Losing my identity

I'm just very lazy and tight with money. The passport had 8 years to run when we married, so hasn't been changed and I've no plans to. The bank account got changed the day after the wedding because I had cheques in the new name to pay in. Other stuff has been done when it needs to be. Driving license was done last June because it expired. I also got the address changed on it. It still had my parents, when I bought my flat 3 years ago. Like I said, lazy.

Trixylou...."officially Mrs N"???

No you aren't. You are what you decide to call yourself - remain the same or change. I am not "officially Mrs B" anywhere on this planet!

It's a sad misconception that name changing on marriage is the only acceptable way to go, or that everyone will assume a name change. I've had no problems at all staying as I am.

And from a parent's persepctive, I was slightly disappointed that both my daughters chose to change their names on marriage.

I obviously hit a nerve there didn't I! I obviously used the wrong word. Not official as in legally but traditionally.

Are you double barrelled? Mrs Maiden name? or did you feel that strongly that you wanted to keep your Ms status?

Me: Mum and Dad, I'm not changing my name.

Mum: Good girl.

Dad: *secret smile*

I didn't discuss my decision with anyone.

He he, it wasn't exactly a "discussion" with my parents, and it wasn't anything I intended to even approach but we'd been through the wringer over it with Boy's parents the week before so thought it best to just get it out there.

Personally I can't wait to have my OH name, I've got no ties to my maiden name whatsoever.

I wasn't bothered about changing my name at all. I took my stepdad's name when he and my mum married so have no special connection to my old surname at all.

Absolutely. But only in a friendly way ?

Bear baiting is traditional too. Female circumcison is traditional in some cultures. Doesn't make it right! I do have a problem with the "traditonal" taking over as being "compulsory". It's not. We all have free choice in this and a full and free choice is what we should all make. Not because we (or society) think it's the done thing. or opur H or ILs demand it, or because we can't wait to show the world we are grown up, or whatever reason it is.

It harks back to the days of the wife and all her belongings being the possession of the man and I could never condone that. I don't suppose many who change their name think of it like that, but I think we are way overdue for a change.

I am not double barrelled. I am Ms C, he is Mr B. He no longer has a problem with it!

I love being Mrs G.

To me, a name is just a name. It's the heart that ties me to my family.

? Sorry, that was a little fluffy.

It is really interesting and surprising how many people have kept there maiden name, I really don't have any thoughts either way on it, I just naturally took H surname, I never gave it a lot of thought, I guess I am pretty happy to be Mrs Married Name.

Fair play to you. I don't like any of the possession type nonsense either and refused to say obey in the vows etc but when it comes to the name and title issue, it doesn't sit comfortably either being a Ms if we are married strangely enough. OH actually seemed surprise when I told him I was changing my name. When I asked him why, he said 'well I wouldn't like to change who I am so would never expect you to do that either' bless him.

Ah now I seriously considered the "obey" thing as it has a very different connotation within the boundaries of the church wedding service. (I didn't in the end, but had a fascinating discussion with the Rector (female) about it).

The words within the church service mean that although the woman agrees to obey the man, he will never ask her to do anything that she wouldn't choose for herself, so the obesiance is easy!

But I agree with your lovely H - why ask someone to do something you're not prepared to do yourself?

And my BIL asked "what's the point of getting married then?" but that is becasue he has no imagination and probably no soul!

I'm still my maiden name on my passport as I only got it renewed just before we got engaged (actually it was for the holiday that H propsosed on!) so I still have 7 and a half years on it. I dont think I will keep it for that long though... Bit weird. You will be ok though Cricks as we booked the honeymoon in Mr and Mrs C without realising and as long as we showed marriage cert we were ok.

It does feel a bit sad letting go of my maiden name completely but there is my brother who has also got a son to carry it on. In work I was known as "The _ _ __ _ _ " (maiden name) and some of my old work mates still slip up and call me that now, it doesnt really work with my new one!

One of my old school pals had 5 sisters so her name was never going toi be carried on. She had the girls name Faye as her maiden name so she added that as her middle name by deed poll when she got married and took her husbands surname, which I thought was lovely.

I loved my old name but I didn't consider keeping it, I am quite traditional and was happy to get it changed. I can't say I don't miss it though.

I have yet to do my passport but must do it fast as we are going on hols in May and I booked in my married name.

I promise you I am no less married because I am Ms C.

My head has it straight - it is the rest of society (well, some of it!) that has the issues!!

Other cultures don't do the name changing thing either. Discuss!

I am guessing the name change denotes some sort of ownership? Is that the thought process behind it?

I've changed mine on everything important - I only have my maiden name on a few random bits and bobs I've not bothered to change, like store cards and so on. Conveniently for me, my passport expired a few months before the wedding, so I just waited till after the wedding to renew it and change my name on it at the same time. Though obviously if we'd been going on honeymoon immediately that might have been more of a problem.

I don't feel a particularly strong connection to my old surname. It's a very common one so it's not like the name would "die out" as a result of me changing, plus I have several male cousins with the surname, and if my sister marries her German blokey she may well keep it. It was also the basis for some fairly unpleasant bullying at school, which I would rather move away from. My family are still my family, and I don't love them any less or feel less part of the family than I did when I shared their surname. I can totally understand why others would feel differently though. My feminist thing is that I dislike being addressed as "Mrs" - I don't see why my marital status is of any relevance to random companies etc - so I prefer to be either Dr or Ms.

I am pretty settled with my new name now, and automatically sign my new signature when needed, though that did take several months! It feels odd now looking back at all my old paperwork, uni folders etc that have my old name on them - it's like they're me, but also not me now, IYSWIM? I'm not the only one who feels that either: my sister still uses a nickname which is a diminutive of my old surname (and is still hers!) and the other day when I posted on her FB wall, one of her friends popped up and said "I know it's been over a year, and I was at the wedding, but it's still odd that you have different names!"