Help ! Bridesmaid Dilema...

I really don't know anything at all about alterations but are you sure the dress can't be made smaller? Would maybe be worth a try ringing round some seamstress people and asking.

It's very annoying isn't it, I don't think some people realise what a commitment it is to be a bridesmaid, what with dress shopping and fittings they have to give up alot of time, you must be livid with SIL2B. x

My H would be having a word with my SIL for a start if she had done that!

Hi

The dress is very detailed and couldn't go down four sizes, think alterations would cost a fortune as much as dress itself probably !

I am furious with her, all I asked was three fittings, I asked her if she wanted to back out before I ordered her dress and she said no grrrrr I bent over backwards to make things easy for her and she wouldn't have it. I amvery peed off with her .......

xx

He won't though, he isn't confrontational and says bridesmaids are my department !!!!

What size and colour is the dress? Can you have it altered to wear as an evening dress after? Would it fit you at all?

The dress is aqua and size 18, would fit me but I would never wear it, I am a jeans and wellington girl !

I say just go go with the one BM. Yes you have wasted £200 but its not like you can force her to be BM and by now you probably wouldn't want her to be. If you do choose an additional last minute BM then chose the friend you want to be stood beside you on the day not the one that fits the dress. The other BM could wear a different yet similar off the peg dress - they don't have to be matching.

My sister has gone on forever about wanting to be my BM, we had a stupid argument the other week and she has now 'resigned'. I have bought her dress so I know how you feel in a way. I do have ages to go though so who knows what will happen.

Would rather chew my left arm off than have her as a bridesmaid now !!

Hope you resolve things with your sister, am being civil with sil not letting her know how pee'd off I am with it all.

I don't really care if she wants / is a BM or not. We have such an up / down relationship it's exhausting. I'd just love to get to a place where we both put stuff behind us, suck up our differences and just have a lot of fun.

What a sod! I know the feeling My sister is with a real loser she left him 2 weeks ago because he's the violent type enough said! So anyway she comes to try the dresses on with my other bridesmaid they looked gorgeous! and low and behold she went back to him last friday and said if he can't come with her she won't be a bridesmaid!!!

I won't have him at my wedding not just because of what he has done to her but he is a trouble maker and i don't want my day ruined by an A@#$"@#! my sister is only a size 8 and I don't have any other friends that skinny lol

I don't know whether to just wait who knows what could happen in a year or like you say cut my losses! I really hope you find a solution to your problem but if the friend you originally wanted is as true as you say she will understand the situation and either accept it, pay for the dress to be altered anyway regardless of the pennies involved or like the other lady said see if there is a close match with an off the peg dress! there are a fair few sale on in weddings shops the mo as the new dress season is coming in!

Best of luck Suze x

I understand how difficult it must be for you (and presumably for him - notwithstanding the fact you say he won't say anything to her he must be fuming that she's messed you around and upset you so much) but I think if it was me I'd be gently reminding OH that he made bridesmaids his department when he asked you to drop who you wanted to have in favour of his sister.

Oh JM, Im so sorry your going through this! I would go and at least get a quote for getting the dress altered. I was a bmaid for my friend a few years ago and we were having issues getting a dress, anyway long story short, we ended up so near the date that when I found a dress I didn't have time to order one in my size and the lady in the shop sold us the shop sample. I needed an 8 and the sample dress was a 16. It really wasn't unlike your dresses, it had loads of beading detail all over the top and it all gathered over the front to one side. My mum did all the alterations for me and you would never have known I'd had to take it in. It really didn't effect the dress.

Try a small independant dress maker to do the alterations, hopefully they could do it for a reasonable amount? At least that way you could ask your friend if you can get it altered. I do think your friend would feel worse if you asked the other girl since the dress would fit her.

Failing that, I agree with what the others have said, try and flog the dress and even have a look at different style dresses in the same colour (you could use the money from selling the dress to buy it)? My friend got married last year and her bridesmaids all had different style dresses in the same colour and it looked good!

And I just had to say I loved this comment, I would be feeling exactly the same!!! xx

God, what a selfish b****!!! thats unbelievable behaviour. I agree with a previous comment, dont just have a bridesmaid because they fit the dress, if i were you i would speak to the friend you origionally wanted, explain the situation, and if possible go with a previous suggestion and get a similar dress on sale or cheaper, sell the old bm dress and have the people that really matter there. Hope everything works its self out

x

What a complete ?! She should pay for that dress, though I completely understand it's a very difficult situation. Families, eh?! It's a lovely style. If it really can't be altered I agree you should sell it (try it on hitched as well as well as e*bay etc). If you could recoup some of the money could you maybe buy another matching one for your friend? I know £200 is a shed load of money, but in the whole scheme of your wedding it's probably not that huge. could you cut back somewhere else? E.g. favours - you can get away without these, they often get left behind and no-one notices if you don't have them.

Can't you just leave the dress in a wardrobe or try to sell it and not replace her!? I would hate to be a replacement bridesmaid. x

Hi Everyone

Thanks for your comments and advice.

Today I spoke to my friend who I really wanted in the first place, she knew all about the problems I was having with Bridesmaidzilla, she already knew that I wanted to ask her but because of the situation I was backed into a corner a bit, she was doing a reading for us.

So I spoke to her today, told her what happened and asked her if would she consider being my bridesmaid, and she was absolutely over the moon and said yes, I did make it very clear she wasn't second best ! She knows that, she knows me well enough to know I don't think that about her.

So I am going to sell the dress when it comes in the shop in November and hopefully next week we will go and order her a new dress. Sod the budget, I will do without favours or bump a few long lost relatives off the guest list !!

I am more annoyed with myself tbh, I allowed myself to get bullied into having someone I didn't really want and spent 9 months stressing about it. So my advice to anyone who hasn't chosen bridesmaids is......Have the people who mean the most to you and will support you and not who you think you should have because they are related and who people expect you to have.

I am really chuffed it's resolved now and I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders ?

Suze xxx

Really glad you got it all sorted JM!!

Glad you got it sorted ?