The giving of gifts...

No mention of gifts would get cash in the card.

Gift list, would buy something from said list.

Money poem, would again put cash in card, or cheque if requested. We tend to do cash, as not always 100% sure who to make cheque payable to, and if they have a joint account or not !?!

If we got an invite without any mention, we would put money in, if they had a gift list, would happily buy from this, as for the poems, they don't bother me at all so would put money in for this also.

May I start that none of this topic "offends" me... I just have my opinions.

If there is no mention of gifts in an invitation I would either give money or a personal gift which I felt would be appreciated by the couple (this of course depends on how well I know them). There would be no toasters as they are simply not really necessary in most people's lives these days as they have one.

I am happy to buy from a gift list, or to oblige in the giving of money or vouchers if asked. I objected at a recent wedding when the Bride to be excitedly told me on her hen night that her OH was "checking the list everyday to see what we had got". This instantly got my back up and I refused to buy from the list until the last minute and then they didn't get as much as maybe they would have before I knew this. I found it rude and presumptuous, its like opening your presents 3 weeks before your birthday.

I don't like money poems and would tell someone so if prompted. Just be honest. I would much rather hear in a simple line or by word of mouth that if we wished to give a gift that you would appreciate money for your house or the honeymoon of a lifetime, not a poem that means nothing to you really, that you downloaded off the internet.

I put a money poem in mine, and everyone has said how nice it was

if there was no mention i would probably give money anyway, or maybe buy something like a photo frame etc

If there is no mention of gifts, I would either ask the couple what they like, or buy them something if I am close enough to them to know their tastes - I have never given, and probably will never give, money.

If there was a gift list I would buy something from it. If there was a request for money then this would be the only occasion where I might give it; however, if I was close to the couple and therefore confident that I could pick a suitable gift then I would do this instead.

We wont be asking for anything, and as such will be happy just to have our guests with us on the day. If they want to give us money, vouchers, gifts, etc. we wont refuse them, but do not expect them either.

I think money peoms are naff, but wouldn't offend a friend by saying so, as I know how funny we can all get about our weddings.

My responses are going to be tempered by the idea that I don't think gifts, for any occasion, need to be useful.

Definitely buy a gift. One I don't even think twice about. As punishment

If asked what I thought about the request, I'd say that "it's not my thing" while wrinkling my nose.

If someone sent a gift list, I'd pick something from it.

If no indication, I'd probably give cash or a gift voucher.

The value would be dependent on how well I knew the couple.

No mention of gifts - Panic! Would momentarily think 'oh no what do they want!?'. But would then give money.

Gift list - Happily choose a gift.

Specific request for money - Happily give money.

Money poem - I'd think 'eeeeuuuurgh. Grow some balls and ask straight out'. Can't stand them. And would give money. Would never say anything to B&G about it though.

Just to throw another one in though, what about gift requests in evening invites?

I throw a copy of Debrett's at them and cull them from my life forever. ?

It doesnt bother me and would purchase of the list happy in the knowledge that we are buying something that is "wanted" "needed"

If there is no mention of a gift I would give money.

Gift List, request for money it really doesnt matter to me.

I dont like money poems because in my opinion I feel that those asking for it in such a way are very umcomfortable at the thought of asking so fluff it up and it always makes me wince if I recieve one, I wouldnt ever not give them money or a less amount because of this, as its just my opinion that I dislike the poems.

No mention of gifts depending on who it was would either buy them something beautiful (if it was somebody who I could easily buy for such as a close friend) or give money if it was somebody who I knew less about such as one of my husbands friends.

Would and have been quite happy to buy from a gift list and the same for money request.

With regards to money poems, I like some if them, they do not offend me (I actually don't see the big deal, its just a bit of fun) and I used one. I didn't ask anybody what they thought about it but had a few people come to me and say they thought it was lovely.

I think they're cute, especially if the bride or groom wrote it themselves. Some people are more imaginative than just grabbing one off the net.

Invitation with no mention of gifts - I'll give cash/cheque

Invitation with gift list - I'll buy something from the gift list to the value I wish to spend. As Clurr said, if there isn't anything on there that makes up that value, I'll buy vouchers from the shop. Sometimes I do that anyway if that is an option on the list (easier innit).

Money poems - tack, tack, tack IMHO. Just put a simple sentence in at the bottom somewhere.

My response if asked by B&G about money poems? Depends if they've already sent them out ?

That's another thing. I hate to receive a gift list in an evening invite.

? My thoughts exactly haha.

Maybe they fibbed!

I think its really terrible! ?

No mention - will buy a personal gift or give cash.

Gift list - Buy off the list or give vouchers.

Money Poems - Bloody awful but would give money anyway. If asked my opinion, I would give it.

As for receiving a gift list/money poem/cash request in an evening invitation, dont even get me started....

CB - can't believe you've started up another gift list/money poem thread. You know they never end well.

If there was no mention of a gift then I would ask the b&g if there is anything they need. If no then I would panic a tiny bit and end up grabbing some random gift like a condiments set or something, unless I knew them well enough to get them something personal. I'm rubbish at buying couple presents.

If there was a gift list then I woul buy something from the list and, if they were very close friends or family, then I would buy/make them something personal to give to them on the day.

If there was a request for money then the same as above.

If there was a money poem then I would give them money but judge them for it forever more.

I always thought a gift list was just a suggestion of gifts the couple would like to recieve. So you can buy them a gift of your own choosing if you prefer or you can pick something from the list if you are rubbish at buying presents, so the couple don't end up with loads of panic-bought gifts from relatives they haven't seen in years. Or have I completely misunderstood the gift list thing?

I'm in the minority as I actually prefer to receive a gift list/cash request in the invitation. I'm rubbish at buying imaginative presents for people and I don't really have a lot of time to go out shopping, so I'm grateful for the prompt.

I've recently counted that we've been to 28 weddings in the last four years and, if my memory serves me correctly, only one of those (evening do) didn't contain gift information. I ended up buying them a slate heart thing to hang on the wall.

I don't like poems because I think they're cheesy, but it wouldn't change the amount I was to give.

No mention of gifts: I would give money

Gift list: I would buy from the list, providing it isn't listed at Harrods then it would be money that I could afford.

Money Poem: I would think ️?️ and put money in.

No, definitely with you on that one! I also like to receive a gift list, just not as an evening guest.

Oh, 100% with you on that one.

It's quite funny because you (well, I) wouldn't go to an 18th/21st birthday party empty handed and that's only evening, so why would you do it at a wedding?

(Or are those of you who are annoyed at it annoyed at being ASKED. i.e. you'd still give something if you were only invited to the evening, you just don't think it's right be be asked?)

That possibly doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but I hope you can comprehend it!

Exactly this.

Invite with no mention of gifts - I would give cash/cheque

gift list provided - I would happily choose something/s off it to add up to the amount I would otherwise give in cash

Poems - I don't particularly like these but would still give the same amount of money. If asked, I would say it was not my cup of tea but each to their own.

What I don't like, is when people list 'activities' for them to do on honeymoon - 'dinner out costing $100', 'diving trip costing $200' etc. I just think this is a not very well sugar-coated way of asking people to pay for your honeymoon. The $100 equivalent someone gives for a posh dinner will not sit in their wallets with a note saying to save it for dinner - it's going to go into a big pot to pay the whole thing off in one go. I don't have a problem paying money towards someone's honeymoon if they ask for it straight, but this way just seems uneccesary and too fluffy for my liking

Do you sent out gift lists for your parties then? That is what sending out a gift list with an evening invite equates to IMO.

ETA - I wouldn't turn up to a party empty handed, but I wouldn't expect to receive a gift list for it.

I dont get why people hate money poems so much. If you dont need gifts and dont want a gift list you either get pressies u dont want or money anyway

I think money poems are a nice and friendly waying of saying we dont need gift but we could put cash towards x,y or z.

I made my own short but sweet poem to put in my invites and everyone has said how nice they thought it was, it just makes it easier for those guests that 'would like' to get you something. Yes some people may think its cheesy but there are loads of other things that people think are cheesy, we all have our own opinions. i dont think people should be judged because they send a money poem

To me it says, you aren't important enough to be invited to the whole day, but please buy me a gift anyway.

I would always give a gift when attending an evening reception. As you say, the tackiness is in being asked. If I was hosting a 30th birthday party I wouldn't put a request for gifts/cash into the invitation.

No.

But *tries really hard to find a way of explaining what I mean* if someone asks you what you want for your birthday, you tell them don't you? So, even though you wouldn't send out a gift lift, in effect it's the same thing because someone's buying you something you want to celebrate your birthday. After all, the wedding gift isn't to say "cheers for a massive piss up and the food" it's to say "congratulations on getting hitched".

I don't think I'm explaining my point very well! ?

If asked, I would tell boy what I'd like for my birthday/Christmas. Also, my Mum (if she asks, most years she has a plot hatched). Apart from those two people, who are understandably the two who know me to the core, I would never do anything other than fudge a reply and get out of saying anything concrete. I don't ask my friends what they want for their birthdays, do you?