Sacked Chief Bridemaid

Oh dear! I didn't sack mine, but she was a bit of a nightmare - she asked me if she could wear her own clothes, rather than a bridesmaid dress! I asked her if she didn't want to do it, but she said she still wanted to be my CBM, just didn't want to wear the dress!! Hmmm!

I did have to lose a bridesmaid. I asked her when we got engaged but over time we had grown apart and she had moved away. When trying to organise dress shopping for her she cancelled a couple of times because she wanted to go out instead. I eventually just said it was because of distance and that I'd rather she didn't have the added stress of a bridesmaid but enjoyed the day as a guest. She was fine at the time but getting closer to the day there have been a few digs about it.

As long as you're glad that you did it thats all that matters. Hopefully she'll understand.

I know there have been similar discussions recently about problem bridemaids on here and good for you for going through with it. I agree you dont need it.

But it is only fair that she is wrapped up in her own wedding, aren't we all? (I know I am?)

no but my bridesmaid just sacked me, 7 weeks before the wedding she is now saying she is not coming at all, nice, she's also my little sister

i've found that the most stressful thing with WP has been bridesmaids, they disagree have opinions on everything and are quite stressful at times so i dont really blame you for sacking her!! how did she take the news?

Without details about what she's done, I'm not sure what you expect us to say. Esp as you're a new member and haven't built up any background info.

It's not surprising that she's caught up in her own wedding, even if it is next year, as there's so much to do. Depending on when yours is i.e. if it's after hers then I think you're being harsh. However if it's really soon and she's really upset you then you've probably made the right decision as no bride needs complications, stress or disagreement close to their day. If it the former, maybe reconsider as my CBM (my sister) was invaluable arranging my hen do and on the day.

Maybe am being abit harsh about her being wrapped up in her own wedding but if i were her i would do everything i could to be there!

There was many things she did like huffying my work collegues about my hen do and these collegues are coming to the wedding but because of my bridesmaid attuide they may not be coming anymore

Plus saying that she ould not be able to make appointments and rehersals and there's plenty more things!

It was an afwul thing to do she has not took the news well at all but up to now she is still coming to the wedding just hope there is not a seen!

How dare her be wrapped up in her own wedding

I often wonder if people sit and think about who could be their bridesmaid or do they choose the first person that comes into their heads?

I chose my best friend because she has always supported me in whatever i've done and I love her so much, I also chose my sister for the same reasons.

My best friend has just given birth so couldnt go dress shopping before now, lives in belfast, doesnt have my wedding as her 1st priority

My sister also lives in belfast, announced her pregnancy today and also doesnt have my wedding as her 1st priority.

Which one should I sack? both?

None would be my answer, they were chosen because of who they were and what they have done for me in the past. It might be a nightmare organising dresses and especially my sisters, they might not have my wedding as their first priority but as a reasonable person, I understand this and to be honest, wouldnt want my wedding to be the main focus of their year! that would be sad lol

I want them to turn up on the day and enjoy themselves, I dont care that they cant choose my knickers or accompany me to countless brides fairs. I chose them because they mean the world to me and I want them standing beside me as I marry the man I love.

I cant believe so many brides expect so much from their bridesmaids

i get married the 2nd of august this year so i think it's the right decison

I know I didn't when I first got engaged. It was assumed (not necessarily by me) that my sister would be CBM as I did it for her and we were quite close at the time (4 years ago now!). And now, TBH, she a bit of a dumba$$, she has moved to the other end of the country and I barely speak to her! I haven't exactly "sacked" her although I think she realises she's not a bridesmaid anymore.

Anyway, I'm very glad as I wouldn't have the CBM I have now (I lover her, she is wonderful!!)

I really don't understand why so many people have rows like this with their bridesmaids. Why do people expect their bridesmaids to run after them so much - and that being a bridesmaid is some sort of honour?

I haven't expected a single thing from my bridesmaids - they both came with me shopping seperately - both looked at the dress the other liked. I let them pick between them which one to get. They tried on shoes seperately - and I have bought their jewellry without any input from them really! I am organising my own hen night. Why is it so important to some people that bridesmaids should be so involved in planning YOUR wedding? In fact I think I would feel uncomfortable asking my friends to run around after me and do things that I could so easily do myself!

It is an honour that my bridesmaids have agreed to stand up beside me as I get married - not the other way round!

All this sacking someone because she's has her own life and can't make it at the same time as others for shopping or fittings just seems totally bizarre. And are you really serious about her being 'too wrapped up in her own wedding'? Were you not excited about yours when it was still a year to go?

Oh dear - sound a nightmare. Can't have been easy but if you are sure you have made the right decision and she is more a nightmare then a help to you on your big day then good for you ? how did she take it?

I have been sacked from a similar post only 2 weeks ago...have to say, am still pretty unclear as to why as this all happened on her nightmare hen weekend away. Apparently I isolated myself from her other friends ( I am married with 2 kids all others are a good few years younger than me and none with husbands or families) - this is untrue, I was blanked by a majority of them for the weekend - the accommodation was a nightmare (no electrics, broken toilet, TV, toaster, oven and a resident mouse) I took her mums advise (she was there staying in hotel) to go to a hotel for the final night so I did - tried to talk to hen who doesn't really do talking was then blanked for the rest and left out - oh well. Left to get cabs on my own, to eat dinner on my own in the appartment (when I went back to join them after just dumping bag at hotel) Then sacked (after being blanked for over 24 hours she spoke to me when alone and everyne else gone!) all very dramatic and childish. Have to say feel quite relieved about the whole thing! Still haven't spoken which is a shame...sorry this turned it a bit of a vent...

Good luck with your wedding. I'm sure you have some great friends who can help out with the final details and also ones which aren't planning their own wedding! x

I agree with summer solstice and others. My bridesmaids can have as much or as little involvement as they wish - I think there would be nothing worse than them feeling obliged to constantly be involved in wedding plans - I'll obviously need them to have an input for their dresses, but that's literally it. My CBM wants to organise my whole hen weekend, and that's great - I really appreciate it, but at the same time I realise she has her own life so if she didn't want to organise it it wouldn't bother me at all. I think it would have to be a very serious issue for me to 'sack' any of my bridesmaids, after all - it was mine and H2B's decision to get married and choose who we want in our wedding party. I just don't see how they are supposed to help us plan things just because we chose them! Especially if they have their own weddings to plan, as in the OP's case!

But if you say she's really upset you then it must be more serious?

Hi fairly new on here but thought id try to give a different side ! im getting married next yr - ages away i know !! and am really excited but its my friends wedding in a couple of weeks and im BM - it is hard to focus on another wedding when you have ur own always in the back of your mind - ive had to really try not to go on about my wedding and ideas and have decided not to do anything much ( esp that involves her until shes backoff honeymoon for a few weeks)

I think at the end of the day tho - you have to go with your gut feeling tho if its not right and i guess there may be other issues too ?? - but remember every girl is always going to have her own wedding in her mind !! hope that helps

xxx