Sibling Rivalry!? *rant*

I understand your pain! I had a huge bridezilla moment after arranging a date so none of my sisters were at uni or revising exams cos i wanted my sisters to come wedding dress shopping, well one of them decided they had to work. I threw a huge hussy fit! I found THE dress and bought it and then she was upset because she missed out!

The one thing i was thinking was surely you will not know whether or not they are coming upto about 6 months before the wedding as you can't fly at certain points in pregnancy??? I hope everything works out for you and her!

(I often have to remind myself that my wedding is only number 1 on my priority list only)

I think that its slightly hard for you to expect other people to work around your wedding- family or not.

Like lovelygirl said- youre wedding is only your number one priority- and obviously having children is a big thing. Its not like shes booked a holiday over your day

Sorry but hopefulyl once youve had time to chat to her again you can maybe relax and take in both sides?

M x

I can totally understand why you are disappointed that she might not be able to see you get married. But I also don't think it's fair for you to guilt trip her about her decision. Think about things from her perspective- you have been told you can only have one more child, you feel the time is now right, but your younger sister is getting married soon. Do you really expect her to wait til after you get married before even starting to try for a baby? In which case it might be 2/3 years from now by the time they wait for your wedding, start trying, conceive, then have a 9 month pregnancy.

Like I say, I can totally understand why you are so upset (I definitely would be as well) but you cannot expect her to put her life on hold just because of your wedding. It's a shame she doesn't want/wouldn't be able to come anyway while she is pregnant.

Hey thanks ladies i was dubious about posting that as to what replies i would get and i'm not looking for everyone to tell me im right but i'm just totally upset because i know i sound harsh but i know she's done this as a shot at me and that is all,

and i'm not expecting her to "put her life on hold for my wedding" but she's my only family like literally, and no baby plans untill i set my wedding date i just think is a harsh shot, and not that but her attitude like y should i be upset?

WSS I'm afraid.

TTC isn't an exact science so whilst they are trying now, it might not happen for another year, two, three, ever...

I'm sure this is nothing to do with sibling rivalry and everything to do with them deciding the time is right for them to think about having another child.

Sorry ladies i was worried about comingoff as a brat and i think thats whats happened, and thats not my intenetion just feeling sorry for myself, shouldn't expect ppl to fully understand family issues but also interpret things for me, thanks for letting me rant x

I can sort of see why you'd be upset that your sister may not be there, however it doesn't seem that you are really close.

When my daughter was concieved, we worked out that my due date clashed with OH's dad's 60th b'day celebrations in France, but such is life and I couldn't go. I wouldn't have waited to start trying because there is always going to be something coming up which you could use as a reason to delay things. I think from your sister's POV, she's 34, been given some big news in that she can only have one more child and understandably wants to try to conceive now. If she was to wait until after your wedding, she would be a little bit older (not that she's old!) and she would have to postpone something that is really important to her. We didnt take the decision to start trying for a baby lightly, we spent ages making sure we could afford it and that we were ready, and if your sister is trying, no doubt she's been through the same emotions.

We also have 4 very close friends who are due babies around the time of our wedding. It's a shame that they may not be able to be there but it's their life and they have a right to choose when they start a family.

Can you include them in numbers etc and then rearrange if they are not able to make it?

Just a note she's known since baby 1 she can possible only have 3 kids do to an emergency c section so she's known for 6yrs, but i'm tying to calm and just try and work things out x

but we are close when i go with the flow but if i disagree with anything she doesn't speak to me and wont let me web cam the kids, my mum and dad said plan without her for now and see what happens so will prolly do that x

I feel a bit uneasy replying to this as usually the answer is: I agree with the hitcher but in this case I dont think its so cut and dry. I think its a really good point made above - your number one priority is your wedding, hers is likely to be having another child - especially if she knows it's going to be her last one and without being rude - she is not getting any younger and has other reasons to want it to happen NOW with her age gap concern.

I can see 100% why your upset but I think it's unfair to ask others to not make any major changes to their life so as not to ruin your plans. Remember that her plans are as important as yours.

Saying that - you know your sister better than any of us and if she has decided she wants a child now to detract from your day or cause difficulties then I would be upset and I think you'd have every right to be upset. I'd be carefull how you broach with with parents though - remember your both their kids and it's unfair to bring them into the middle.

Hope you sort it out - sounds like you both have so many good times together to look forward to.

In all honesty i think its a little bit harsh to expect her to work out her baby making plans around your wedding. If you put yourself in her situation and although you may feel bad, i should think you would do the same if you wanted to extend your family. Familis are defintely a strain when organising, however, i think you just have to ride this one out until nearer the time. Dont put yourself out to organise stuff and if your parents confront why you dont seem to be involving your sis family then you may suggest they speak directly to her about her plans.

Hi well i'm don't think i'm being a bridezilla, and i know it's MY wedding but being as we're all eachother has thought i'd be a small priority to her, not saying she should plan her life around my wedding it just seems a little out of the blue and i think i was quite calm and just said like do u not see y i would be upset - no how dare u! or can't you wait! - just wanted to talk to her about it all and she just wouldn't talk to me

but you've all raised some good points which i'm taking on and hopefully it'll all sort itself out, but i feel rubbish about it all right now

Hope your OK Starla? Hopefully this has put everything back in perspective - I don't think you did anything wrong at the moment, but are in danger of doing if your not careful.

Maybe give her space, tell her how excited you are about her plans too and what will be will be and agree to try and work around it the best you can?

Well i see your point, but im exactly in the same position but it doesnt bother me in the slightest that my only sister is currently TTC her first child and is also going to be MOH. If she happens to be pregnant by then then i will be over the moon as i cant wait to be an aunty and in all honesty i will be really gutted for her if she hasnt been able to catch for that length of time. Just see what the future holds chick, im sure it will be all good :-)

Sorry you feel so upset - hope this hasn't made you feel worse! It is difficult - emotions run high about weddings and babies and of course you want her there, she's your sis, but I do agree with the others she has every right to pursue having another baba. But please don't feel like people are having a go, I think everyone just thinks it would be a shame if you fell out when you don't need to. Perhaps it more about you already having a volatile relationship with each other anyway than about her trying to have a baby and it clashing with the wedding. I don't know - obviously you know your situation best but I would def bite my tongue even if you are annoyed cos falling out isn't going to make either of you feel better about both of your important situations, if that makes sense!

Perhaps if it's stressing you out about preparations make a decision that her children won't be pg / fg if that makes you feel better about not organising it or being 'let down' at the last minute. Then you won't absolutely NEED to know until a few weeks before the day, though I'm sure you'll want to before, there won't be so much hingeing on it.

Good luck and try to let it go, the important thing is your getting married, and though you'd love her there, life isn't always simple espec as she is so far away, and everyone has stuff going on, it's just bad timing and high emotions on both sides IMO xx

I fight with my sisters all the time... I have 3 to fight with, but generally once the dust has settled everything is ok. I did not mean to suggest either party was being selfish, just need to remember that every day is a new day, and when all is said and done our wedding days will just be that another day in time. Special things happen everyday, if she can't be with you on your big day maybe you could think of innovative ways for you to feel her presence.... Maybe get her to record a good will message you can play on a tv screen after the speeches, or borrow a piece of jewellery you have always envied, or any other way you can think of.....

But till it is definite either way i would try not to worry about it and get on with enjoying your planning

Sorry, WEES, you *are* like, sooooo literally, being brattish IMO. your wedding is never going to be as important to her as it will be to you, so to expect her to put off TTC (which is not an exact science) just because you are getting married is BU.

I know you've said it's all a bit out of the blue but you've also said you're not mega close to your sister so why on earth would she discuss her fertility and her trying to conceive with you? It's only a fairly modern thing to tell anyone you're trying - up until maybe 15 years ago the first anyone expected to know about it was the pregnancy announcement, and even then only at about 12 weeks gone.

If anything I think she's been more than fair in even warning you that her being pregnant is a possibility. Sorry, I realise that isn't what you wanted to hear but if you want to maintain any sort of relationship with your sister you need to get over this one.

I missed the full post but think you may have written about something close to my heart...

This weekend my sister (my only one and we're quite close) told me she's pregnant and due 2 days after my wedding - she lives a 5 hour drive away and therefore if the baby is on time she won't be there. I'm SO excited and happy for her but there's a little nigggling sadness as she won't be at my wedding. But being happy for her far surpasses the dissapointment.

She was my chief bridesmaid and was going to sign the register and I know she'd be the one I'd rely on the day and we definately have our moments and only in the last year or so have we stopped competing with each other!

Not sure if this wasn't what your post was about!

But felt very relevant to me at the moment! I think sisters can have very unique relationships!

xx