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Beginner August 2006

Relying vs Trusting AIBU?

Xarra, 6 September, 2008 at 18:45 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 7

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Just a quick AIBU...

Is it unreasonable to feel unable to trust MrX if he proves to be unreliable at doing something?

I view being able to rely on someone to do something as being able to trust them to do something, and I feel a little betrayed if it doesn't get done... MrX views relying and trusting as 2 different things... He says they're different but related - I say that if I can't rely on someone to do something I've asked them to do (because they've forgotten/don't remember being asked/assumed I was doing it even though I asked them to) then how can I trust them...

And, it really gets my goat when people ignore the fact I've asked them to do it and thought I meant I'd do it... Sigh... Or are men just inherently unreliable creatures and it doesn't mean they're not trustworthy?

MrX also will never trust my memories over his own... Grrr... He says he'll trust them exactly as much... Even though if he remember something & I don't, I'll say 'Sorry, must've forgotten' - if I remember something that he doesn't, he'll just say that it's equally possible that he's right or I'm right and he might have forgotten, but he doesn't think he has so he won't say sorry...

Argh...

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7 replies

Latest activity by Saphira, 7 September, 2008 at 20:24

Beginner January 2007
Roobarb · 6 September, 2008 at 20:54
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Sorry Xarra, I've read your post 3 times now and have NO idea what on earth you are on about!
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Beginner
Angel1982 · 6 September, 2008 at 21:04
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I dont geddit
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Beginner July 2008
R-A · 6 September, 2008 at 21:11
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I kinda get what you're on about - but at the end of the day it's just semantics isn't it?

I think it's a bit harsh to say you don't trust your OH when what you actually mean is you can't rely on him to do things.

I'm intriuged as to why he should treat your memories more seriously than his?
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Beginner June 2007
Luthien · 7 September, 2008 at 11:25
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It sounds to me as though you've got your knickers in a twist and have over thought whatever has happened until you have made some strange, and much bigger, argument to justify just how frustrated you are and you now can't get away from it.

Is it really that big a deal? If whatever it was was so important, could you not have done it yourself?
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lucylu · 7 September, 2008 at 13:26
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I'm not sure I fully get most of your post either TBH. Sorry.

But the bit at the end. If your DH thinks he remembers something a certain way why should he have to say sorry to you. I agree with him. Who says that you are right and he is wrong? I agree with him entirely when he says either of you could be right. And I'm not sure exactly what the problem is unless you need to be right?

If you are asking if reliability equals trustworthiness (which it sounds like but I'm not sure) then I'd say it doesn't. If for example I ask my OH to put the bins out today it's 50/50 whether it will get done or not. So I can't really rely on him to do something when I've asked him to do it. And he would say that if he tells me we need to leave the house at 7pm for example he can't always rely on me to be ready on time. But I think we can both trust each other in that we trust that neither would cheat on each other or steal from each other (or anyone!) or deliberately hurt each other or anything like that. Does that answer your question or have I totally not got it?
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Old Nick Esq. · 7 September, 2008 at 13:31
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It's simple. He's a man. Ergo he is correct.

Which, on one level is a glib sexist statement, and on another...well.
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whitetiger · 7 September, 2008 at 20:16
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Good bloody question I was about to say they are different things but cant define why that is. Its down to a feeling though surely. I rely on someone to be there or do something but I trust my H not to cheat? You dont rely on them not to cheat do you?

Interesting very philosophical question.....
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Beginner August 2006
Saphira · 7 September, 2008 at 20:24
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Exactly what lucylu said about reliability especially if it involves emptying bins, putting the dishwasher on or being punctual.
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