Suits - What Would You Do?

They are being unreasonable. You have given them the option, and aletered them to the costs - if they're not bridal party you didn't need to have even offered them that. I think you're well within your rights to say that you don't want it to look half matchy half not.

As a compromise could you have them having buttonholes the same as the FOB/FOG/Ushers?

I would be inclined to let them buy a suit they will wear again - explain that the hire suits are 'hire' for a reason, ie expensive quality, style etc & not the type of thing you will wear again! Also with the cravats - I would say the colour is a surprise until the day so wear a neutral coloured tie / cravat.

And perhaps the shop will let you use the deposit towards paying of the suits you do still need to hire?

I can see where they are coming from, Mine and OHs dad are so tight they think £110 on a hire suit is madness. So we have paid for them to take the matter out of their hands.

I assume this isn't possible for you so i'd ask them to buy a normal suit and use the £20 you offered as a goodwill gesture to buy them a tie/cravat/hankie in the same design and colour as the other groomsmen.

That must be infuriating! I totally understand how you feel when you say you don't want them matching, I think I'd feel the same. Especially as you explained to them the situation in the first place. Plus, from places I've looked at for suit hire £110 isn't really that dear compared to most.

I'd be inclined to tell them to sort themselves out TBH in a non matching suit - As you have included them and its they who have changed their minds, so in my opinion they would be a bit out of order to kick up a fuss about it. Plus they turned down your kind gesture of making a contribution towards it.

Hope you get it sorted out though (and manage to get the deposits back!) ?

wss

people backing out of things will silly excuses are one of the things that annoy me the most!

Thanks to everyone for your replies.

Brideseekingblush - yes we will still give them buttonholes to wear so that they still feel included, good suggestion As you said; they aren't actually the bridal party anyway, we only asked them if they wanted a suit in the first place so that they wouldn't feel left out!

I will just tell them to buy a suit and tie that they can wear again. If they start demanding to know what type of waistcoats and cravats the others are wearing then I think we should probably do as SaSaSi suggested and tell them it's a "surprise" and therefore they would be better to buy a neutral colour/style.

Kayl, I know what you're saying, I appreciate that £110 is a hell of a lot of money to spend on a hire suit. Paying for these two suits isn't really an option, we are paying for all of the other suits (i.e. Dads, brothers/ushers, best man) as they are the bridal party, but as I mentioned above; the only reason we offered the suits to the brother in-law and sister's boyfriend in the first place is so that they wouldn't feel left out.

Speaking on a general basis, there's nothing "tight" about it at all. It's just how men see things differently to women when it comes to weddings, particularly "matching" stuff.

Unless the bride and groom (as a joint budgeted decision) are prepared to pay fully for anything for any of the bridal party, then I really don't see you have any leg to stand on when anyone baulks at the costs of the special things you are expecting them to buy for your big day, whether it be a new suit, or shoes, or whatever.

We've bought matching ties for all the men (myself included) that match the colour of the bridesmaid's dresses. Apart from that, we aren't in the slightest bit bothered whether their suits are all of the same cut or the same shade of black (or whatever colour for that matter) because, let's face it, once the ceremony is over and a few group photos done, the first thing we do is get rid of the jackets and stick them on the back of our chairs out of the way because most of us don't need to or want to wear jackets on a regular basis and they just feel awkward.

I should just point out once again if I may that the two men in question are not part of the bridal party, we are paying for bridal party suits out of our own pocket.

It was their decision to want to match these suits, we certainly never forced it upon them. We felt as though we had to offer them the option of the suit hire so that they didn't feel as though we were leaving them out, but it was made clear from the start that we would only be paying for the groom, best man, brothers, ushers and dads suits. We gave them the option of finding their own suits (or wearing one they already own) but at the time they were keen to have the same.

AJ I didn't mean for that to sound negative. I am quite tight with somethings too and my Dad always says "You don't get rich by spending it".