How can I stop stressing?

Hi Nurse Bride2B

I know how you feel regarding the stress and planning a wedding when you feel that you have no time for it! I just got engaged a few weeks ago and we have provisionally said we will have the wedding in May. The wedding will have around 250 guests and I just don’t think we have enough time plus its unbelievable how much weddings costs. One thing that I have done now as I was turning into a stress case is I have told my fiancé that as he has more flexibility at work (plus he's a hell of a lot more organized) that he has to deal with the majority of the tasks and that I will just be involved with him to make final decisions. This has helped as it means I can concentrate on the girly stuff like my dress etc. In terms of money, my friends have given me good advice – basically they pointed out that a wedding will be expensive and the more you stress is not going to change this, the one thing that is a good idea is to only spend money on the things that are important to you (do for me this is dress, makeup and venue) and either miss out or go with the cheap option for the things that done (so for me I don’t care much about the cake, I’m limiting flowers etc).

Also tell your fiancé that you feel overburdened by things and that as a result that you are feeling more sensitive so he may be less likely to engage in an argument as he’ll have the heads up that it’s not you but the stress that is making you react that way!

I hope this helps.

Ok... lets get you out of this pickle...

It is so easy to let everything pile up on top of you, try to break everything down into small manageable chunks and make sure that you keep your lines of communication with OH open... Me and Mr C had many a row when I let things get the better of me. You are probably feeling a little down about not seeing everyone over Christmas too.

Job - not much you can do to influence this just yet so try not to worry about it. I know that you are not happy in your job at the moment but it is stable and the situation will change, just not right now this second.

Money - Are you spending more than you have or plan to save? If not then you do not need to worry, if you are then maybe rethink the budget a little.

WP - Try to deal with one thing at a time (I know that this is hard but it needs to be done!). I made a plan by working backwards from the day, what can wait, what needs to be done now, what can be dealt with in between. Then focus on one thing at a time. Work out how many weekends (or non-working days) you have to go and make a plan for each to tackle each thing. And learn to DELEGATE! This really does help take the pressure off.

Use Hitched to vent, we will always be here...

Your wedding will be amazing, your job will sort itself out, and your friends and family are still here and will see you plenty over the next few months.

Great advice from Mrs C as usual. I think everyone gets caught up in the whole Christmas thing but at the end of the day, your friends and family are still there and you will just have to try to spend a bit more time with them now the madness is over. As you know I'm in the same boat with the whole work at Christmas thing and it does get you down but hopefully that should improve in the new year.

Get MrNursey involved in some jobs too. If your like me you would much rather just do it all yourself but it really would take away a lot of stress if he, or someone else, helped you with weddingy tasks instead of just trying to do it all yourself. Try concentrate on the excitement of the wedding rather than focusing on the stress of it, enjoy the planning as we haven't got long to go!!

Thanks Ladies ❤️

I'll try and stop stressing about my job and just wait and see what happens

Moneywise, I'm actually on target with WPing, as had to jiggle the budget about 6 months ago. The problem is that we're also saving for a deposit for a house, and Mr Nursey is the kind of chap who takes things in his stride and apparently can't tell me how much money he can save

WPing - I would love to delegate (especially to Mr Nursey), but a) don't want to burden people b) my BMs live away/have kiddies and it's hard to get us all together c) Mr Nursey says i'm better at this stuff d) some of it really can't be delegated. I might sit down with my list tonight and prioritise things

Ooh and pinky - we've got ages, haven't we?! ️?️

Haha, no. It will fly by, just to worry you a little bit more We will be fine

My OH is exactly like this. I know what my money situation is every month and when I ask him how much he will be able to save, he can't tell me. You need to sit down with Mr Nursey and explain how much things are stressing you out and how, although he is laid back about it, you are part of a team and he needs to help your stress levels by communicating about money. We went through things and came up with a budget (although I do need to be more pressing on this as OH seems to be slipping back into old ways) and it does help. I think seeing incomings and outgoings can help others to see where savings can be made and how they need to put money away perhaps at the start of the month so there is not the temptation to spend on unnecessary things. However, if you have got enough for the wedding, then you should try to relax a little as, as much as you want the house deposit, there is time for that to happen (although I know it's easy for me to say and if it is something that is important to you, then of course it will play on your mind).

As for Mr Nursey saying that you are better at WP, well he needs to learn! None of it comes naturally to most people and you need to stress that it is as much his day as it is yours. If you've got a list, then don't sit down on your own tonight to prioritise, but sit down together and do it. No TV (just trying to do an online shop today with my OH while the Simpsons was on was awful!), nothing else that can distract you or him. If he goes through the list with you, he may realise that it is unfair to ask you do be doing it all and you can agree to either complete some tasks together or give him a list of things to research etc and come to you with suggestions and vice versa. I can appreciate it's difficult with the BMs living away and having kids, but I'm sure they could spare an hour (even if it's split over a few nights) browsing the internet once the kids are in bed every so often to help you out if you give them a couple of things to have a look at. You won't be burdening people, you will be giving them a chance to have a role in one of the most special days of your life - if one of my friends asked me to help her research something or help her manke something for her wedding, even if I wasn't a BM or anything, I would feel flattered that she wanted me to be involved in something so special - you may find that if you ask one or two friends, they may feel the same. And you can always ask for help on here if you need advise on specific ideas or you want opinions!

Shout if there's anything we can immediately help with!

With the wedding Nursey the best thing you can do is knock off the quick jobs once you have a few of these under your belt you will feel like you have achieved something and it won't be as daunting. If you can fully finish something it will boost you onwards and upwards, promise.

My to do list (in no particular order):

Stamp and tie ribbon on wish tree luggage tags + tie ribbon onto decorations

Assemble wish tree (last minute thing)

Assemble favours

Print placecards

Buy children's favours and party poppers

Buy garden games

Choose readings

Choose music

Buy confetti and make up envelopes (if ok with vicar)

Decorate wicker hearts

Choose drinks

Finish other decorations

Decorate jam jar lanterns

Seating plan

Choose food for choccie fountain

Book rooms

Meetings with Vicar and venue

Make sugar hearts (if I have time)

List of photos

Decorations for camper

Decide on cake flavours

Jewellery for BMs/FGs - BMs done last week!

Dress fittings

Choose FG dresses - Might have sorted this if they like them

Hair ideas/trials

Ideas for flowers

Rings

Write invites

Sort other stationary

Playlist for evening

Presents for men/parents

Decide on giftlist

Think that's about enough!

Hi Nursey - we're date twins and if it's any consolation I feel very similar to you at the moment! Although - looking at your to do list I think that you are more organised than I am. My stress levels aren't being helped by friends and family keeping reminding me that "it's not long now!". I'm worrying about money for ours too - initially we wanted it to be quite a relaxed affair but it doesn't seem to be heading that way so much now. I think that me and OH need to sit down and think back to how we originally wanted the day to be, rather than getting caught up in all the things that we think we should have.

Anyway - I know I'm not offering any particularly useful advise in this post, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

Nursey - I used these sugar hearts https://www.coxandcox.co.uk/products/mixed-colour-heart-sugar-cubes

Hi just found your message on here and you sound sooo much like i did a few months back have you thought of hiring a wedding planner i did and she saved me a wopping £1500 overall and i only paid her £600ish shes helped me sooo much and even did a lot of my decorations for me example: i just told her i wanted some table numbers and place cards in a vintage style that i had seen on we website for £1.50 a place card and £5 a table number and she went out and found the materials a lot cheaper plus made them for me! she even came to dress fittings and other appointments when my OH and mum were busy she was a lifesaver!!

@ Jo: Thank you for your reassurance! It's nice to know I'm not alone

@stupidlamb: Thank you!

@laynarose: I think it's a bit late for a WP now as most things are organised. Plus I don't have a spare £600 even if I did ☹️

I'm upset today as I haven't heard back from the job I applied for and the interviews are on Thursday. I'm being messed about by the other job I applied for, so looks like I'm stuck where i am for the time being ?

Awww i feel for you its hard but im sure it will all work out in the end