How to deal with this friend?

What a horrible situation. She sounds unreliable and if she can't even make it to your wedding I am tempted to agree with your OH!

How awful! I wouldn't be the one to make first contact that's for sure!

It's up to her to apologise for missing your wedding, if she always cancels everything (I have one of those friends too) then I'd be inclined to say she cancelled the wedding cos that's just her, not cos of her son and hungover fiance! Even if she did apologise then I'm not sure if I would be interested anyway and certainly don't tell her it was ok for her not to come to your wedding, how would she react if you did this to her?!

You deserve better friends than that I'd say

I agree with your H, she sounds like a rubbish friend. I wouldnt bother contacting her, and if she does contact you I would tell her.

I say dump her too! If she can't make it to the most important day of your life without good reason then she is no friend anyway, just because you have known her so long doesn't mean you owe her anything. I can't be doing with 'friends' like this.

How awful and what a let down. She has had plenty of time to try and make amends, apologise, beg for forgiveness etc and she hasn't, despite the fact the original excuse sucked anyway if the childs father could have looked after the child. I am very black and white about situations like that, I would contact her and tell her how disappointed I was that she has not been in touch since letting me down on my wedding day and as such has made it clear as the lack of value she places on our friendship and I do not wish to continue the relationship... she is no friend, simple as that.

I'm with your OH on this one. I've dumped a couple of 'good friends' over the last 2 years after realising that I was putting way more into the friendship than they were and they both let me down over my wedding. Life is too short to waste time on people who constantly let you down, and it's liberating when you make that decision to stop bothering any more.

I'm with everyone else on this one. Just dont' get in touch with her. It's up to her to make it up to you if your willing to let her.

Not nearly as big as your friend doing this to you on your wedding day, but I bought H tickets to a gig in Manchester that was on on the 11th June (Monday)

I asked hs friend months ago if i bought the tickets would he go with him, and said friend said yes, so i bought the tickets. Originally it was supposed to be a surprise for H, but i ended up telling him. And i'm glad i did because the day of the gig, literally 20 minutes before H was due to board the bus down his friend TEXT him to say he wasn't going to make it. So we're not really speaking to him after that.

Completely agree and my so called "best friend" has been put by the way side due to me feeling like this.

To be honest i wouldnt be able to bite my tongue if i were you and would have it out with her. You certainly dont need friends like that.

Agree with everyone else.

I have currently put a friendship on hold until I decide what to do with it, as it is all about her, and apparently I am making her feel bad when she is at last in a good place. After I supported her through two years of crap....

And not having the emotional energy to deal with it, it feels fine to have made the decision not to engage with her for the time being.

Thats awful. It could be that her son was genuinly ill etc but tis a case of boy who cried wolf, you simply won't believe her because of her history of letting you down.

Tis not your job to get in touch, she has let you down big time.

I also have a friend who's a bugger for cancelling last minute. But I would never have forgiven her if she'd done that on my wedding day.

Unfortunately, she is the type of person who would say her son was ill if he had a bruise. And even if he is ill, why cant his Dad look after him.

Unless her son was needing urgent medical attention then she could have found a way round it.

I agree to just leave her to it and decide how you feel if she ever makes an effort to get back in touch.

I have an unreliable friend in my circle of friends from school. The five of us were best friends at school and remained really close afterwards. We put up with it for years but she missed one girl's wedding because she was working night shift the next day, my OH works night shift and he would never use that as an excuse. When it was the next girl's turn to get married she was going to Australia so we didn't expect her to come but she didn't even reply to the invitation and never called to say goodluck or ask how it went. After that we all agreed to not bother contacting her, if she wants to get back in touch then the ball is in her court.

That's awful PP. If you don't talk to this girl any more, will it affect things with your CBM? Or is she not talking to her either?

CBM thinks I should have said something on the day, but I just didnt care then. Now that I have had time to reflect and think about it, I am as pee'd off as her.

I wouldn't say anything specific to her about why she missed the day. You will end up in a stand off where she plays the solicitous mother as you claim to be more important - this is not a battle you will win (nor can you even set out that position tactfully or graciously).

I'd leave any contact and wait for her move.

My initial reaction was that she is awful and I would never speak to her again. But on second thoughts has her OH got something to do with it? My OH would never go out on a bender the night before my mated wedding and then not be able to look after our child.

Is he a bit controlling? Or has she always been like this? If she has been like this since before him then I would wash my hands of her. There is no excuse at all for missing your wedding.

This. I'd just stopped making any effort altogether.

I'm sorry that your friend let you down on your wedding day, it sounds like her OH was more than capable of looking after their son.

I am going through something similar just now so I know how hard it is. I'm just going to wait until after the wedding to decide what I am going to do about it.

Sadly LP, she's always been flaky, and her OH is nice man generally so I hope that he wouldnt be anything to do with it.

In that case I think it is time to cut and run! It is unforgivable that she let you down. And at such short notice. She is not a friend at all. Friends are supposed to be supportive and make your life more enjoyable. She just sounds like a selfish pain in the arse. Just don't contact her again.

Cut the deadwood I say. I lost a friend through the wedding. She was supposed to be maid of honour. She was a constant letdown and mean with it so I cut all ties about 2 months before. I've not heard from her since and I am happier for it.

I don't agree with the other posters who said leave it to her to contact you, all this does is still leave things hanging and unresolved. If you are the one to take action you will feel better for sorting it out and dealing with the situation yourself.

I think ultimately it depends on how you feel about the friendship. Do you enjoy spending time with her (when she doesn't flake out)? Does she add anything positive to your life? A couple of years ago I ended a friendship with someone who had previously been one of my best friends, because I realised she added nothing positive to my life anymore, all she did was piss me off and make me feel crap. I genuinely felt like a weight has been lifted after I ended the friendship. On the basis of what you've said so far I'd agree with your OH, I know I would do anything to attend a close friend's wedding and she doesn't sound like a true friend to me, but I don't know what your friendship is like overall.

If it was me I'd just leave it and let the friendship run it's course. I'm not good at confrontation though. If you still want to be friends, but you know it will continue to niggle at you, you need to let her know how you feel,

I have a friend who told me he couldn't come to our wedding as it clashed with another friends wedding. I was disapointed (particularly as I had listened to him rant about how annoying this friend was on more than one occassion) but that was his choice. I found out a couple of months ago, via facebook, that his friends wedding was the week before mine. I haven't asked him why he lied to me as I don't want confrontation, but I was pretty angry. Now I've calmed down I've decided do my best to forget it. We'll see each other in a few weeks at a party and I'll just be normal to him.

He wasn't a friend I have known since I was 6 and was best friends with though.

Even if her son was genuinely ill, the fact that she regularly let's you down means that you would be less believing of it anyway. It's a bit like the boy who cried wolf. Her husband being too hungover to look after him so she misses your wedding is piss poor. If it was me I would not contact her as I'd be too angry. If she contacts you I would be honest and explain that not only does she regularly let you down by cancelling last minute but she did so on your wedding day which was the last straw.

I ditched a friend once, it was a really difficult decision. She was incredibly needy and I spent my life running around sorting out her messes, it was exhausting and not healthy. Sometimes friendships change and are just not meant to be. Now I think that friendships are meant to be easy, even if you don't see a friend that often it shouldn't matter. To be honest I think she needs to learn how crap she is, you never know she might start making an effort.

She sounds like a waste of space, and not worth your effort. I had a friend like this and in the end I just stopped contacting her, she never bothered to contact me again so it showed how important I was to her. It is sad to lose a friend, but these things work both ways and it doesn't sound like she's contributing anything to the friendship. I would leave the ball in her court, it's up to her to make it up to you, if the friendship means enough to her.

I agree with everyone else, your OH is on the button here. I agree wholeheartedly with everyone else too.

I agree with those who said to just leave it for now and wait for her to contact you.

I must admit that I once missed a friend's wedding due to illness, and had to cancel at the last minute, because I didn't fall ill until the early hours on the day she got married. I felt terrible, and rang up her house in floods of tears, but I didn't get to speak to her. Her mum answered the phone, and her response to my tear-filled explanation and apology was, "well that's just great isn't it?" and she put the phone down.

J hadn't been invited to the ceremony, but he was invited to the evening do, and he still went after I persuaded him to go (mainly so he could take the card and present). My friend came marching up, demanding to know why I hadn't shown up or made contact, and J explained and said I'd spoken to her mum.

Things were fine between me and my friend, because she knew it was genuine, although she did tell me that her and her mum had a row, about her not passing on my message!