Help! How Do I ask for money from guests before our wedding?

That's a tough one.

Personally, I wouldn't have booked up something that I couldn't afford, but relying on the generosity of gifts from guests to enable the "big day" to happen in the first place.

Honestly, I think I would actually probably be a little offended personally to be asked "in advance" for gifts. It's fine to mention gifts on invites, and there is the expectation that you will get them on the day (or before if people can't make it) but that's only my personal opinion. Others may feel different.

The only thought I can think of is to borrow the money - either from a friend/relative, or your bank (we got a loan to pay for all of our arrangements, which we know is here and stashed away in a separate bank account so that we can't accidently spend it) or just splat the credit card as a last resort.

Could I ask whether we're talking a couple of hundred, or a couple of thousand, pounds short of your target here?

Thanks Both

Were not too short of our target, but as we already live together, we dont want people to spend money on things we dont need, so would rather have money towards our trips etc on our honeymoon. Obviously were not expecting guests to give anything, but I know alot will want to give something, We do have a gift registry type thing with thomas cook were guests can donate online, Im not sure if people normally include these with there invites though

Unfortunately you cant and if you did it would come across as really cheeky. Why not postpone your reception at home until you have the money to pay for it directly.

If you don't mind me asking, who have you booked your break with?

Quite a few travel agents now do a wedding registry whereby you book your holiday/ wedding through them & pay a deposit plus a small fee (£25). They then set up a webpage like they would on John Lewis or Debenhams etc. & send you a load of cards to give to your guests with the invitations to the wedding reception detailing how to make a contribution to the holiday. If by the 12 weeks prior to departing the full amount hasn't been obtained, then you would be liable to pay the difference.

This isn't something I would do personally as we aren't asking for anything but it may be something to think about.

If you have something set up with Thomas Cook I would treat that as any other gift list and give the details of this on your invites.

Something along the lines of...If anyone would like to give a gift, an account has been set up with Thomas Cook to help us along the way for our ceremony in st Lucia......blah blah....Words to that effect anyway. I don't think you can really ask in advance of the wedding, although some may do that anyway.

That way people have all the facts but can choose to donate or not. You may find some people prefer to buy there own gift anyway.

xxx

Some travel agents now do a gift list where people can donate to the cost of the honeymoon.

I personally think it's a bit cheeky though really to ask people to contribute to something you've already booked. What happens if people don't donate enough and you are short when you need to pay the balance?

We are actually mentioning that we would like monetary gifts but after the event, and that is due to us living together for 4 years we don't need anything solid, we would be able to use money more to do up the house and buy a new bed, shed etc .

In saying that though, we are only putting on our invites that we don't expect anything but their company, however, if they wished to get us something, then we could put money to better use than a toaster (or words to that effect!!)

We have a gift list with htomas cook but didnt want to book anything we couldnt afford so have to book honeymoon after the wedding. For all we know we might only get £30 lmao.

No idea how you would ask for money before hand as it's normal for them to be given at reception

To be frank, you've committed to paying for something you can't afford, and expect your guests to pay for it. To turn it around, how would you feel, if you were invited to as a guest (for which there are expenses of your own to bear in this fiscally tight times), to be invited to a reception you've been asked to pay for a luxury carribean wedding that has taken place some weeks before? I'd feel a bit put out - and likely simply buy a gift of my own choosing to make a point.

I know my position above isn't what you want to hear, and also of little help, but I do see a lot of people so focussed on having the perfect day and then expecting others to pay for it.

In that case, although "not too short" is a fairly subjective amount of course, I'd probably suggest "take the hit on the credit card, and not risk upsetting my guests" is your safest course of action.

Ok, slightly more constructive comment from me now: money & weddings is an emotive subject.

Have you thought about asking your parents on either side, for something toward the wedding? Close family are much more likely to say "we understand your predicament" and help out. A genuine request to close family/friends is much more likely to give you the result you are looking for vs a somewhat tacky "please can you pay for my wedding" please to the guests.

Were not asking for people to pay for the actual wedding, as we have most of the funds for this, but we were thinking more of trips while we are away, as I know people like to give a gift thats personal, so thought people might like the idea of contributing to a trip, or part of the honeymoon

Unfortunately neither parents are able to contribute to the wedding costs, which is why we have chosen to go abroad, as it has reduced our costs by thousands

Honestly... I don't think you can.

If they give you money after then wedding then all is good, but you can't expect it in advance.

We are asking for contributions towards our honeymoon but with the expectation of receiving nothing (i.e. we have already budgeted for it in full). Obviously this is slightly easier with the honeymoon being after the wedding.

No-one I know who has married abroad has even had a gift list.

Sorry! x

Thankyou for all the comments

Just a bit of experience, hardly anyone who came to my evening reception brought a gift.

Not sure if this helps, but I know someone who used this site for their gift list: https://www.buy-our-honeymoon.com/

She put lots of different experiences on it, and room upgrades etc... It seemed to go down well. Not sure if you would get a lot of the money in time though. You may have to reimburse yourself afterwards.

I'm afraid I'm with the others and don't think you can - you've opted to do it a bit back to front in having the holiday bit before the wedding bit (Point 1: not a criticism so please don't think I mean that you shouldn't have done! Point 2:I know your ceremony will be abroad but most guests will consider the bit they're invited to as "The Wedding")

I think you're going to have to fund all your special stuff in St Lucia yourself and then just ask for cash instead of gifts, although beware you will still offend people with that one!

I wouldn't advise doing this - you're asking for gifts before people have even celebrated with you!

Although most of our evening guests got us gifts/gave us cash at our wedding, many often find that evening guests don't bring a gift so I wouldn't assume this is the case. Also with our gift lists, many guests contributed at the last minute, a day before or on the day of the wedding - so I don't think 12 weeks before is going to work for you in this respect.

I wouldn't assume people will just buy you presents though, we actually only received 3 physical presents, the rest had actually put cash, cheques or vouchers in our wedding cards so you won't necessarily be left with stuff for a house that you don't need! x

I actually think this is a bit rude and if I was asked to give gifts before the wedding I may be inclined to think I had only been invited for my gift?? That sounds so cynical but that's me. I already know that a lot of my guests are buying new outfits, will have to buy their own drinks etc so they are already spending their hard earned cash on my wedding without even thinking about gifts. I haven't put anything about gifts in my invites as i personally think it's rude to expect presents when people have spent money on outfits/travel/drinks/time off work etc and am just mentioning that we would like money or vouchers if anything if we are asked.

Sorry if that sounds a bit mean!

You say you have some sort of list with Thomas Cook? I don't know if it works the same way but ours had one with Trailfinders. The information went out with the invitations and people could give money online. The happy couple had to pay for the honeymoon upfront but they then got any money that was given as a gift refunded when they got back. If it works that way then I am sure you can find out how much is on it before you go away and then just limit yourseld to spending that much on your credit card knowing you will be able to pay it off when you get back.

I understand your dilema but you can't ask for people to give you your present before the wedding. If a bride asked that of me, I probably wouldn't be going to her wedding let alone giving a gift.

Okay, this may be an old thread but if anyone does come across this, i would say that it will be good to have an online registry that accepts cash contributions like thankyou. This will enable you to receive cash from your guests who contribute via credit card.

We're getting married in Zanzibar and I know a lot of people won't be able to make it but may want to get us something. On our wedding website we've set up a cash/honeymoon giftlist that people can contribute towards but stated clearly we really don't expect anything. The advantage to this is that they can contribute whenever they want so whether it's before or on the day is up to them.

What I've done is pretty much phrased it so they basically get to choose our honeymoon 'will it be a tent on the beach down the road or a round the world extravaganza - the choice is yours' I think is how its worded and then given people options to contribute towards different things.

To be honest, we're not really bothered where we end up, I've already travelled a lot though OH hasn't and as we might be moving countries early next year.

IM getting married abroad and didn't feel comfortable asking my guests for presents or money. I think your best opotion as others said is to put the Thomas cook info on the invites and hope people contribute. I wouldn't expect a huge amount of donations though......

Hi!

To me this doesn't sound rude at all but that's a culture difference. I'm Finnish in in finnish weddings it's extremely rude not to give a proper present (usually silverware, crystal vases, etc.) when going to a wedding.

We are getting married in the UK and half of our guests are coming from Finland. We set up a gift list with Mr & Mrs Smith Hotel Collection and gave that information to people with the invitations.

So maybe you could send the reception invitations and just state a date you would like the gifts before?

WSS!!!

I dont plan on asking for anything!!!