Sorry for the woe is me type post, I think I just need to let it all out
So my husband left me at the end of May saying we need a break. Things hadn't been fantastic, but I had twins just before Christmas and so obviously they have been taking up all of my time, and so yes our relationship was kind of put on the back burner. I was shattered constantly etc. But I didn't think he was even thinking of leaving.
We only married in September when I was 6.5 months pregnant. It was the happiest day of my life and I felt complete. Married with twins on the way, I couldn't have been happier
2 weeks after he left I discovered he had met someone else. He was working abroad when I found out. I got hold of her number and rang her screaming like a fishwife ? She is a friend of a friend and knew we were recently married and that we had baby twin boys. I gave her hell, she told me that he had said we had broken up for good and so on with it they got.
When he got home we met for a drink, he admitted everything and told me he was planning on telling me when he got back in the country.
Anyway cut a long story short, I have been devestated. He has been coming home to see the boys. He has taken hardly any stuff and keeps telling me he doesnt know what he wants. He then disappears back off to her house every night. And the idiot like I am I have been putting up with it, waiting til after he goes to then sit here and sob my heart out.
Last week after being at a friends house I went to the other womans house. Its right on my door step pretty much ffs. I don't know why I went. I wanted to talk to her I guess. I wanted to tell her to leave my H alone and that he should be at home with his wife and family. I ended up sobbing on her kitchen floor in a complete state. I felt like such a fool. She cried too and kept saying she was sorry but that she loved him. I dont think I have ever regretted going somewhere so much in my life or felt so humiliated.
In february I was declared bankrupt. This month our mortgage company has filed for repossesion. Last week H told me to look for somewhere we could private rent and that we would give it another go if I still wanted to. I was over the moon (I know some of you will laugh at me for that)
Now hes saying he's still not sure.
If we private rent we would have to pay 7 months up front due to being repossesed. My dad has offered to help us out if we need it as I am not working (mat leave) and we just dont have that sort of money laying around
But I dont think H is coming back. So private rent is out of the question for me and the boys. I have enquired at the council and they say we will be offered a hostel.
So while H is probably shacked up with his "girl friend", me and the boys will have to go through all of this alone. How is that fair? I don't want this for them. This wasn't how life was meant to happen. This time last year i was planning my wedding and planned to give the boys everything they want/need etc. Now I feel like I have failed them as I cant get their Daddy to stay and have sod all to offer them apart from all the love in the world. They have kept me going these last few weeks, I love them so much I want to give them the world.
I still love my H. I would have him back in an instant but the fact he cant decide what he wants should surely kick me in to touch to forget him and move on but I just cant. We would have been together 7 years on Sunday. Its so much to just throw away. How can he leave us like this??
There is so much more between the lines but I dont have the energy to type it all tbh. I just cant see a way forward. I want to wake up and discover its all been a bad dream ?
