Moral dilemma. WWYD please?

No brainer - do nothing. it's nothing to do with you. You've said yourself you don't know them that well and you don't even know for certain it's true.

Keep well, well out of it. You only have speculation and no facts.

An anonymous letter could be misconstrued as part of a malicious 'campaign' as it were.

'Hmm, i can see why you would want to tell her (people gossiping, possibly being cheated on etc) but as you said you don't really know her that well, so tbh i dont think i would say anything. You did mention she knows some of your friends, could you not mention what you've heard to them, and see what they say? Could this other woman perhaps be just "stirring it" or is she not the sort to do that?

I don't think i'd let myself get involved IYSWIM.

It's none of your business. I'd keep well out of it if I were you.

On the other hand, it could be just a vicious rumour and there may not be much truth in it, in which case it could ruin her marriage.

I'd keep out of it, none of my business.

Thanks for the replies. You're right, it is none of my business and my first impulse was to leave well alone. I'm just left with this awful feeling that she's going to be one of those girls whose husband has an affair for years and no-one sticks their head above the parapet to tell her, despite the fact that the whole town knows. If I put myself in her shoes, I would really, really want to know.

I don't think I could tell one of her friends - that would be even worse I think, as I'd only be perpetuating the gossip and leaving the moral dilemma at someone else's feet.

Keep out of it, you have no proof and don't know her well enough. Even if you were to tell her, please don't do it anonymously.

WFS. I can remember when my aunt was accused of having an affair (she wasnt) when they first moved to a different area and had just gotten to know people and somebody wrote a letter to my uncle stating that "people" had seen her leaving various hotels with different men etc, what they didn't realise was that my aunt works in Advertising and was meeting clients etc, needless to say my uncle was hurt deeply by this, which turned out to be nothing more than idle gossip. (Obviously this could not be the case in this situation) I would definetly say nothing.

BTW the person who told me was a man, an acquaintance of the bloke having the affair, and although he is a gossip, he is a lovely bloke and would not say anything if it wasn't true, I don't think.

Another vote for do nothing. It could so easily be not true. My neighbour told my Mum last week that she was so pleased to see me with someone again and obviously happy.....all because she'd seen a mate's car on the drive a few times and us laughing together down the pub. It's amazing how stuff gets twisted.

Steer clear, and I wouldn't mention it to mutual friends either, that is just spreading it further.

I understand wanting her to know, but only IMHO if you were close friends.

HTH

S x

It's none of your business, stay out of it

You don't know these people, or the facts, so surely you do nothing. If it's true that 'everyone' knows then sooner or later she will find out anyway

L
xx

Thanks all. I guess I was just worried that I wanted to do 'nothing' beacause that was easiest, not because that's what's best all round.

I'll do nothing for now. Cheers ?

If "everyone" knows then she quite probably does as well. Staying out of it is a good call. It's sad, but there's nothing to be gained by you forcing the issue.

If 'everyone' knows, then her friends must also know, and if anyone is going to tell her it should be her friends.

Doing it anonymously would be just horrible for her. Can you imagine how you would feel if you were sent an anonymous letter? If you were going to tell her - which I don't think you should do, not for one minute - then it would have to be face to face.

absolutely WSS. i received such a letter when i was a student about the boyfriend i'd left in leeds (although mine was complete with revolting drawings and obviously from a jealous ex or similar) and i was beyond distraught. i had to have counselling from the uni and they wanted me to get the police involved, but i was far too embarressed

anonymous letters are only sent by the lowest of the low, and i'm sure you're not one of those people ?

Absolutely what PL said.

My friend knew her husband had several affairs before she married him. She also knew about several others since. She'd had to have been blind not to have known! It didn't stop her burying her head in the sand and ignoring the affairs for the sake of a peaceful life. What one person accepts from a marriage can be very different for another.

I'd stay well out of it.