reactions to intimate wedding

I went to my best friends wedding in December 2011 and it was intimate - 32 people including the bridal party etc. it was lovely! It's what I want. Unfortunately my family alone numbers over 35 so it's a no go but it's my favourite wedding I've been to :-) guess I'm a bit like you tho I've never dreamed of the huge wedding etc.

Happy planning!

My brother got married in the US at reasonably short notice so very few people were able to travel from our family, so there was just under 40 people and many left after the meal. It was the best wedding I've ever been to and I really wish I had done the same. Everybody there mingled properly and we got to know my SIL's family so much more than had it been a big wedding!

I'm slightly envious ;-)

I went to my cousin's intimate wedding and there were 12 of us on a mountain top overlooking endless blue oceans in Bali, was pretty epic tbh!

Marianne that sounds awesome!

Yes it will be nice that everyone can really get to talk to each other. Am hoping it will be a quite chilled out day!

We are having a small intimate wedding too, there will be 32 of us including OH and I. We are inviting close family and best friends + partners only. I've never been one for big social gatherings and definitely not comfortable with being the centre of attention so intimate was always the way to go. I like big weddings on other people but I wouldn't enjoy it at all if it was me standing up there. My mum and best friends completely understand this and have said positive things, they know it's "me". OH's mum was very negative at first and completely poopoo'd the whole thing, seemed more pissed off that she couldn't invite everyone she ever met in her life and wanted a detailed explanation of every person we had decided to invite... I think she's coming around to it, or at least learned to keep it to herself if she's not! People at work have called me a miserable boring sod because I'm not having a big do and inviting everyone to get pissed at my expense, even though they know from 4 years of Christmas parties etc that that is not my scene at all! It's the one day you have full permission to do what you want and not what people expect, so do that!

Mooshy ours is exactly the same, immediate family and my best friend, her husband and children. There is also the whole snowball thing too isn't there of if you invite so and so then you have to invite others.

Like you i enjoy other peoples big weddings but for me just don't want that. Also i am the worlds worst at planning! It would probably be awful if we had a big one haha

We're having 28 guests (although two of them will be six months old, so hardly count) at our wedding. People seem to be reacting pretty well to it, along the lines of "how lovely that you'll get to talk to all your guests properly", but we have had a few side-eyes from people about how small it is. Add in that we're not wearing "wedding" dresses, not having bridesmaids, etc, and people start feeling sorry for us not having a "real" wedding.

The thing is, we both come from giant families, and having a "proper" wedding would have gotten out of control far too quickly. When we started making a guest list, it was approaching 500 people between family, friends, colleagues, etc- trying to pay for that would have given us debt to rival a developing nation's. So we're having our immediate families, and 2 friends each. Our guest list is composed of the main people in our lives; the people we love the most in the world. It's given us so much freedom over the day- anyone who wants to propose a toast and say a few words is welcome to, rather than set people making speeches. We want all our guests in our professional photos, and not just in those "all the guests" shots outside the venue, we'll be able to joke and laugh and talk with everyone as we all sit at a big table together for dinner. I think- I hope- that it's going to really feel like two families becoming one, which is exactly what we want.

So people can feel sorry for me all they like. I can't wait.

Ive just been to one over the weekend. 12 immediate family members. At first I thought it strange. But couldbt have enjoyed it more, half of me wishes we was doing that now. Dont worry what others think do what's right for you

Hi. I'm not worried what others think, i have just found some reactions interesting that's all.

Wedding should 100% be about what makes the couple happy.

I've found people have opinions on most wedding related stuff whether unusual or not lol

In all honestly I am still amazed at people reactions to ANYTHING wedding related!! It is great to be able to make decisions as a couple and not having to consider other people...probably the way married life should really start! Your wedding sounds just gorgeous!

As you can see from the name of my wedding planning business, I deal with small, intimate weddings a lot, and I also find the reactions of people very interesting. There will be those who aren't invited who may be offended, those who are who will be truly delighted because it means so much to them, and then those who are a little more removed who have certain expectations of a wedding and will have an array of reactions.

I would suggest that you try to include your reasons for having an intimate wedding when you tell people about it so that people can pick up on clues about how to react. If you talk about it positively then more people will be happy that you're having the day you want. That is of course assuming that you don't want to see these rather 'interesting' reactions ?.

On a more personal note, my own wedding was an intimate one, with 40 guests. A lot of people didn't know how to respond when we told them that, but the day itself was everything we could've wished for. The guests all got to know each other and had a lot of fun together, and we actually got to talk to all of the people we love and really share our day with them, rather than just having hundreds of people in a room with us!

Good luck with the planning!!

We're having 48 guests; again having the reception at our favourite restaurant, like you. No-one batted an eyelid to be honest!

When we told people we were eloping, just the two of us, the vast majority were envious, and wished they had done the same / said that's how they would do it if they got married. The minority with an alternative opinion were of the mind "oh, I couldn't get married without X there". In these cases, X was their Mum, brother, best friend etc. Not one person voiced a preference for ALL family and ALL friends to be present, with a guest list of 200.

Small weddings are nice, in my cabbage, and whilst they sort of rule out huge castle/stately home venues, they also mean some very quirky funky venues become possible, as well as making the cheap, cosy option of church + restaurant reception an idea. As a guest, I don't like it when I don't even get to speak to the bride and groom due to them prioritising their closer friends and their family (naturally).

We're having an intimate wedding too. From the very start my OH said he didn't want the big after party that people have. I initially thought "Oh no - what will my aunties, uncles, cousins and friends think about not being invited"! Then I realised it didn't matter what other people thought

There will be just 21 of us at the wedding then 18 of us after. We just have 2 grandparents, parents, siblings and nieces and nephews, plus one best friend. Some people don't understand it though - like you we've had funny comments. Plus when 3 dropped out my FMIL said "seeing as there are more spaces can her daughters boyfriend come now?" I said no - they've only been together a few weeks, we've never met him (I don't even know his name!!) so why would I want him at our wedding. It's not about numbers - it's about who we want there. I didn't even invite my best friends husband.

I'm looking forward to it though. We're riding a steam train, getting married at a train station, riding the steam train back and then cruising up a river on a boat If we'd gone for a big wedding then we'd never have done that and as long as my family are there, it will be perfect.

We've gone for an intimate wedding too - approx 25 including us.

We've got a gorgeous manor house all to ourselves including the hotel rooms for our guests to stay over, we hope to have a lovely chilled out day plus it's also Michelin starred so lots of delicious food to spoil us/our guests with.

We've had pretty positive responses so far, a lot of people seem to wish they'd done that too. It's so very us though that I may have just stampeded any negative reactions with my sheer excitement about it.

Not everbody likes to be the centre of attention. A friend of a friend has just announced she is getting married in September, her children are her bridesmaids, my friend is her MOH, she is having a very small gathering of around 12 people I think and then they are off to a pub for a meal afterwards.

The bride to be is extremely shy and likes to fade into the background so this suits her down to the ground and will mean a lot more to her.

Your wedding day sounds just as perfect. Have fun

We are having an intimate wedding of 40. Only acquaintances have really expressed an opinion on that. Some have been almost pitying as if we couldn't afford something bigger. I think you just have to ignore these people. Close friends and family will understand why you've chosen a more intimate wedding and it doesn't matter what the others think! I've found those that are invited feel extra special. I don't want to be surrounded by strangers and distant relatives at my wedding. I really don't see the point in that at all. I think my grandparents won't be best pleased when they find out all my aunts and uncles and cousins aren't invited, but the invites haven't gone out yet, so I have a bit of time to prepare for that reaction. After all, it's our wedding not theirs!

We are getting married in august with 16 including us and that's gone up from 10 due to my mother having a hissy fit over people who weren't invited. To be honest I'm not fond of being the centre of attention s it will suit me, although I do admit to thinking maybe I should keep some of the new guests and loose Mum occasionally.

Some people do look a little like they feel sorry for me but frankly I think its our wedding so we should do what we like (mother permitting of course ? )

We are having an intimate wedding of 32 people including us for the ceremony (increasing to 50 for the evening). 5 of which makes up just my siblings!!! We never wanted a huge wedding, I think it is so much nicer just having people there who actually care about you rather than having people there who just want a day off work and a free meal.

Also makes it easier for YOU to enjoy your day, instead of having to speak to 100 different people. I will manage much better with just 30 to deal with!!

It's lovely to see there are lots of others happy to have a small wedding too. Kids take up quite a chunk of our guests, 7 of our 25 are kids.

Is she being a motherofthebridezilla then Lisel? haha

I'm having intimate wedding with 25 of my nearest and dearest. Not had any negative comments about it, not that I would care as its what OH and I want and that's all that is important.

We're keeping it small too. There should be about 28 of us during the day going up to around 50 on the evening - just what we wanted.

Because we're keeping it small, we're not going for exclusive use which means that we can't have a DJ or band in the evening ☹️ This is the only thing we've had a slightly negative comment about really and I can understand that (I like a good dance too and am worried that the iPod might be a bit quiet!). But even without the loud music, I'm planning on having a great day and evening and I'm sure that you and all your guests will too!

That's the only thing for us too, no exclusive use, so no band. We might even head off to a local pub to see if bands are on ?

I got married in a Registry Office with my mum and brother, H's mum, dad and great gran and my best friend. It was lovely. We went to a local vintage inn for our meal, we went there on nights out before so it was nice to go back. We just had my mum, brother and H's mum and dad and then we had a big party for 65ish at night.

We upset H's family by doing it this way. They are quite particular and all wanted a certain thing. They were really not happy when we decided this and it took a lot of sticking to our original plan and keeping our heads down and getting on with it.

We had a lovely day and i dont regret a thing. We're both very pleased we didnt let others dictate how our day should be.

About sixty of us altogether, haven't broken it down into daytime and evening yet. People know we're both wilfully antisocial so a small wedding won't be the least surprise to anyone!

I imagine people who say things like 'oh well I'm sure it will still be lovely' have probably assumed that you have had to have a small wedding due to budget restrictions and are probably trying to be nice about it, rather than realising that some people actively want to have an intimate 'do' through choice. As with so many other things we discuss on here, sometimes people mean well but say the wrong thing and because we are all so excited about our plans, it can seem like people are being more negative than they meant it to be.

I wonder if sometimes the responses you ladies are getting are not necessarily people feeling sorry for your or being deliberately condescending, but people (badly) trying to cover up their disappointment that they've just realised they won't be invited?

I went to a wedding last year and incl the bridal party there was only 35 and I loved the whole day, no disco but an ipod shuffle and everyone sat around the fire in the evening etc- it was one of the best wedding's I have been to.. we also wanted a small intimate wedding and get wed in nyc but oh got seriously ill and therefore that plan went thru the window.

Ours is "small" at around 50 guests, some of them being kids and people have commented on it being small which doesnt bother me. I would have quite liked to get our guest list down to 25 as it would mean we could have gone with a smaller venue but it was impossible as we each had a list of people we definitely wanted to come and by the time you add on your immediate family your guest list starts creeping up!

I dont really understand why anything gets a negative reaction unless someone said they were slaughtering kittens at their wedding. Even if I dont like something somebody else is doing I dont offer a negative opinion as it just seems rude. If it is a close friend and they want an honest opinion then I will give it but anybody else I keep my mouth shut and smile.