Isnt it funny how dead it is round here?

Funny's probably not the word I'd use, but it's a damn shame how things have turned out.

I know moderators have a job to do and Dean has outlined the criteria they use in his post, but I don't understand why out of the blue such a heavy-handed approach has been deemed necessary. Posts and threads going missing all over the place with no explanation just makes people uncomfortable, so it's unsurprising no one wants to post anymore. The generic explanation's one thing, but it would have been better if explanations for the removal of specific posts/threads had been given.

This place just isn't the same anymore ☹️

Very sad as we still have a year left of planning.

Hitched have ruined it themselves though, thats the shame.

Yes they have. Not sure why they're worrying about Monday site rage (or whatever it's called) if they're intent on pissing everyone off before then.

I am on DW but will still pop over here when I want to discuss wedding stuff... also, I want to read people's reports etc (I love reports and pictures)...

Tis true that WP over on the dark side is dead.

Fact is, I was coming on here to discuss other stuff nothing to do with weddings...

I still like looking at dresses etc though I find colour scheme discussions very ?

And after all the hard work that was put in making OT lively again!!!

I think you'll find a lot of the reason it is quiet is due to the slowness of the site last night, in part to the maintenance before the transfer that Dean posted about in the wedding forum.

Of course there's a few people a bit annoyed because the mods have started doing their job properly - but there's still plenty of us around Hitched and, in due course, numbers will recover (if, of course, they've really been significantly affected which I doubt).

It's the number of posts, just as much as the number of posters, that keeps a forum going... and let's face it, the way some people act towards new users was probably making them not stay around much anyway.

At the end of the day, Hitched is a commercial venture and like any business it must put its own interests above the egos of a few individuals for the benefit of everyone - because, let's face it, without the advertising revenue, it either has to become a 'pay to join' site or close down, which doesn't really help anyone.

I'm not afraid to admit I've had my run ins in the past with Hitched staff - not going into details - but the big problem with forums is that disagreements often turn nasty very quickly and looking back at it I've probably learnt something from it, despite many years of forum involvment and various terms in moderating, admin and content creation roles. I only stopped because the game closed down and wasn't involved in any of the other games they covered at the time. I look back with fondness at my days with http://sims.stratics.com/ ... check out my name appearing on the 'staff created gameplay guides' on the left.

You don't get advertising revenue without footfall, forums give you that. It's a double edged sword certainly, but the forums aren't supplied purely out of the goodness of the Hitched Team's hearts.

Oh absolutely, but just because one poster leaves and her friends flounce off in a huff, doesn't mean the world is falling apart.

In fact, I dare say that without some posters this place would be a much happier one all round. I'm more than convinced that people often haven't posted in a thread because it's been hijacked by a select few people for whatever reason, I've often not posted myself because I can see exactly where it's being taken by some people and I'm not prepared to waste my time defending a perfectly legitimate view because one of the "in crowd" takes a dislike to it.

For those that leave, there will be many more people joining in the future, and in 6 months time it'll be "who?" when anyone who's been here a while mentions those that left.

As I've said many times before, none of us are indispensible, and that's the cold reality of it all.

Hi,

I missed everything yesterday, as I was on a 'day out'! Could someone pelase give me a brief overview?

Someone got a warning from the mods, their friends whined about it, acted childishly and caused all sorts of havoc, then flounced off to some other forum in a huff when they too got put in their place.

I missed a lot of it to as was out of the office in a meeting. From what I can gather, Trickers was told off by admin for being naughty or something. She went on strike and stopped posting. CB posted a "bon voyage" thread in here, which resulted in loads of Hitchers going onto The Deadwood site.

I don't know whether it's intentional, but you do come across as rather pompous sometimes.

I don't think anyone thinks that the world is falling apart. My take on it all is that loads of the regulars like to come on here and chat (rather than discuss wedding stuff) and they felt unable to do so without being censored. The main bone of contention being that once a post is removed, no reason is given.

I have gone over to DW as I liked "chatting" to many of the regulars and wanted to continue to do so. When I want to chat about wedding planning I will come on here.... not that I have much to talk about anymore.

I do sometimes find the WP site a bit dull because people don't use the search function and so the same discussion comes up over and over. I don't like typing out the same old replies. If I see that someone genuinely needs help with something, then I will of course add to the discussion.

Where threads have descended into bullying (and there have been one or two I've seen and steered clear of posting on) and personal insults the moderators have to take action if asked to do so. I understand that. However, the over zealous moderation in the last few days has overstepped the mark by a long way and several contributors have felt that it's stifled their ability to debate matters to an unacceptable level. I'm inclined to agree given the various deletions which happened on the "Forum censorship" thread and have only refrained from decamping to DW because I can't access it at work and want to stay here for the BT forum.

Where threads appear to a moderator to incorporate bullying or personal insults it would seem far more appropriate for the post to be edited (rather than deleted entirely) and replaced with a message along the lines of "this post has been deleted beacause it broke the forum rules", perhaps followed up by an e-mail to the offending party explaining on what grounds it was removed.

It is a shame that this hasn't been handled better and, as a previous poster pointed out, OT had only just started to recover after being a virtual desert for over a year following ill considered action by the powers that be. History repeats itself, it seems.

I have NEVER seen a post "descend into bullying" and the clique thing just screams to me of people who were left out of the "in crowd" at school and never really got over it.

Oh and for the record- not sure if I count as being in "Trickers gang" but I certainly havnt been put in my place by Hitched or anyone else for that matter.

AJ- I hear a mod has quit- you up for the job?

Depends if I'm asked - or a post gets advertised. Certainly I do have plenty of experience although this forum software is different the background functions are probably fairly similar. I know there are a team of mods at Hitched, although most of them don't post with a mod tag like Sherrie does, and stay "behind the scenes" instead. Maybe the current team is big enough.

Might try if it does get advertised. However, in the majority of cases, it is recommended that moderators have separate usernames to their main posting names, so even if I was taken on you wouldn't know it was me as I'd be using a separate ID for mod work - as is the norm on most forums.

However, I don't know whether the mods are volunteers, or do the role as part of a full time job doing other stuff at Hitched. I would be happy to give some time as a volunteer mod but I doubt if they have any full time positions I'd be interested in as they are probably mostly either technical or sales.

Without mentioning specific threads there were one or two where I certainly got the impression that an idea wasn't given the same hearing as it would have done had it come from a different poster and that made me feel very uncomfortable. Alternatively ancient history was dug up and raked over when there was no need for it or a point was laboured throughout a thread whilst nothing new was added. That doesn't mean I think there is/was a clique. I don't think the way to deal with it is to delete threads though - a post on a thread by a mod saying "can we return to topic please" or "ok, you've made your point can we move on" would have been far more appropriate.

On the flip side of that I think there was a lot of "banter" which was totally misinterpreted.

I think everyone needs to move on a bit now.

I dont recall, although I may have missed, any names actually being thrown about with the 'clique'. So if you consider yourself in it, then you probably put yourself there.

Certain members have clearly found a happier place to be and thats great. For those still here I would imagine are ready to move on and see threads about other things.

*Gets off soap box*

Completely agree with you on both points CG.

So if its a voluntary thing do you have to commit a few hours a week to it etc? Just assumed Mods were paid and it was a job rather than a vountary thing.

Maybe I should give it a whirl!!

Actually, they were in a roundabout way as it was suggested that regular threads with members usernames in the title were cliquey.

Completely agree with Cookie Galore.

It is such a shame considering how busy OT had become in the last few weeks.

As I said, I really don't know how things worked with Hitched staff. Most forums that I know of have volunteer moderators, and in fact are more or less entirely volunteer run.

With usual forums yes, but I get the impression that is not the case with Hitched as it is so advertiser driven and was set up as a means to sell wedding stuff... the forums are just a side line really. I know many people who have come on here and never even looked at the forums, or if they have, just used the search function to find an answer.

I completely agree that if a thread resorted to direct personal insults then it should be pulled but there are ways of doing this that don't result in a witch hunt against a long standing and generally well liked member of the forum.

It would work much better if, as mentioned by Cookie, that the offending posts were replaced with a message to say why they were censored rather than being deleted without known reason.

Regular posters and old married's have a lot of useful advice to give and they have now been alienated. As many "newbies" have said over the last few days - they "get" the banter, they understand that forums will have groups of people that know each other better as they have been here longer and they are all perfectly capable of holding an adult conversation!!!

I think what is just as frustrating is the inconsistency in regulating the forums from Hitched.

I think that names definitely have been mentioned off here. But I'm not sure if I'm in the clique or not - I "get on" with lots of H'ers on and off the forum and have met up with a couple in RL.

What I don't like is that there have been threads that directly attack a few of the regular Hitchers on here, and whilst they have been deleted, those H'ers have then been accused of bullying, etc. When surely someone has been bullying them too? Not sure if that makes sense but it does seem like a group of people who get along have been accused of being nasty and then have been made to feel uncomfortable by other Hitchers

Everyone is going to feel differently about whats happened and thats why its best to all move on

So on that note lets get OT going again!

Hear hear.

I am on here quite a lot, especially in the WP forum, although i don't post that often. I could be entirely wrong, but my thoughts were that the 'clique' were actually friends in the real world who chat to each other on here. I didn't think it was an actual clique thing.

And even if they were a 'clique', who cares? They still give honest advice like everyone else, the only difference is that if it was something you didn't want to hear, it was considered bullying or rude or a personal attack on them because it was said by a memeber of the 'clique'

Like i say, i could be wrong. I actually value the opinions of the frequent posters on here, and i think it's a shame that the forum has descended into a playground where the outdoor monitor is sending all the honest talking people to the naughty step because someone was upset and oversensitive with a user's (who is deemed cliquey) opinion.

Well said! Some people are happy to suggest to move on as they've got the result that they wanted, if certain past FB statuses are anything to go by.

(PS Others might just want the horrible feelings to go away, so please don't take offence!)