I wish I could be happy with my size

If it helps I think the vast majority of people are far more judgemental of themselves than they are of others (women anyway, not sure if it holds for men). I'm far more likely to be worrying about my own size than that of others. In fact if I see someone my size or bigger in a bikini it just reaffirms to me that it is OK for me to be wearing it. Sadly I mostly saw skinny people on my most recent bikini holiday ?.

I think the world would be a much better place if we could be happy with our 'natural' size. I was a stone lighter at my wedding 2 years ago, a year before that I was a stone heavier than I am now. I've maintained this weight or near enough for a year so I think it's pretty much what I will be if I don't diet or exercise (neither of which I'm very good at). So really I should learn to accept it but it's difficult to do. I am planning to exercise a bit more in the form of cycling but shouldn't think it will be enough to lose weight - and in my current situation it's not overly likely to happen anyway ?.

Hope you find a way to find some peace with yourself - because really no one is going to be looking at you. I got some of those floaty insubstantial cover up things for walking to and from the beach and wearing to the bar for snacks etc - they don't cover everything, but enough to give me a bit more confidence walking around the place. Once I was on my lounger I was fine because I zoned out. Maybe something like that might help?

Thanks for the reassaurance SC99. I do have loads of covers up/sarongs etc but I just know I'm going to be too self conscious to even feel slighty happy in those.

I always think that people are staring at me. I also think my H will be embarrassed of me although he's never even given me any reason to think that. Just all in my mind.

God I just love food/drink too much and hate exercise.

I envy confident people.

I think most women are the same, I'm off on my honeymoon in two weeks and have been trying to be good, but I know I have put on weight since the wedding, so paranoid about the large boobs I have, I hate them.

The way I try and think of it, there is all sorts of shapes and sizes on the beach, early this year I was in Eygpt on a boat on a dive trip with hubby, there was a lovely lady there who was not your usual skinny min, but confidence and friendliness oozed out of her I am convinced nobody noticed her size, but just wanted to be in her company. I think confidence is the best attribute to have, so I am working on mine heavily for the next month or so!!!!!

I feel the same. I wish I could be happy the size that I am, partly as I suspect I am never going to lose the weight and keep it off as I love my food too much and have very little time to exercise and even less motivation to exercise. I need to get my head back into dieting mode, I was doing really well until about 3 weeks ago when it all just fell apart!

Firstly, well done on losing 20lbs, that's fab!

I agree that women are usually far too busy worrying about how they look to think about other people - I know I spend all my time obsessing about how I look, especially when in a bikini. I also only ever compare myself to other people unfavourably - everyone else always looks better than me.

I suspect I shall never really be happy with how I look, the day before my wedding I spent an hour crying because I hated how fat I was in my dress. I was a size 8. Now nearly a year later I would love to be that size again! I remember you from planning and I think you're probably a bit like me too and not really happy at any size (sorry if that isn't the case though).

I don't have the answers though I'm afraid. At the moment I'm trying to remind myself of the fact that I'm never happy with how I look so that I perhaps accept myself a bit more, I'm also trying to develop a healthier relationship with food so that I don't use it for comfort/reward etc. and also don't deprive myself (because I, like lots of women I think, tend to swing from one extreme to the other). I'm trying to learn from and eat like (although smaller portions!) my H who has none of the food hang-ups I do. I hope we will have children in the not too distant future and one of my biggest worries about parenthood is that I will pass on my issues to my children, so I really want to address them now. It's still early days and I can't really say if it's working or not at the moment...I'm keeping my fingers crossed but do tend to see any slight slip up as a massive issue and give up so, I'll have to keep persevering.

On a slightly different note, when my great aunt was dying from cancer I can remember her saying (about her tiny appetite) 'Well, at least I've lost some weight'. I often think about that when I'm feeling particularly rubbish about how I look / what I'm eating / what the scales say.

Fenella did you not lose tons of weight for your wedding? i think i remember you extreme dieting for it and when i saw your photos, you were tiny yet still talking about losing 7lbs. (apologies if this wasnt you)

Do you think you are ever going to be happy at any weight? I ask because 5 yrs ago i was a size 12 and thought that was huge, went to a 14 and was devastated. I then dropped 2 stone on the atkins and felt great, am now a size 16 which i hate! I look at photos of me when i was a 12 and 14 and wonder why i used to hate my body so much. I looked great in the pics yet clearly remember the nights the pics were taken on and clearly remember not wanting anyone dancing behind me, not wanting to be seen from the bust down when i was sitting at a table, planning to sit on bar stools as you look slimmer than when you sit on a sofa etc etc etc.

I realise now that i was sitting panicking about my weight and how awful i must look when in fact i looked great and should really have been enjoying myself whilst out instead of obsessing over how disgusting i looked.

(turned out longer than i thought!)

Its funny how we percieve ourselves isnt it.... i remember your wedding photos, you looked fantastic. you could put on 5 stones and still not be as big as me. i can understand how you feel big now you have put the weight on, but as far as other people thinking you are fat, i can assure you they wont.

On a recent holiday I only packed tankini's and one piece's because I was convinced I was far too fat to wear a bikini. I wasn't the biggest person the beach by any stretch of the imagination. And everyone else was wearing bikini's, even the grannies. I felt stoopid for not bringing one. I really do need to get a grip with my lack of body confidence. It is ridiculous.

I've never really worried about my size - I'm a size 10 so I don't really have to. We went on a bikini holiday last year, it was the first one I'd been on since I was about 15, we tend to do city holidays rather than lazy holidays. As we were coming up to it, I started panicking about being in a bikini, not because of my size but because I have a lot of scars on my legs - I used to be a self harmer. I have one scar in particular that is very noticable - it had needed stitches but the stitches came out because I didn't keep the wound dry, and as a result the scar is huge. But apart from that there are rows of scars from simple razor cuts - it's clear to anyone looking at them how I got them. I was convinced everybody would be looking at me thinking I was a freak. I took a few sarongs with me, and did use them when wondering around, but not when sunbathing, going to the pool etc. At first I thought everyone was looking at me, but gradually I realised they weren't.

I think we all have insecurities about our bodies. OH was complaining that she looked fat and that she hated her tummy (a constant insecurity but made worse by the bikini!) but in reality she's beautiful and has an amazing figure. Towards the end of the two weeks I was beginning to think "sod what anybody else thinks" and it made me much happier. Not sure if I'd be immediately that confident if we went on another beach holiday though!

Enjoy your holiday and don't worry about what people are thinking, they're probably not thinking anything. Each one of us is unique and beautiful, even if we don't match the images in the lads mags and glamour mags. We're far more interesting than that.

" Each one of us is unique and beautiful, even if we don't match the images in the lads mags and glamour mags. We're far more interesting than that."

Well said Cbear! ?

This is one of my favourite quotes. I honestly think that when we look at ourselves we concentrate on our flaws but when others look at us they focus more on our good points.

I've never been happy with my size. At my biggest i was a size 10-12, my smallest i was just under 6 stone. I'm now a size 6-8 and very conscious that i'm over 2 stone heavier than i was 4 years ago. Many people think i've got a great figure, but i still see imprefections. I know this makes me sound mental but it's true. I'm the size i am now out of health and nothing else. In my head i was much happier smaller. Although looking back now i didn't realise how small i was. I think as long as you're healthy, but happy that's all that matters. I've bought my wedding dress and it had to be ordered in an 8 as the dress i wanted didn't come in 6's. It's making me more and more determind to not lose any weight as my dress will look silly and too big. If only we we're the main judge of ourselves! x

I wouldn't say I was happy with my size, but I'm not unhappy enough to let it affect my everyday life. But it's only in the last few years, ie into my mid/late 30s that I can say that. I'm 5'2" and the smallest I've ever been in adult life is a size 12. I'm enormously pregnant at the moment, but pre-pregnancy I was a generous size 18, a 20 on top if the fabric wasn't stretchy ?

So, I can confidently say, actually properly big and fat.

I'd like to be smaller for my health, it's not good for you being obese, and pre pregnancy I was well into that category. It's annoying not finding clothes that fit anywhere - combination of short and fat is really difficult to get anything other than jeans and stretchy tops/t-shirts - BUT it didn't ruin my life. Whereas being a size 12/14 a decade ago felt like the worst thing in the world. So, what changed? I don't know. But things I don't do are watch much TV, pay any attention to celebrity stuff, read women's magazines. I don't have any wish to appear attractive to anyone other than my husband, it just doesn't seem to figure in my list of what's important anymore. So actually I'm far happier on a beach now, in my gigantic size 18 swimming costume (and do remember how short I am ?) than I was 10 or 15 years ago when I actually looked much better.

I don't know what this ramble is about, except to say that an acceptance of whatever you look like is possible, and (more importantly) that you don't need to be skin and bone to be worthwhile, or lovable, or acceptable. I wasted far too many years thinking like that - and thinking I looked like a beast when actually I was an attractive young woman and I wish I'd made more of that.

I'm another on who's chronically unhappy with my body. Basically I've had to accept that in order not to obsess about it and feel miserable, I need to keep my weight down below a certain level. If I'm not fitting into size 10 trousers I feel like crap. So that's what I do.

Exercise is an absolute bloody lifesaver though. Running has made me feel much, much better about my body - it changes the way you think about it when your body achieves things you never thought you could, you see your shape changing, get excited by new strength and speed and so on.

I don't own a bikini though. Beach holidays aren't my kind of thing and I know they'd just be an emotionl minefield, so I keep away.

I'm the same as Sophie. I've never owned a bikini and can't imagine ever wanting to wear one. I have a huge scar across my stomach, which creases quite deep, worse when I sit down, to create a massive tyre. I don't *hate* my body per se, but am very critical about it. My weight has veered between 9st and 12 1/2 st, and feel happier when slimmer. I feel happier when at the smaller end, although 9st at 5'8" (and a large frame) was too difficult to sustain. I was so bloody hungry and lethargic! It's a tough call as I am a greedy sod who loves food and booze, but beat myself up about the consequences. I don't do as much exercise as I'd like, as certain weather triggers my asthma, although I walk everywhere and try to go running at least twice a week for 2-3 miles (it's hilly where I live so that is enough!). The only saving grace is I have skinny forearms and lower legs, so always dress to show these off, which creates the impression of being thinner than I am!

What is strange is that I get more critical the older I get. I don't think there was as much pressure on women in the media, or the tendency to over-analyse our appearances, 10-15 years ago. I only started giving a *** about my figure and appearance in my mid-20s. I don't remember girls caring about their weight when we were at school, and the concept of dieting was alien!

I'm a generous size 12 but at the moment I'm pretty happy with my body (having suffered from real body issues in my teens) and I think this is due to being happy and confident in other areas of my life, and also having a regular exercise regime that I really enjoy.

I definitely see the imperfections - mostly flabby thighs and bum, but when I'm clothed I feel pretty confident (never, ever thought I'd hear myself say that). I think a lot of that is having a much better understanding of how to dress to flatter my figure than when I was in my teens. I'm a tall, typical hourglass and I know what suits me and what looks hideous. I make no attempt to follow fashion and just wear what flatters me.

Other people looking at me might think I'm large but I feel in proportion and, whilst I would like to be more toned (and hopefully will be increasingly so soon due to my swimming), I don't actually want to get much smaller, as I love my cleavage and curves, and I know that's my natural shape. A very close friend of mine who is the same height and the same build, has suffered from anorexia since her teens and whenever I see her I think how ill she looks (even now she is 'recovered' with a 'low-normal' BMI). If I ever think I'd like to get much smaller I look at her and change my mind (I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, I absolutely love her and she's one of my favourite people in the world, I just think she still looks ill).

Having said all that, I'm off to visit my sister in the Algarve next week. I'm not normally a bikini holiday person but I suspect being basically on the beach, some swimwear-wearing will be expected (plus I love swimming in the sea so I'm determined not to cut off my nose to spite my face by hiding in clothes). I am not looking forward to wearing a bikini but will stay in a skirt/shorts/sarong unless I'm actually swimming, and try and chill and enjoy being in the sun and seeing my fab sister.

FF I remember when I saw your dress I thought 'oh I couldn't get away with that' and when you talked about not sure if the dress was going to look good and you wobbled over it I thought to myself 'that's good that she isn't a perfect size 10 then'. Then your photos were posted and I'm not just saying this please believe me but you looked STUNNING and not one wobble on your tummy as you had worried about. I was so envious of your figure then and I'm sure I would still be now.

You did pretty extreme dieting I think before the wedding so putting weight on afterwards when you didn't have the worry/stress of looking great was pretty much going to happen.

I showed my colleagues a picture of me taken 5 years ago and they were astonished at how small I was. I was a bit taken a back as it meant they thought I'd piled weight on since then, have I have. In the picture I probably weighed just under 8 stone and now I'm 10 1/2 stone (on a good day). When I was at my smallest I didn't even think I was that slim but looking back I'm like OMG!!!

My ideal weight is 8 1/2 stone (in my head) but to achieve this I need to have no treats, run approx 30 miles a week and no life outside of exercise. I have a full time job and my own business now so getting back into the lifestyle which allows for so much exercise isn't going to happen and I'm realistic about that however that doesn't make me happier.

People have even said with surprise in their voice about how slim I looked in my wedding pics and it's hurtful that they are surprised but corsets do wonders for your waist!

I hope that I'm not out of turn here but would you consider speaking to your GP or a counsellor to maybe help you see that your figure/weight isn't anything to be worried about?

xx

I'm not happy with my size but I could live with it if it wasn't for the horrific cellulite I have.

I'd give anything to be rid of it.

Fenella - your beautiful and I can't imagine anybody thinking negative comments about seeing you in a bikini - no matter what size you are.

Absolutely what PL said, with knobs on. I am average height (5'6") but take an 18/20 dress size. I sometimes do worry from a health perspective but, to be honest, the older I get the less I worry about it. Fuck'em. If all 'they' can see is my body shape and size, then they're not people I want to get to know.

I believe that being more confident with my body co-incided with sleeping naked on a regular basis. I think you get used to your naked body if you see it often enough - if you always cover up, then I guess it comes as a shock.

I think my biggest issue is not my size but my body shape.
I could be 10 stone (I wish) but being an apple shape I will never have the hourglass womanly figure I desire. I am trying to accept myself as I am but it's an uphill struggle most of the time.
I dread losing weight though as I know I will still be left with my crepe paper belly, a leftover from having kids. I hate it with a passion