Relationship 'Help'

I agree with you. I think it's patronising.

God knows my H and I have our ups and downs, we're different people, after all, but we have the same long term views.

We didn't have a religious wedding but a civil one as we have different religious backgrounds and a religious one would have made things very much more complicated and neither of us have a particularly religious outlook, (although my H more than me but that's because of his wartime experiences but I didn't want a religious wedding.)

I would have found this 'instruction' particularly patronising. I can't think what they were trying to get across.

Sounds sensible to me.
So are we saying that all instruction is patronising? I'm not sure, but its a fine line to be sure.

quote:Originally posted by Eric
Sounds sensible to me.
So are we saying that all instruction is patronising? I'm not sure, but its a fine line to be sure.

My H and I went to a marriage preparation course before we were married. This was done through the church we already attended, was optional, had a Christian under current, but wasn't overly so, and I felt that non christian couples wouldn't have a problem with it. And there were no woody toys involved!
I didn't feel it was patronizing. It brought up some valid points for H and I, we've been married 4 months, finished the course last June, and we've been putting what we've learnt into practice since then.

I don't doubt that we will hit difficult times in our marriage, but I do believe that we are better equipped to deal with them. We had been together for 5 years, living together for nearly 4 years, (We weren't christians when we started living together) so I was quite sure that the course wouldn't be that beneficial to us, but I was wrong.
So no, I don't think all instruction is patronizing and unhelpful.

We had a day long marriage preparation class before our wedding - an obligation to be married in the church.

No daft toys, and actually we found it very helpful. Discussing major themes that will come up in marriage - money, communication, sex, conflict resolution. There were 7 in total - can't remember the others off the top of head.

It really improved our communication as a couple and part of the pre-course preparation made us examine our parents' marriage and what attitudes we've brought from those to our relationship - very eye opening in our case.

if done well I think it's very beneficial.

Alison, that sounds very similar to what we did! Though we did it over a period of a few weeks, so one section a week.

Alison76's experience is more like what I've heard of with this type of class. The one couple I know who have done something like that have really found it helpful.

Your sister's experience? Not so fantastic.

The vicar recommended we take marriage guidance classes, but didn't force us to.

What he said in his sermon was lovely though.

4 things to say to make a marriage work.

I am wrong.
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.

They all involve the words "I" or "me". So start with looking at yourself and your own actions before getting into an argument and pointing the finger and accusing a "you" of having done something.

I can say that if both of you do it, it actually works. This is, of course, is only in my limited 9 months of experience with marriage. ?

It does sound like a load of patronising claptrap though.

We had to attend a marriage preparation course before our Priest would sign the relavent papers to enable us to get married. The course had booked out almost a year in advance and in the end we found a place 100 miles away who fitted us in. Our Diocese of the Catholic Church was absolutely adamant we needed to do it, or cancel our wedding. So, off we went, to a school hall, with 20 other couples, for one day of well intentioned nonsense. None of the facilitiators were trained in anything remotely related to the course - they were unable to present effectively, or even stick to the one day syllabus. The course was designed to develop conflict management skills and communication, but it failed. There were quizzes which could have been lifted from Cosmo magazine, and exercises which were so embarassing that the room sat in appalled silence. And not once was religion, any religion, mentioned.
When we got our much coverted certificate, we went back to our Priest to complain about the course but I very much doubt anything has changed. It was utterly pointless - and a real opportunity to discuss and develop ways to negotiate the rocks which are found along the way of any marriage, was missed.

We had 3 meetings with the Canon who married us. We talked about or expectations of marriage, whether we had the same outlook regarding children, etc. One thing we had to do which was actually hard, was give 5 reasons why we loved each other.

As well as that, we discussed the prayers and readings (I wrote the prayers of Intercession) and the hymns we wanted.

He was excellent. Even confirmed Atheists thought his sermon was brilliant.

We were married in a church. We choose to go on a marriage course ran by our local church and friendly minister and his wife. It was a 12 week course we went one night a week. We discussed all topics including children, contraception, inlaws, money, employment.

It was helpful as we were young and it helped us to discuss things that we hadn't even thought about. I think we were the youngest couple to do the course (I was 19 my OH was 20)

We even now look at ways on improving our marriage and go on courses and read various books to help us.

Our marriage course, did help us. But your sisters course sounds a load of rubbish and I thinking I would have laughed also ?.