Have your or will you be talking with your OH about babies before the wedding?

OH and i were both in the agreement that we would stop trying to not have a baby next year after we've been on our honeymoon in the summer.

We've discussed it and have an ideal plan. It's probably best to know where you both stand on this... x

OH thinks we will have them the instant that ring goes on my finger. I must admit I like the thought of a honeymoon baby!

I am veering between that and waiting a year, and he is happy to go along with whatever, I have worked out for my school hols and maternity leave that Dec is the best time to conceive (if we are lucky enough) - it is just deciding which Dec, 2012 or 'unlucky' 13!

Also I am having problems with cervix and possible treatment needed, so need to wait to see what the hospital says before anything else.

My OH has wanted kids for ages- I said I didn't want them until I was married, TBH I'm not really 'excited' about trying for a baby as soon as we're married (or stopping trying not to have one) but I know I want kids and pref before I'm 30 (26 at the mo) so I've kind of went along with as soon as we're married we'll stop trying not to- works for me and OH- I would definatly have a plan with OH though it's going to be one of the biggest decisions you make together

My boy threw out the other day that he wouldn't mind having them now ... freaked me out so had to put a stop to that! We talked and he understands why I/we am not ready yet and will probably be a few years. I am sure boy will freak out when I say I am ready.

Talk it through with him, both your thoughts and reasons - I am sure the time frames will work out.

I have said I won't consider them till I am 30 and we have enough in savings.

OH however loves kids, he recently worked in a nursery. But he does want to do a PHD so he accepts that he can't do that if we have children running around.

Both will be 23 at time of wedding so no massive rush.

So can anyone give any suggestions of the best way of bringing this up so he doesnt completely freak out?

We have always been of the same mind, but when babies have recently cropped up generally in conversation he makes out that he wants to travel the world and possibly live in another country for a year before feeling ready.

If that is the case, we will be well into our 30's and knowing that my mum struggled (she started trying at 24 and took her 5 years to conceive) I might have real problems getting preggers if we wait that long

Im not desperate for them now or anything, just really hoped to have the 1st by the time we were 30, and thinking that at 26 now, and not getting married until July, that its probably not going to happen, when OH thinks that we have plenty of time

Funny you have brought this up as we have been talking about this more and more recently!

If it had been upto my OH we would of been trying well before now and had one if he had his way lol! He knew I always wanted to wait til we were married however more and more I am wanting a baby but we are waiting until we are married! I dont know if its my age or just that we feel settled and ready now!

Anyways we are planning on stop trying not to have a baby as close after the wedding as possible - Ive just turned 30 and not getting any younger lol!

Im sure if you just ask him to talk about it and you can both air your thoughts about what you both want it will be fine - you will prob both be on the same page anyways.

Mine came up when I was telling him about my friends 1 year old that screamed 4 hours straight when I was round there, and how it freaked me out or when friends have told me they think I am broody

Maybe talk about the things he wants to do, and talk though the timelines to that - and the age that means you'll start trying. But also maybe this is a phase of ideas for him - again my boy always talks of we could move places, but we both know we're not going to - maybe give him some time, then after the wedding talk if he practically wants to make it happen.

The discussion came up in our online discussions before we actually met for the first time! We both did want one, maybe two, eventually.

"Before" was, of course, never an option for us.

They're in the sort of "one year or so" plan - we can't leave it too long being rapidly approaching 40 - but if we happen to get a "hit" before then, so be it. We'll adjust our life plans to suit.

I think it's imperative you discuss it so you both know where you stand! i always told Pascal I didn't want to have babies before I got married, and we are getting married in April 2012. Ideally, I would like to be married for a couple years first, but I'm 28 and will be almost 29 when we get married, so feel like don't have the time to wait!

Well we have talked about what we want in the future... Like how many and what age we'd like to be. But as we're a young couple (I'll only be 22 when I get married) we want to have a few years to ourselves and get a nest egg set up first. I do think it'd be worth having the discussion so you know you're both on the same page, because it would be awful finding out down the line you didn't agree!

I'm 33 and OH is 29 (he turns 30 a few weeks after our wedding). I have always said that I wanted to be married before we started to try but OH is so laid back that if I had accidently fallen pregnant at any point in the 5 yrs we've been together he would have been over the moon!

However we have had a serious talk about ideal times to start trying - I'm not getting any younger and have a number of Gynae problems resulting in 2 operations over the last few years so I felt we needed to really thrash it out so i knew were we stood. We now have a relatively good idea of when/if children will happen. It is def worth a talk...

Good luck x

Definitely worth discussing! I can't remember how it got brought up, tbh.

We'd already had to discuss the possibility of having kids when OH was ill and having chemo, as he had to get sperm banked and we both had to sign lots of very complicated forms to do with what exactly they/we could and couldn't do with it. At that stage we weren't even engaged though, so it was very much an "in the future" thing.

We've agreed that it would be best for me to be a year or two further on in my career, and that ideally we'd like to own a house and move out of London. My implanon is due for renewal in Sept 2013, so that's quite a convenient time for us to aim for. Obviously if there are problems then it may take a while, but I'll only be 29 then so hopefully there's still time!

Its a hard thing to discuss but deffinatly worth discussing to make sure you want the same things, same time etc.

Me and OH both want children but not yet, were both only 22 so got our whole lifes ahead of us really, OH wants to wait till were 26ish to start trying, im currently receiving medication for my illness so until im feeling better we dont want children, plus we want to have our own house with enough money in the bank and to feel settled. Thing is i work in a nursery so my OH see's i can come home abit stressed and hes not ready for that yet haha

I've always wanted children though want to have a year of marriage before we try. I know we'll never have that "us" time again, and I would like a bit of an extravagent holiday (Vegas) for my 30th which falls a year after we marry. Then I'd like to start trying. We've had lots of hands on experience with my 3month old niece so kind of enjoying being an Auntie at the mo, but not having the sleepless nights ?

We've agreed to think about babies some time in the next 5-10 years. No more than 10 years away though cos we'll both be getting into our 30's by then.

I think discussing it is vital, so that you know what you both want. We originally had decided on a HM baby, but after thinking about buying a new house etc, we have said that we shall wait around 9 months after the wedding when we shall hopefully be settled in a house before we start trying.

Never!

You need to discuss it with your OH-othewise how do you know if you have the same thoughts and ideas?

You do need to discuss it, a friend of mine has been married 5 years and this year her H told her he didnt want kids. Ever. So I went straight home and we chatted about it properly as we both assumed the others thoughts!

My Oh brought it up last November, I only realised why he had suddenly had a big chat right then months later... as he had just bought the ring earlier that month and was planning to propose on xmas day! I guess he wanted to make sure we were on the same page before taking that next step, very sensible of him IMO but prob should have done it before buying the ring! I have always been very anti-babies and he has always made it clear he loved kids like crazy, so we just didn't really have a serious conversation until then.

In case you're looking for tips, he broached it very nicely, waited til a time we were both relaxed and happy. He started when we woke up snuggled together one morning, and began it by asking about my general thoughts on having children, and I probably answered something very flippant about not being able to eat a whole one. Then he said it was important for the rship that we talked a little bit about it, I replied I didn't want a child right now and had never really planned on having one, but if the time was right somewhere in the future then yes I would consider having a baby, possibly, if money and situation and rship was totally stable.

Luckily for him one day after a couple of months being engaged my biological clock suddenly kicked in and now I can't imagine ever NOT wanting a baby! OH is very smug about this about-turn from me.

Its something we've always talked about but we both agree we want to be married and settled somewhere before we start trying! We did disagee abouthow many he only wanted 1 and i want 2 but hes coming round to it now

Its lovely to hear u all talking about having babies i have had mine one is 9 yrs the other 7 months tomorrow and teething only 2 hours sleep last night !!and i feel knackered the difference between being 19 and 28 definately shows lol definately have the chat though u both need to know how the other feels my oh is 43 and we decided not to wait until after wedding purely on his age he didnt want to wait and it took me a year to get pregnant good luck to all of u and have fun trying ! x

I don't want this to sound rude, but surely if he's marrying you then why would he freak out at talking about having babies? Surely its a conversation he should expect to have with his future wife, whether that be to say yes I want them/no I don't want them or when do we agree that we'd like to try for one.

My husband already has a son who's 4 and we'd like to have a child not too much younger than him so that they can have a close relationship. Originally we thought about trying straight away, but we've now decided to give it a year as I've not long been in my job and we'd like to have a couple of holidays next year (including our honeymoon in Jan)

I think its important to make sure you're on the same page.

Its something we have always talked about and made a decision on together.

we are young (i'l be almost 24 and he will be almost 25), but we dont want to wait much longer.

But we have also always said if either of us did change our mind on things we'd discuss it and work things out

x

Definitely needs to be discussed! We've been speaking about it for ages, OH would be happy if we had a baby before getting married, even commented how we could 'fit in before the wedding'. Decided to get married first and then let nature take it's course. I've always wanted to have my family before 30, and I'll be nearly 27 when we marry, my body clock has been ticking more loudly recently! OH already 31, so think his has been ticking away too!

You should discuss it! Be like me and just bring it up!
OH was pleased I had mentioned it. We are delaying our honeymoon for six months after the wedding and we will start trying then.

I always wanted to be married first ( nothing against anyone who already has children, just personal preference)

OH always wanted to be settled, both in good jobs and our own house so now the only thing we are waiting for is to be married and honeymooned!

I am starting to look forward to it, but it is strange as six years ago I would of laughed at the thought of having children but we keep talking about it now!

We discussed marriage and babies quite soon into our relationship, we both had very different ideas but have come to a compromise! Mr R wanted to wait until he was 30 until he got married and then wait a few more years for babies, whereas I wanted to get married much sooner! As it stands he'll be 28 when we get married and I'll be 26, and then we'll start trying for a baby about 12 months afterwards. He's determined to have two blonde little boys... I've tried to explain that with my colouring that probably isn't going to happen, bless him!

Im 26 hes 27 we have agreed that we will go travelling first and start trying around 30 when we are more financially stable .. deffo talk about it ? just drop it in say hey do you ever want kids ? men aint as scared as we think especially the ones marrying us x

We have a 7 yr old already but yes both would like another, not sure when it will happen though.

Yep, we've talked about it several times and in complete agreement with each other as to when would be a good time. Only thing we disagree on is how many and what genders we want ? Have also talked about what we would do if we were not able to have children for whatever reason, as I think its quite important to recognise this as a possibility (albeit a small one) and talk about it, as if this turned out to be the case then it would be such a huge thing. We're both agreed what we would want to do then too.

You need to bring this up, it's pretty vital. He's going to have to talk about these things without freaking out and basically grow up. Living abroad for a year and TTC are pretty huge decisions and you both need to be in complete agreement about them.

My friend recently came out of a 9 year relationship because although her OH always said he didn't want marriage and babies, she always did, he never changed his mind and he left her after 9 yearss together, a mortgage and a cat.

OH and I got together when we were 21 and 23, we knew from the beginning we both wanted children but we waited until we had bought our own home and were financially stable with jobs, we planned our first baby when I was 26 and he was 28. We had another baby 3 years later and we're done (although I'm still broody OH says NO! but I can live with that as I have my two wonderful kids). We put pretty much everything else aside and devoted everything to our babies and now we're 34 and 36 both kids are at school and now we're planning on running our own business so we're just getting some time and lives of our own back a little bit. The only thing we missed out on is travelling that we would have liked to have done but we're just going to have as many fun holidays as we can afford and once the kids leave home #OH and I are hoping to spend a lot of time abroad to make up for it!!