More (possible!) drama...just another day in my life! WWYOHD? Advice needed..

OHHH and the other thing I meant to add was that one of the extended friends had a birthday night out last weekend with all of the girls and boys invited and we werent invited!! OH even spoke to his 'close' friend (who I'm let down by/upset with because of this) that same day as we were back in the area that day and nothing was said. We then saw pics etc on FB! And then 'close' friend claimed gf of the extended friend (call him 'K') arranged it and wasnt up to him to invite us!! THAT issue with OH's supposed close friend is another issue - but OH did say to close friend after that, how if he wasnt even getting invited out for Ks bday then why should K be asked on the stag, and close friend claimed it was K's gf who planned it all and didnt think we'd come back as we live away from there now (rubbish, but as u can see another reason why I don't want K's gf in particular there).

Ps Im aware of how childish this all sounds, guess it's the maturity of this group of people and we get sucked into it too!!

It's your husband-to-be's stag, not yours. Let him invite who he wants! I've been on hen dos when I haven't been invited to the wedding - you only presume that you're invited to the wedding if you get an invitation.

I do think that you should re-consider inviting them to your evening do though. They are your future husband's friends and it is his wedding too. What would you do if he put a blanket ban on some of your friends?

And as for all of this "you didn't invite me to that so I'm not going to invite you to this"...seriously?? You're getting married, not starting school.

Personally, I think you're over thinking it hun. It's a known fact the men don't think (full stop) so I cant imagine any of them would presume they are going to the wedding just because they got invited to the stag. And even if they do assume that, I doubt many will be offended when they don't get an invite.

At the end of the day if you don't want them there then you don't have to invite them. There are plenty of reasons to not invite someone to a wedding beyond "I don't like you or your GF" so if they question it just give them some spool about numbers being restricted by the venue or having a budget to maintain etc

In all honesty, lads just want to be lads. And sounds like your OH is wanting to celebrate his stag in a big way. I say let him and deal with whatever fall out there may be afterwards xx

We're having a very small wedding, so the majority of people on OH's stag do will not be invited to the wedding (his choice not to invite them, not mine). I asked OH if they would be offended by that, and he was of the opinion that men just don't think like that, and they're just happy for any excuse to go on a lads' weekend.

I only read the nut shell version.

I have ladies coming to my hen night who aren't coming to the wedding. I don't see any problem in that.

If I was invited to a hen do, I would expect to be invited at least to the evening do of a wedding. However, I think a lot of men get much more excited at the prospect of a stag do than a wedding, so they might well not mind. If your OH thinks they won't mind, then I wouldn't worry.

When anyone at work has a hen do they invite anyone who want s to go along and there are 168 of them (obviously they don't all turn up ) as usually it's a pub crawl. I don't think it would cross anyone's mind that they might be invited to the wedding.

I think blokes think about things like this in a totally different way - my OH has a couple of guys going on his stag that he doesn't want to invite to the wedding, which I did find totally odd, but thats his choice. I really dont think that any bloke is going to be bothered about not attending the wedding. However, if your OH does want them there, you may have to grin and bare it, as someone else as said, it wouldnt be fair for him to put a ban on your friends.

As it is brought up on several threads on here, you don't know what people's budgets/numbers are for a wedding. So I think it's perfectly acceptable to be invited on a hen do, and then only be invited to the evening. This is what my friend is doing for hers, as she is having 30 people to her ceremony, then another 100 or so to the evening. I was chuffed I got an evening invite tbh.

IMO, it's your OH's stag do. If he wants to invite people to it that won't be coming to the wedding then that is down to him. You can just leave it down to him to deal with any comments you might get (though with it being lads, I don't think they'll really care!)

I agree that you are over thinking it. Just because they are invited to the stag, doesn't mean they will expect to be invited to the wedding. To be honest, I doubt they would even mind that they weren't! You have to remember it's your OH's day as well so try take into consideration what he wants too, there were people at our evening reception I have never met/don't like but it really didn't matter as you say a quick hello to them then get on with enjoying your night.

Boys don't care and, in my experience, take any opportunity to go on a stag do.

I've been to hen dos where I've only been invited to the evening - didn't think anything of it.

I also had girls on my hen that were evening guests - they were just excited regardless.

This is true too - you don't have to spend any time with them. If your H wants to invite them to the evening then that's what he should do.

I'm in two minds about this - my initial thought was if you get invited to a stag/hen do then I would expect to get invited to the wedding, but then I think people are right in that guys don't think the same way as girls, and it is likely they wouldn't have even thought about the wedding - more just a lad's weekend boozing/fun etc. And if you don't want them at your wedding don't feel you have to invite them at all! You both have control over that part at least! I wouldn't worry too much about what/if they think anything about not being invited - it's not like you care about them anyway!

I had a massive discussion in the office about this very thing after a guy was moaning that they'd been invited to a stag but only the evening do of his mates wedding. I'd understand if they weren't invited to the whole wedding but the evening is still a part of it IMO. Most blokes wouldn't care either way and would probably enjoy the stag more.

Personally, I'd only invite girls that were coming to the wedding (whatever part) but if I only invited girls on my hen that were coming all day, it'd be me, Mum, 2 BM's and my 96yo Nan!

I think your OH should be able to invite who he wants and I cant see the blokes being bothered, but in not so sure there wont be some bitchy comments from the G.F's, personally im only having invited guests and so is OH but then we are only inviting people we like to the wedding so it was a pretty easy choice, the only exception is OH cousins wife, she has not spoken to us for over a year so although she is invited to the wedding to keep the family waters calm I have refused to invite her to my hen night where as her husband is invited to the stag.

I would let your OH invite who he wants to the stag do. He's a bloke so it's natural that he wants a big boozy boys night out, and it sounds like these extended group of friends are mostly invited to make up numbers and because they have a laugh. None of them should assume they are invited to any part of the wedding. He has already said he wouldn't invite them out for a random drink, so why the hell would you invite them to your wedding?!

People have said to just invite them to the evening and you don't really have to speak to them, but evening numbers usually have a limit too and if you invite a whole extra group of people you may have to increase numbers for the evening food obviously adding to the overall cost, which is daft if you don't even want them there.

My OH can't stand one of my bestest best boy mates, so guess what, he's not invited! It's his wedding too, so why should I force him to have someone there he can't stand. Your situation isn't quite as bad as that because your OH isn't really good friends with them anyway, they're more acquaintances by the sounds of it, and they obviously don't think enough of you and OH when arranging a party, so they can hardly be offended if they don't get an invite to your wedding.

To be honest I think men are different and its just a night out and a chance to have a laugh.

I had people to my hen that weren't invited tot he wedding at all but they understand the number thing, I think you just have to be honest with people.

But as Pinky6 and Kharv said if your OH does invite them to the evening just say hi. My OH has invitied a couple of work mates and there families to our evening and I have never met them.

I'm going to invite some girls on my hen that I won't be able to invite to the wedding cos of restrictions on numbers - but I will explain that to them up front. My thinking was it was probably more rude to not invite them to 2 events than just 1! I'm hoping they'll understand but if they don't they don't have to come to the hen. At least they can see I've been thinking of them and wanted to include them at some point.

My OH is also inviting a few on his stag that aren't on the wedding list (if memory serves rightly!).

I don't think it's rude to invite to stag and not wedding - as long as it's made clear when the invite to the stag is made so they're not disappointed further down the line (of course the difference is we both like the people concerned!)

For my both my Hen night and my OH's stag do we are inviting all of those going to at least the evening do of the wedding. Going to someones hen/stag tends to cost a lot of money now a days and we felt that it wouldn't be nice for people to be part of the build up/excitement of the wedding and then to have no part of it otherwise.

However like others have said, Men tend to think very differently to us so probably wouldn't think of this in the same way.

Rach xx

I don't have a huge amount of reference so don't have loads of advice, but just my experience.

I went on a hen night recently and there was at least one woman there who was only invited to the evening. I believe there were also one or two guys on the stag do (same wedding) who also only came to the evening.

As far as I knew none of them really minded and I think you're right - men are a lot less likely to care.

Don't worry or think into it too much

Oh I thought I replied to this earlier but the message must not have sent from my phone, damit!!

Just basically saying thank you for all your replies everyone. I think I'm going to hope for the best of what the majority of people have said, that men are usually different about these things and so the men are less likely to be bothered about not being invited to the wedding and just view it as a p*ss up! Don't really see them often anyway so doubt anything would come of it and could just say the budget/space constraints if anyone had a problem.

Thank you again for all the support/advice ladies!

Just quickly.

If you OH did invite them I'm sure you would barely notice them anyway - You be far too busy being the most fantastic person in the room.

Ooooh or you could spit in their drinks - I'm a Scorpio, I think this way ha ha.

Good luck.

x

Hi

I think let him invite who he want's it's his do. I have been invited to the hen but not the wedding and gone. I'm sure if they think it's out of order they won't go.

I was invited to one hen but not the wedding, I chose not to go, only because we weren't that close (I was a friend of the friend) and it was costing over £350.00 and it was money I could do without spending if it wasn't for someone I was close with. I wasn't offended and neither was the bride when I declined.

People can make up their own minds and your H2B will just have to say no room in the evening for them to all come and he couldn't possibly chose between them