oh really not interested - need to vent

His disinterest in it is probably due to the fact he's still grumpy from getting told what he can and cant do by you and his mum...maybe he really doesn't want to wear one, it doesnt mean he's not interested in the wedding!

It's not essential to have rings, particularly guys aren't that bothered, he's quite right about that, however if it's important to you then he should show some interest and be prepared to go along with you.

He doesn't have to have a big expensive one, mine was about £30 for a plain band that does the job - so it's not necessarily the cost that's an issue. Does he work in a job where wearing a ring is a problem?

It's not the value or the style of the rings that is important but what they signify both to each other and to the wider world, so I would say you probably were quite right to be a little upset about it. Try broaching the subject again in a couple of days, or when you happen to be out together just drag him into a jewelery shop and have a look.

As he has now accepted he is having one, he does at least need to get it sized properly for his finger even if he doesn't get particularly excited about the whole ring shopping experience.

Ahhhh yeah i understand what you are saying the "to ring or not to ring" situation probs sounds harsher than it actually was ... believe me if OH really objected to wearing one he wouldn't be - i just pointed out that he expected me to wear one and he agreed. Plus the fact he isn't one to sulk about things .... I suppose I was just looking forward to a nice coupley romantic day out together (which we don't get very often having a six month old baby) and that doesnt look like it is going to happen ....

My OH was happy to wear one, but he didnt want anything fancy he just wanted a lightweight plain band, in white gold to match mine. We got one he's quite happy with quite easily.

tell him you really want him to come cos you'd hate to pick something for him especially if he didnt like it.

He has his own business so wearing a ring at work isn't a problem and I don't even think its a cost issue ... I don't quite know what it is although I know he love winding me up .. The thing is I don't want to sound like a nag or be on his case but it has hurt my feelings a little bit - but I don't think he will realise that. I think you're right AJ I shall broach the subject again in a few days and see what he says .. or maybe this afternoon if Stoke win (ahem) and he is in a good mood lol xxx

Perhaps suggest it with the addition of going out afterwards (meal/cinema/drink/etc if you can get the childcare)

Yes I think I need to pick my words carefully .... i think its because I used to dreaded S word .... shopping

xxx

I had a similar-type of rant and came on here to vent. After reading the many replies I think I have started to accept that boys and girls are VERY different! I completely understand why you're so upset as I'm still a bit cross at my OH's lack of interest in anything wedding-related apart from the stag do! Why don't you just go out for the day and not make it a "ring-shopping" day, but have it somewhere near some shops so you can pop and have a quick look. I get the feeling with my OH that some things that are wedding-related just overwhelm him so he shuts down. Either that or he genuinely doesn't give a crap, which I'm trying not to believe at the mo!!!

Good luck!!!

Haha I've just reread my post and it seems like I'm suggesting tricking your OH deviously!! Which I guess in some ways I am!!!

My OH is not an accessory he is my best friend, love of my life, father of my child.

Perhaps I should have gone into more detail re: original wedding ring saga .... it certainly did not go - i don't want to wear a wedding ring - yes you are and your mum says so too - end of story ....

I just laughed while typing this at the thought of my OH ever accepting this.

Perhaps I should have worded it more carefully of course we discussed wearing a ring and the reasons. If there was some reason why he didn't want to wear a ring I would understand but he has not put forward any such reservations and he has now agreed to wear a wedding ring .... i will not be holding a gun to his head. The reason I was upset is that my OH wants to take a back seat in the planning of the wedding which I don't mind but I would have liked to have spent one day together choosing our wedding rings which is a very important part of the day to me. The symbolism is important to me and I would very much like him to accept a ring for me as a sign of our marriage and a reminder of my love for him ....

But at the end of the day, a ring is, as the words of the ceremony say, "a token". If it's £30 from Argos its meaning is the same as a £2000 custom made one.

I completely agree AJ I do not want to spend a fortune on either rings .. The cost is not important to me at all. We are trying to keep to a tight budget anyway since our son came along we have completely different priorities. xx

Maybe he's fed up with hearing about weddings and wants his future wife back.

Happens a lot.

Cost is not an issue although we haven't got a huge budget he is a self assured confident man I don't think it is freaking him out ... I think he doesn't like shopping. I do think about things from my OH's perspective all the time I am not a selfish person, I want him to be happy. He wants me to be happy.

I think I will talk to him again about it ask him if it is a deal breaker which I don't think it is.

Here was me just thinking it would be a nice day out for the pair of us. ho hum

xxxx

Most of us guys don't. We shop because we have to, not because we want to. We go shoe shopping we go to our usual shop, pick a pair of black lace ups size 11 because that's what we take, pay for them and go; you might go round a dozen shops trying on 50 different pairs to get the right ones to match what you've just bought in another shop.

It's just the way things are.

Could you have a joint online ring shopping session to ease him in a little bit before hitting the shops? Would give both of you an idea of what kinds of rings you would like - And you never know, he might find one that he likes too! Also gives you both an opportunity to really discuss the rings and things, but without the pressure of sales people being there (I hated going in to jewellers for this very reason!).

My OH doesn't like shopping so we got smooch round. They were fantastic and my OH really enjoyed picking his ring. It was really hard not to make suggestions to him but the decision he made was one of the most important things and I wanted him to be really happy.

He picked a beauty and went slightly over budget! ?

Missrae, that's what my OH is like. He does care about the cake though, and said it had to have chocolate in it!

But for the pretty decoration bits, he says he doesn't mind. Obviously he wants it to look nice, and approves of the general style and colours, but he knows that I wouldn't exactly make it look horrible so has left it to me. He says I'm "better at that sort of thing" ?

I'm with the OP on this issue actually. I can understand you're all saying "poor Men, they hate shopping and don't care about the details" Well yeah that's true but this is his wedding ring. The OP has explained that her OH has now decided in favour of having one. This symbolism of the ring is important in every wedding ceremony and he will be wearing it every single day for the rest of his life, it is very important (I think) that he choses it himself! It's about time he stands up and does the job he began when he proposed to the OP! A wedding is about two people and his part does not end with the proposal!!

That's why I'm suggesting having Smooch (or similar) round. Good experience and means that her OH will choose it in the comfort of his living room. He might go for that idea better?

I think that's a v good suggestion ?

Im not giving him hell? I haven't said anything ... and by that I don't mean I have given him the silent treatment.

I think this is a very good idea ... thank you

Blossom, I don't envy you! I could see the other posters' points if we were talking about the cake, or the invitations, or colour scheme, even if it were the colour of his waitcoat. But the ring? HE has to wear it every day for the rest of his life, so surely he should show some interest. Can you at least get him to have an opinion on width and metal, if he just wants a plain band?

If I were in your position, my wedding wouldnt' happen! My OH is pretty much organising it, with input from me. I'm taking care of the little things like flowers and dresses, but today he even asked if I thought it would be a good idea to have haybale seating in the courtyard of our barn (I don't, it's a silly idea given the location, but at least he HAD an idea and therefore I just said it was up to him). He also browses my wedding magazines when he's bored, and often has an opinion of things inside.

If nothing else, I think the men should choose or have input on a) their ring, b) their outfit, c) the marriage service wording, d) the ushers and best man, e) their transport to the venue, if applicable.

Actually, no he doesn't. A lot of guys have a ring on the day but don't wear it to work, because of their job - or don't actually wear it after the day. Having a ring doesn't make you "more married" than someone who doesn't, any more than an expensive ring makes you "more married" than a cheap one.

Being married and wearing a ring is not a legal requirement, so it's actually entirely up to him whether he does wear a ring daily or not. Just because he doesn't wear it doesn't make it, or the sentiments behind it, of any less value whatsoever. It's just a preference.

I probably will wear my ring most days but when I'm doing painting, or gardening, or partaking in any of my hobbies that may involve tools or anything that risks scratching it - or the washing up, for that matter - I'll be taking it off.

I don't need a "visual reminder" to remind me I'm married, I know inside. I also don't need a "visual deterrent" to let other women know I'm not available either - I won't be giving any indications that I'm interested in them in the first place.

I know what you're saying here, but I DO think wearing a ring is important as I see it as a public symbol of our commitment. That is certainly not to say that any man who doesn't want to wear one is not committed or is thinking about cheating, but to me it means a lot that my partner wears a ring and is actually a part of being married.

Again, only my opinion, but for this reason I can see why the OP is surprised that her partner doesn't seem very interested in the idea of ring shopping (obviously previous arguments re wearing one aside, assuming now that he DOES want to wear one).

It's not about that, AJ. Your wedding ring is symbolic yes and it doesn't make you more or less married blah blah blah but if you're going to have one then you might as well wear it! I'm exactly the same about my engagement ring, I take it off when I decorate or go swimming or washing up and I left it at home when I went camping as I didn't want to go swimming with it on and would never leave it in the tent. This obviously made no difference. However if you're going to bother doing an exchange of rings then I don't see any reason not to wear it daily.