or not invite someone.

It's a really tricky situation. We only invited partners if we knew them well enough as individuals to want them there, or if they were engaged/married. This meant that there were one or two long-term partners of our friends who weren't invited, because they'd never really tried to become part of our groups of friends. We also didn't invite any of our cousins' partners except for the two who were married (and whose wedding we had been to together earlier in the year) However, all the people whose partners weren't invited were in groups of friends who they knew really well and wouldn't feel left out at all. We invited all partners to the evening but only some came.

Nobody complained to us, though I do wonder if there was grumbling behind the scenes that I didn't know about. In hindsight there are one or two who I think we ought to have added, but certainly there have been no big fall-outs over it. I have gone to weddings without my H before we were married, and probably wouldn't mind doing it even now, as long as I knew some other people there.

If your friend is going to be the only "single" one with all her friends with their partners, I can understand why she's a bit upset, but if you explain your reasoning and invite him to the evening I think you're not doing anything too awful.

I think it's tight just inviting someone on their own without a partner.

I invited a family of 4, parents and two girls, one girl had a boyfriend who was also invited, the other was single, so I thought that was that. I found out the night before the wedding on Facebook they were planning to bring the second girls new boyfriend (and he was going to wear red chinos) yet they hadn't said a word to any of us about it. Our ceremony only seated 30 people and the room was all placed out with a table plan so I sent my dad round to say I'm sorry but as you didn't let us know there is no room for him. The whole family refused to come and I had a half empty table at the reception. It caused a massive problem between my folks and them, and took nearly a year before they started talking again.

Moral of the story, sometimes it's better to just swallow it for the sake of peace. And if she is a good friend I really think you should allow her to bring someone whether you know/like them or not!