How involved are your parents-in-law to be?

Not at all. Not one bit. My FIL2B is in a home with Alzheimer's disease (fair enough) and my MIL2b has shown not one jot of interest in the wedding. Only ever mentions it if it affects her at all. Whne we announced the wedding date (and we had to tell her three times as she "forgot" she'd already been told) she said "Where will I stay?" and that was it.

Also forgot to say, should I say anything to her at all, as it could just be the case she isnt that interested? and if thats the case i don't want to be asking her about the wedding and making her feel uncomfortable?

If I were you I would ask her if she would like to see the dress, maybe she is afraid that she will seem interfering...

My PIL- to be are very involved in the wedding planning. My partner is an only child and I think this has made a difference in them being interested. They came with us to look at venues (travelling over 150 miles to look at them), MIL to be wants to see my dress and will come with me in a few weeks to see it on. Everytime they phone (atleast once a week) they ask about the wedding. At first I found it quite overwhleming and very difficult to manage their opinions with my own parents, but I think I'm just starting to get used to it and it's nice that they want to be involved.

There is certain aspects that they have taken responsibility for, for example, sorting out the accommadation (because our venue isn't a hotel and is in a very rural place), wanting to be involved in choosing the suits, sorting out the wedding cake. Strategically, we decided to give them certain aspects of the wedding (that we're not that bothered about) to them to organise in the hope that they feel more involved in the planning without interferring in the parts that are really important to us. It is working so far I think.

I think I'd rather them be like this than not interested at all x

My H2B is his Mum's only child so I'm trying to involve her as much as I can as it's the only chance she'll get to do the whole wedding thing. I get on really well with her so I don't mind her coming with me and my Mum to choose my dress etc when I go later on in the year. She lives in Greece 8 months of the year so she won't be able to help much with the wedding so anything she can help with I'm happy to let her. My OH's Dad and his partner are putting money into our savings account every month to help with the wedding but other than that they are just happy to hear all about our plans and would quite happily help out where they can I would imagine.

Not at all, dunno if this is a good thing or not? ?

My MIL2B was only interested in what the BMs dress would be like because her daughter is wearing one.

The last time they came up to see us she did show more interest then asking how much we had done etc but FIL2B hasn't said anything at all and in fact he suggested we should move to a bigger house (like we can afford that on top of a wedding) hmmm!

My MIL2B is very much involved, she is so excited. She keeps looking at outfits online. We are going to a wedding show next weekend together. I was staying at her house with my baby this weekend as my H2B is away just now, and it was great, all we did was talk weddings and look online for things. We are also paying our wedding ourselves, but my mum and dad said to us when we booked at xmas time, they would pay for the band. MIL2B hasnt mentioned paying for anything so just assumed they were not going to, but she said this week that her and her partner will pay for the wedding magician and also for canapes to be served after the church! so that was a boost!

Its actually quite sad, but i feel closer to my MIL2B than i do my own mum! i dont know why, its probably because my mum and i dont really do anything together, but MIL2B is always asking us out for tea and go out to a cafe for lunch when h2b is away, all the little things.

Thanks for all your comments ladies,

Think I will mention to her when we next speak that I have picked my dress, see if she says anything, if she asks what it is like, I will offer to go to the shop with her and try it on again (any excuse) so that she can see it.

I have offered to let my MIL2B see my dress, in fact she ended up coming to the shop the day I got it but chose not to see it, she has said she wants it to be a surprise on the day - I think it was one of the things she missed from her daughter's wedding last year - she didn't get to have that full bridal reveal moment because obviously SIL2B didn't have full hair and make up done at any of the dress fittings - all the guests get that big gasp moment but she just saw what she'd already seen loads of times before!

We keep trying to involve her with little bits but she keeps saying 'well I don't want to interfere' and to be honest I know she isn't too keen on a lot of our plans! OH is taking her with him to pick the suits but even when we mention that she doesn't seem too bothered. I think she just really doesn't want to step on my family's toes, or to annoy me too much lol she knows I'm having what I want regardless of her opinion - that sounds awful, I love her to bits but we're not having the traditional wedding they wanted for their son, we're having the wedding we want and although some bits of it aren't what you'd necessarily expect from a wedding, they are definitely right for us.

If you really want her to be involved in some things but not others, just have a chat with her. There might be some things that she's better at than your mum - have the 2 mums met? Maybe they could go shopping for their outfits together or something?

I think it's wrong that only the MOB is seen as important for a wedding, my OH is just as important on the day as I am so why shouldn't his parents be just as involved as mine.

OH has 3 brothers and they all live, with their wives/girlfriends either in the farm with PIL2B or in houses/flats around the farm. OH and I live around 10 minutes away in town.

His youngest brother got married 2 years ago and had the reception in a marquee on the farm. His wife's parents weren't particularly involved, so PIL2B did EVERYTHING and were mega involved.

His other brother is getting married this summer, so PIL2B are more interested in that at the moment.

They've very kindly contributed a generous sum of money to our wedding fund. MIL2B was with me when I bought my dress but that's only because I wasn't on a planned dress shopping trip when I bought it.

In my opinion, they're involved the perfect amount - would do anything if I asked them to but otherwise they'll stay out!

Mine has been fairly involved. My H2B and I are both the first people in our families to get married in years, so everyone is pretty excited.

I specifically took my MIL2B dress shopping once with me, because I think a lot of women in her position (and her age and upbringing etc) might feel like it would be rude to 'get involved' too much... all of her wedding experience has been where the bride's family organise and pay for it all. So I made sure I involved her right from the beginning. It was actually a really lovely day, even though I didn't buy a dress. I'm pretty sure the shop assistant thought I was her daughter (she didn't say it outright, but it was pretty obvious) and my MIL2B never corrected her, or made it obvious she was wrong, which I thought was really sweet.

I phone my MIL2B to double-check before I book certain things, and made sure both her and my FIL2B saw the venue. I've also given her the task of sourcing family photos to make a display at the wedding. I couldn't ask for better really

My FIL2B was waiting for major surgery most of last year and couldn't/wouldn't leave his house, and obviously MIL2B was wrapped up in that too. So they've hardly said a thing, and I think my OH has been a bit disappointed. My OH's sister will probably not get married, so this will be the only wedding they can be involved in.

BUT the surgery is over, FIL2B is recovering nicely, so hopefully they can start getting involved. We're planning to take them to see our venue in a few weeks, along with my mum and sister and the BMs, so maybe they'll start to get excited then.

My PIL2B are great. theyre involved but not overpoweringly.

My OH is one of 3 brothers, the other 2 are already married and OH is the oldest and has 2 kids. FIL is paying for the suit hire for OH, Stepson (BM) himself and my dad, MIL is paying for my tiara and my step-daughter (her granddaughter and my CBM)'s outfit - they are always interested in what we are doing with wedding planning and MIL has seen my dress and the venue. I send her pics of everything when i get it i.e. jewellery etc.

I'm lucky as theyre not massively involoved, i.e. trying to take over, but they're interested and want to help out. We never asked them for any money, they offered to pay for certain things and MIL will be coming with me, my mum and my bm's for breakfast in the pub on the morning of the weddding. I'm very close to her. My mum hates it. lol

I used to get on alrite with my MIL to be - we wouldnt have done anything without OH but we were grand - not close but I would have called her a friend.

But recently she has turned against me & had a real go at me over something really stupid and we havent seen or spoke to each other sense - she told OH she was hasty but hasnt had the decency to apologise so she can go & F**K herself until she does!

However before this, she came to possible venues, wedding fairs, came with us to look at cars etc.

She said she didnt want to see my dress until the wedding - my OH asked her, not me! I was very very glad about this as Im not even showing my BM's, it just me & mum (and hitched!) thaht knows.

Since we fell out, she asked OH what material our BM dresses were. I cut a piece of my sample & printed a pic of the actual dresses and a pic of dresses in their colour & out them in an envelope for her. She didnt even say thank you - a perfect opportunity for her to break the ice considering its all her fault!

OH then told her me &mum were going to get my mums outfit last week - and she made a point of gettin hers first - like 4 days b4 hand to be exact. Its silver, long with a massive hat - way too mother of the bride for me & my mums liking. Buts its a crochet kind of material & nothing like what my mum wanted - she went for linea rafelli.

So at the moment Im not telling my MIL to be anything about the wedding - and I know OH isnt even listening to the finer details 90% of the time so I dont know what he is passing on to her!

She wants to pay for our band & give us honeymoon money -I said to OH is lovely she wants to contribute but she neednt expect to buy me off.

She also asked to see me & OH wedding saving plan ie how much we are saving & where its going.

I told OH that is for us & us only - its nothing to do with her. I dont mind her asking questions but I think thats crossing the line.

All good fun! I cant see it changing either - OH keeps saying his mother is stubborn - I dont give a cr*p what she is, I wont tolerate her speaking to me the way she did & running me down. I feel as though she hates me so dont understand why she would want anything to do with me anyway!

Mine aren't involved at all... they've shown very little interest in the wedding which is disappointing given that it's the first family wedding but hey ho. Mr Kooks wanted to store my dress at theirs rather than having it hanging up at home but I wouldn't trust MIL not to show people!

We invited them to come and look around the venue with us and my parents when we first booked it but they made some excuse not to come so I haven't really bothered since. I do feel it's a shame though.

Thankfully my mum is very interested!

My MIL to be is not really having any involvement. Not through her choice or mine, just that I can't think what she could get involved in, I've not even though about it.

My parents, and H2B parents haven't shown much interest at all. H2B's parents spilt up years ago - His father and step mum have booked for the whole 2 weeks with us, who were originally only gonna go for 1 but we mentioned that we would love their opinion and advice on visiting venues when we get to Lake Garda so were chuffed to bits when they booked for 2 weeks. They've offered to give us £500 to put towards what we would like. However, MIL2B - hasn't booked, hasn't asked anything about the wedding - and it's 14 weeks today til we fly out there. I wouldn't mind but we booked it all April 2010 - so it's not like we've not give everyone enough notice! In 2009 after H2B proposed, we told everyone straight away we'd be getting wed abroad.

My parents are not going and don't ask us anything at all! Their loss!

I'm getting married to my best friend and that's all that matters!! ❤️

My MIL2B is great and has offered to help as much as we would like her too. She also understands if we don't want her to do anything as she doesn't want to take anything away from my mum. We've asked her to help with the flowers and the decorating as she's very creative and think she'll do an amazing job.

My mother in law to be (there is no father of the bride unfortunately) is very involved with the wedding, but i'll answer from the opposite perspective as I think that's what you're asking for. My parents aren't that involved but I know that my mum wants to be, i've considered asking my fiancee if she would be comfortable asking mum to go on one dress hunting trip with her because I don't have any sisters, both my brothers are married already and I expect she would like to do it. I'm not sure whether it would go down well or not though, i've come up against many issues with my fiancee where I thought I was making a reasonable statement/request only to find that she finds it very unreasonable.

If you want to ask her to go look at your dress with you, why not? Worst she can say is no!

I wonder if that would be a good idea for a new post - from the groom's perspective. I would be interested to know what kind of things blokes are actually interested in helping with/contributing to etc - my OH just says 'as long as you're happy with it' but I'd like him to actually give an opinion most of the time!

You'd probably become a hate figure though lol definitely a controversial post I reckon!

I'm probably not popular on this forum as it is, to be honest. Not sure i'm up for starting controversy unless anyone wants to ask for my opinion on something specific, that way i'm just responding.

A male opinion that has value & constructive advice is always welcome!

Well, I get on very well with my future in-laws and I have involved them quite a bit because they are looking forward to the wedding. OH does not speak to his natural mother and my future MIL is actually his step-mum but he considers her more his Mum than his biological mother. I am involving them but NOT because they are paying for the whole reception and a few other bits, but because they showed interest, they offered to help with any ideas we may have but made it clear that they did not want to interfere, they didn't want to be consulted on guest list, wardrobe etc... They had a bad experience at their own wedding due to my FIL's mother doing exactly that, so much so that they don't even have wedding pics in the house as it reminds them of what an awful day it was. So, now they are very giidy to attend the wedding, to be parents of the groom but they have not said once "do this, or do that"... they helped a lot with ideas when we asked only and my future MIL has seen my dress, and I was asked to help her with purchasing her outfit as she couldn't liaise with my Mum (as my Mum lives abroad and also her English is not exactly fluent)...So yes, we are involving them quite a bit...

Sorry, going off topic here abit, but I'm really lucky that my H2B has been involved with everything (apart from my dress/shoes etc!)

He had final say on invitations & colour scheme, he helped choose bridesmaid dresses, has helped with every stage of favours. It's as much his big day as it is mine. I've found it soooo hard not to tell him anything about my dress as we talk about everything! Just can't wait to see his face when he see's me! xxx

My PIL2B haven't been very involved because they live so far away and also because they speak a different language from me so I can't update them on everything. However, we are going to visit them at the end of spring so I'm hoping they will be interested in seeing pictures of the church, reception venue and my dress. They have offered to contribute a couple of hundred towards the cost of the honeymoon but that has been all so far.

Mine aren't at all. Tbh, that's the way I prefer things. Yes, it would be nice for them to enquire about it occasionally, but they have other things going on in their lives at the moment. Although even if they didn't, I doubt they'd bring it up much! It's definitely not something that concerns me.

My FPIL are brilliant, I feel very lucky to have them, especially since I live 200 miles away from my parents. They constantly ask us how we're getting on do we need any help, but its not in an interfering way. OH parents live alot more comfrotable than my own parents do so they wanted to contribute so have paid for our reception FIL is very creative and wants to do our table plan aswell so we do owe them big time. I love OH Mum we often go out for lunch, I;ve spent many a Saturday afternoon with her just having a mooch round the shops, she's so excited about our big day, constantly looking on the net at things and I love them to peices, (not as much as my own lol) but I do feel blessed to have their love and support in such a great way.

I see your MILTB and raise you my MILTB from HELL, who is currently not speaking to us (which suits us fine as all she has ever had to say has been vile) and therefore not even invited to the wedding!!!

So to answer the original question....they are not involved AT ALL!!!

I would catch a quick word with her next time the two of you are alone; ambush her while she's in the kitchen putting the kettle on or something ?

Just say 'I appreciate that you've probably got a lot on with work and your own hobbies, interests, friends, etc. but I want you to know that I welcome your opinion on wedding arrangements, and just want to make sure that you're not feeling left out'

HTH x