Second bump in the road - 7 weeks to go and they all come at me now?!

I completely understand why you are so upset.

One good thing is wedding planners are amazing at their jobs and will get an exact rundown of how you want things. How about still getting together the night before with the girls but for a dvd night?

Thank you.

That is going to be my only option now. I am so disappointed because no one will every get it exactly how you see it in your head so I feel like I am settling for second best now.

The reception venue have been so frustratingly nonchalant about it, like its totally dispensable.

Thank you for you comment x

I had this and I was gutted. I had to leave it to my husband and the caterering staff the night before. The worst thing was not seeing it all set up, as due to various reasons I couldnt see the room before everyone went in to sit. However, it did not bother me in the slightest ont he day and it all looked good!

I bagged everything up per table, and I drew a diagram per table and went through it in detail with the people doing it. You could set it up at home and take a photo?

What you could do is do a mock up with the wedding planner, set up a chair with the decorations, a table with the centerpieces, cutlery etc. and either take photos or do this with the wedding planner in person. I know you won't be able to replicate the full room, but for the smaller decorations, at least you could feel peace of mind that it would be exactly how you wanted it, especially if you take photos, the wedding planner could use the photos as a guide when she's setting up?

No No No. Get this non-issue out of your head.

I had to delegate the task of decorating to Boy, Best Man, Mum and a few more family members. I simply didn't have the time to get it done in the morning. I knew exactly what I wanted and left instructions that even a child could have followed. Cakes, wish trees, reception signs, a million candles, cocktail sticks, dishes of sweets, etc etc etc. Everything was bagged and labelled to within an inch of its life.

Examples:
"20 tea lights + 20 dark pink votives. To be placed 2 cms apart on the windowsills of the ceremony room, 10 on each window sill"
"4 hurricane vases + 4 bags of sand + 4 white candles. Vases to be placed along garden wall to right of French doors, empty one bag of sand into each, place one candle in centre of each"
"Toiletries basket and items. Toiletries basket to be placed on left side of shelf under mirror in ladies loo. Bagged items to be placed in lines down right of basket. Candle + holder to be placed at right rear of basket. Jar placed rear centre and to have toothbrushes in it. Hairbrush and toothpaste to be laid flat toward front of box"

So, you can still control it all!

However, and this is where I'm smiling, I can't remember if all this was done. I don't know, and nor do I care, if the right votives went onto the right windowsills. And nor will you. You simply cannot be sad or disappointed about this.

Personally, I think you are overreacting.

Yes, we all want our weddings to be perfect, but you will not notice on the day, and as you said, the venue is a business in a tough economic climate.

You've got someone who'll do a fantastic job no doubt so I don't think it's stressing yourself out over it.

I know I would be upset too but I don't think you will care on the day. I did see, on Pinterest I think, a bride had boxes of her decorations and taped to the lid of each box was a photo of how it should be set up. If you did this anyone should be able to follow the pictures and your venue will be exactly as you planned it. Also as you have a co-ordinator show her a set up in person so she also has an image in her head and the photos to follow.

I don't have a choice to arrange it myself as we are marrying about 40 miles away from the reception.

I reckon I will go in and have a trial run with the co-ordinator and then just leave her to it- she could take some pics to refer to but as footlong says I am sure I wont notice what is where!

I woulda been completely freaked if that was me. You tell a venue that you want it the day before and then they book another event. I would be fuming. I hope you hadn't paid extra to have it the day before!!! I'm the same though. I want to be setting up the reception part of my venue the day before (as long as it's not the same room I'm getting married in)

Did it say in the contract the times of your venue hire? Mine isn't until 09:30 on the morning of the wedding but they have said I can decorate the day before IF there is nothing booked the day before. I have everything crossed at it won't be the case (I'm getting married on a Thursday so fingers crossed!) But if they do I cannot moan.

If your contract states the venue is yours from the day before then you should be offered some sort of compensation as you are not getting the venue for the agreed time.

They have contacted me tonight and are compensating me as I had written confirmation I could have the room. Because it was such a large booking they insisted they could not turn it away.

I have accepted their offer and I know you are all right in saying that I won't mind on the day but I am not the type of person to roll over and accept something which isn't right (ie - them saying I cant decorate the day before!)

Thanks for all the helpful advice and kind words

This may sound boring and easy for me to say, but it will be ok. I had the exact same thing happen. It felt like the end of the world but I resorted to plan B. I made very detailed instructions and labelled everything with table plans, diagrams for where everything went etc. The hotel set it up for me (for free) as I complained that I had wanted to do it and would not be paying someone else to just because they had another function, but they did it really well, it was all sorted on time and it looked great.

I do think it will be fine, but I appreciate how you feel, I really do. I hope things run more smoothly now for you, try to find something nice you can do now with the day/evening before

It's probably something that would bother me too, are you able to go in before your wedding on another day and set it up then take photos for your planner so she knows exactly how you want it? I am glad they have compensated you and hopefully your planner will get it spot on the way you want it, make sure you explain to her how upset you are that you can't do it yourself xx

To look at it another way, by not seeing it beforehand you might be even more blown away with the finished result. If you were to set it up you'd see it all as you went along. This way it might have a bigger impact...more of the 'wow' factor ?

Wow, who exactly are you to come here and start being rude and insulting? Every one else has been kind, understanding and has given constructive advice.

I guess every forum needs a troll.

And to clarify, I did have confirmation of the room the day before. In writing. How much more confirmed can you get than that? So get off of YOUR high horse and go and try and belittle someone else's wedding day because I absolutely do not care what you have to say to me.

Wow.

However miffed you feel about not being able to control your wedding in its entirety, there is absolutely no need to turn on an established member of the Hitched community, clearly not a troll, who is merely expressing a valid opinion. Even if you don't like it.

IMO, you're not doing yourself any favours and if you show this kind of attitude to your venue they might stop trying to be accommodating, contract or not!

Says the one with a whopping 5 posts...

As you have it in writing I would be miffed but I'd be taking it up with the venue as they are surely in breach of contract. You really won't care about the set up on the day. If you do, you have issues.

Hey Feline.

You are well within your rights, given that you had it confirmed in writing from your venue. I think it is perfectly justified to be extremely irritated that your venue has gone back on what was agreed. Irrelevant of what the other function was, you had it agreed.

Does the compensation they are offering cover the cost of a wedding coordinator, or will you get friends and family to set up it up? Assome of the other girls have suggested, with really good ideas about detailed instructions and photos.

I was quite lucky that our venue took care of the room for us and the florist did the centre pieces etc, so I didn't really know exactly how it would look on the day. On the day itself, when I went into the rooom it took my breath away it was so beautiful and everybody had done an amazing job.

Plus, as many others say (and I didn't believe it until it had happened to me) you don't notice anything small on the wedding day. You will feel like you are floating, and it will all seem like an amazing dream. Ha in my head my wedding day was ABSOLUTELY perfect. It may not have been, there have been small things that weren't right, but I didn't notice and neither will you on the day.

When you are running a business every event is equally important, so I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but the running club event is just as important as your wedding. I think this is what Missrae was trying to point. I think all brides fall into the trap of thinking they are the only person to ever get married. As Missrae said these people are professional and it's what they do for a living. Remember what is really important, marrying your OH.

First of all - yes you have every right to be annoyed. If you had it in writing that you were able to have access to the venue the day before, they should have honoured that.

Although Missrae may been a bit blunt in the way she said what she said, it's not really on to accuse an established member of a forum a troll. You'll find Hitched is a very honest place which makes it , IMO, a much better wedding forum than any other.

I'm pleased you've managed to come to an agreement with the venue now - I promise it will all work out fine.

Indeed.

When asking for advice you will get exactly that around here- some you want to hear, some you don't and some you might not expect- that is the great thing about an open forum.

Please don't take offence to missrae- as I am sure she meant none- just offered another point of view.

I promise you are over reacting.

i couldn't set up at my vendor, there was a wedding the day before. I sent a box for each table, with clear photos and instructions of how I wanted it all set up. I had to leave it to thier judgement and I was so panicky that it wouldn't be right.

as with footlong, I actually couldn't tell you on the day how it all ended up! I know everyone commented on how lovely the venue looked and we all had a fabulous time.

Seriously, chill out! It will be fine.

Vendor = venue on an iPhone apparently.

As a relative newbie on here I have valued the experience and advice offered when I have asked for it. I had my bridezilla moment and it became apparent relatively quickly that I was over reacting and had some lovely HONEST answer which quite frankly were packaged in many ways but there was no malicious intent in any of them.......just advice which as an adult you can either follow or ignore. I would be surprised if any of the genuine Hitchers were Trolls..........

Whenever we have weddings at work we are given instructions on how to set stuff up. I remember one wedding in particular where the couple wanted things setting up specifically, they took photos, gave them to us and we set it up with no issues.

Annoying as it may be, I am sure it cant be that hard for others to do the setting up if you tell them what to do.

Wow, it's amazing how quickly people can turn when they hear something they don't like.

Yes I'd be annoyed too but take your anger out on the venue not a valued contributer to a forum where you're seeking honest advice... even if the advice is very blunt.

I'm also a newby but already I've found the advice (good and bad) invaluable. Sometimes you need someone to give another side to things otherwise you run the risk of turning in to a complete bridezilla!

Hiya

ive worked in hotels and wedding venues & they shouldn't have said u could defo decorate the day before until maybe 4-6 weeks prior to ur wedding because they can't guarantee they won't get a last minute booking & like u said they won't turn away business and its a big booking! If they've had such high staff turnover that you've had 4 contacts so far I wouldn't trust they'd do ur decs right, I'd trust the wedding planner though, she'll understand ur anxieties but the venue are completely out if order for saying u can 100% decorate the day prior and like u said u were so looking forward to spending the day with ur friends u need to get some kind of compensation to satisfy ur angst! They can give u all sorts of freebies because hotels hate bad press & they'll do it keep u happy, they're really out of order & ur the customer!

good luck

Erin x