Is my MIL talking rubbish (asthma related)

I'd certainly be interested to see her sources for this.

As an asthmatic who also worked in respiratory medicine for a number of years, it's news to me.

Absolute bollox.

If kids have asthma, it needs treating. Most children have mild asthma, but it can be life threatening.

I can't believe she's even suggesting otherwise tbh. You could say my flabber is ghasted.

Total shite I'm afraid. it can be life threatening so therefore needs to be treated.

A (very) quick literature search yields no mention of "lung collapse" as a side effect.

There certainly are considerations to be made in prescribing asthma meds to young children. You can lose drug effectiveness over time as the body gets used to it, and there is also a risk of developing more sever asthma later on.

But these are both less important than the fact that unmanaged asthma can kill, easily.

Young men in their 20s with lung disease are at a higher risk of spontaneous pneumothorax ("lung collapse") than the general population (still very low risk), but it has absolutely nothing to do with their medication. In fact, there is some evidence that the better controlled the asthma is, the less likely you are to get a pneumothorax.

Thank you all. I was starting to doubt myself (obvously spent too much time with MIL lately).

My daughter who is nearly 2 has been perscibed an inhaler. MIL says I should throw it away and has refused to give it to her. She went off about how treating young boys kills them in their 20s and how I need to think carefully before treating her in case it applies to girls as well. BIL had an inhaler as a child that she threw away. He coughed until in her words she thought his heart would give out.

Well myself and 3 of my brothers have been taking inhalers since around 3 or 4 and we are all here and no collapsed lungs in sight. I think she'd making it up! Surely not treating it would be a LOT, LOT worse?

So let me get this straight, if Iz was with MIL and was coughing and wheezing she wouldn't let her have her inhaler? That beggars belief and I think you & E need to sit down and have a serious chat with her. Or reconsider your childcare arrangements.

Hope you're all ok?

Most definitely.

I really can't say with any certainty should would or wouldn't. I think it would depend on how much she thought she would get caught out (i.e. the whootsits incident). Iz's coughing isn't bad enough that its going to kill her (well I certainly hope not) so if it was a day when I was working from home and in ear shot she may do but if she was by herself no I don't think she would give it to her.

It is not your MIL's decision on how to medicate your child - I'm pretty disgusted by her attitude tbh. Your husband should speak to her and tell her in no uncertain terms that she should give her the inhaler if she is wheezing / coughing. I never understand how some people think they know better than the medical profession - would doctors prescribe ventolin etc... if it killed boys in their 20s?

It's all very well saying that your daughter might not be caughing too much, but believe me, a really nasty attack can come out of nowhere and land you in hospital. <voice of experience>

What utter tosh! Does she realised that inhalers can save the lives of people with asthma?

As someone who almost died due to asthma at 3, 7, 8, 11 and 15 I wouldn't leave my child in the care of someone who I had any doubts at all would give them the medication they'd been prescribed by a qualified Dr, especially medication for anything breathing related. I don't know any boys who had asthma who died because of their medication, but I did know a lad who died when we were 15 because he didn't have his inhaler with him when he had a massive asthma attack.

I will get H to sit down with her and tell her straigh what we expect her to do. It helps that I can say truthfully I've not been able to find any evidence that it causes problems.

We are very grateful that she looks after izzy 2 days a week but she does tend to do what she wants and not what we ask her unless she thinks she will get caught out somehow.

I hope you get this sorted out soon, you need to be 100% sure that she would give Iz her inhaler if she needed it, whether or not you were around. Would it help if you took her to the doctors with you & Iz and let the doctor explain it to her?

I doubt it. She thinks that the dr has given it to her to satisfy me so I feel like they are doing something not because she needs it. Once she has made up her mind about something its impossible to change it.

Good lord she's a stubborn bint. Maybe we should introduce her to my mil, I think they'd get on well. She's a stubborn pig headed mule who thinks everyone else is wrong if their opinion conflicts with hers as well!

I am truly shocked by this actually. If I were you I'd be changing my childcare arrangements, never leaving her alone with your child, and telling her why - totally, totally unacceptable.

If this was anyone (MIL or not) looking after my child, I would be making immediate alternative childcare arrangements and whilst I appreciate that this may cost, I would not be happy keeping my child in such a potentially dangerous environment.

I'm actually stunned that anyone would endanger their granddaughter's health in such a way and would ensure she never had unsupervised access.

I agree with MA and Sophie. It'd be a pita to sort other arrangements and may cause offence, but I wouldn't be able to relax with a person who'd ever mentioned not giving my child their medication taking care of them.

I also agree - I wouldn't leave my child with someone who could potentially endanger their life. And I'd be telling my MIL that as well.

WEES. Its one thing if a grandparent gives a child an extra biscuit here or there, or lets them watch more tv/stay up later etc; but quite another to put your child's life in danger.

No way would I leave my child with someone under those circumstances. I think you/your H needs to make it very clear that no matter, what she thinks, if she doesn't follow your wishes - not to mention the doctor's instructions - then she won't be needed for childcare anymore; nor will she be allowed unsupervised access with your daughter.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr. You should ask your MIL to give me a ring.

I could chat through to her my Friday 13th of this month. The ambulance ride from home after a 999 call when my 10 year old couldnt breathe enough to take his multidose of inhaler to the hospital was scary. But not nearly as scary as the next 24 hours when he had dose after dose of nebuliser to help him breathe again (in between getting oxygen) then another ambulance trip (once he had stabilised enough) to a special care kids ward at another hospital with an asthma consultant for kids. That trip he had cables everywhere on him in the ambulance and then in hospital for another 3 days before he picked up and was able to move to 4 hourly multidose of inhalers. Nothing, and I mean nothing, except the medicine he was given helped him overcome what was another massive asthma attack.

He was first diagnosed at 2 years old and had many an attack until he was 5. After which he had 1 or 2 a year and has not had a bad once since he was 8. He had daily inhalers to prevent his asthma attacks and tables to keep his airways open at night. He is back to normal now, but it scares the sh*t out of you, even after years of coping with it.

It is utter tosh that little boys shouldnt get treatment and you and your hubby MUST ensure that she gives your little one medication exactly as you say, otherwise she could be putting your little one at risk.

? to your MIL but you are totally correct - utter nonsense!

Having known a teenager who died of an asthma attack when she didn't take her inhaler out with her, please make sure she understands how serious it could be if she doesn't have her medication.

WEES. I would be immediately withdrawing any care she gives your daughter and telling her why. You cannot risk leaving her with someone who may not give her the medication she needs until it's too late. Would your GP be willing to talk to her and explain how vital this is?

Shar, that must have been terrifying for you ?

I agree with what everyone else has said, I know it's not easy with family but there is no way on God's green earth that I would let someone look after my children who could so easily put their health and lives at risk. If I were you I'd be changing your childcare arrangments immediately, because even if after a good talking to she said she'd do it, could you ever really trust her?

You poor thing, what a horrendous situation for your family to be in.

Sorry for not coming back to this sooner.

Shar that must have been truly terrifying for you.

Thank you for making me sure that she is talking utter rubbish. I'm hoping that by proving what she thinks its true is rubbish and telling her firmly that this is the way it is and what she has to do she will do it. Otherwise we will have to look for alternative childcare.

Make an appt with the GP for Iz and make the MIL come with you. Get her/him to explain how and why she MUST use the inhaler. Once that's done, and still in front of the GP ask if she's clear with it, does she have any questions or concerns.

If you then have any dobts you have no choice but to reconsider childcare.

I completely disagree with this.

The wider problem here is one of boundaries. When a parent makes a decision about a child's welfare, and another person thinks they have a right to overrule that decision (based on ignorance or not) - THAT is the real problem that needs to be addressed.

The fact that it's something as major as this is concerning, sure, but I think the whole attitude of "I know better than the parent so I'll do as I like regardless of their wishes" is one that needs to be tackled head on. It's ok to have, and voice, a differing opinion, but to act on that is totally out of order.

Hence taking that person to a GP surgery in an effort to convince them the parent's way is righ is kind of moot. The fact is that boundaries need to be set - and not just set, respected!

It should be enough to explictly state "no, this is what is going to happen with my child", and that's that. Fine to have a conversation to alleviate the ignorance shown here, but it's rather immaterial if a change of opinion is obtained or not...

You see I mostly agree with you.

BUT in many families, where this is never going to work in a million years (and I know of a lot of families where this is the case), the reality is that the OP would have to make a choice between allowing the situation to continue or making a stand and destroying the wider family. I have seen families break down beyond repair over far less than parents informing grandparents that a child will no longer spend any time alone with them. I assume that the OP doesn't want this to happen in her family, she has already tried to tackle it over less important issues, this one is critical, here she needs to learn, very quickly, why her choice would be wrong.

Once that's dealt with, then they can look at the real issue.

I think that's a good idea TF - sometimes people need a respected Dr figure to hammer home the point that their child is not just being stubborn and you can't alwys just say no more access to a child, it's complicated.

Inhalers can be preventive as well as treating acute attacks so she needs to realise that ignoring the asthma will just increase the risk of problems.

FWIW, my otherwise intelligent MIL never got the concept that my H's rhinitis treatments worked on an acculumlative and preventive basis and didn't want him ttaking steroids all the time even though that was what the GP prescribed. It's very hard to persuade people tochange their beliefs sometimes.