The giving of gifts...

No, I get your point. But you wouldn't send out a gift list to everyone prior to your birthday. However if people ask, you'd tell them.

I don't actually mind receiving a gift list as a day guest at a wedding, but think it's a bit money grabbing to send them out with evening invites. You wouldn't expect to receive one with a party invitation, and effectively, it's just the party that evening guests are invited to.

Honestly? Yes, because I'd rather get them something they want/need than something they dont. It's not ungrateful, but how many times have you received washbags and lavender smellies because people just wanted to buy you a present, but you've never used it and probably stuck it in a raffle the next time someone was calling for raffle prizes to give at fetes?

I'm not saying people should or shouldn't ask though. I'm pro-choice!

It's an interesting subject and if you didn't agree, you wouldn't have read the thread and commented ?

Exactly this

Fair enough. I will reiterate my point that guests aren't giving presents in return for the day, though, but as a gesture to celebrate the marriage, to help the bride and groom on their way in their future life. Therefore, if you're only sending out the gift list to people who attend the day, it's sort of like saying "We'' expect a present off you because we've paid X amount for you to be here, but because we're not really spending much money for the evening guests to be here, we wont send them a gift list."

Do you know what I mean?

I didn't realise this annoyed people. I got an evening invite recently where they asked for thomas cook vouchers so I gave them £25 of Thomas Cook vouchers. They are friends, not close friends, but nice people I know who I occassionally solicalise with. I thought this was a normal thing to do. I wouldn't consider going to a dinner party empty handed let alone a wedding. If a gift list wasn't invluded in the evening invite, would you still give a gift? Is it the presumption that annoys people? I'm worried about offending my evening guests! I had no idea people would take offence ?

I do see your point alice, but I think the gift is not only to celebrate the marriage, but as a thank you for being invited. If you were invited to a dinner party, for example, you'd take a bottle of wine, or flowers, to thank them for their invitation and for their efforts in putting together the evening, not in celebration of anything.

Never mind "evening only guests"... how many times have we all been asked to contribute to a collection for a work colleague whose wedding we haven't been invited to?

Our decision not to have everyone for the wedding breakfast was simply budget - it would have cost over £3000 extra to have fed everyone during the afternoon, and we couldn't cull our guest list any more, so we settled on what we could do best for everyone... and not one person whinged about not being invited to the wedding breakfast, they understood that the wedding breakfast is only meant for the closest family and friends anyway.

Yes

If there was no gift list / request for mony then like many people I'd choose something that reflected the couple or was something unique. A few million years ago when I was living in Oman I went back to the UK for a friends wedding and gave them a traditional Omani box with traditional Arabic things in - incense burner, frankinsense (which can be found in Oman) and some other bits including a small camel - had to be done. All had a use but was something different.

As for money.......I have to be honest and say that I hate giving cash, but that is probably because I dont have much and don't want to appear stingy. Very old friend of mine gets married in 9 days and asked for cash - see a previous posting about this dilemma. I ended up getting her an elephant shaped money box (as I live in Africa) painted with their names and a design on and put some money in it. That way they'll know I've given cash but hopefully realise that it's a pound made up of 5ps lol.

Wedding gift lists / Honeymoon lists are great though can be a bit impersonal so would add something small or a nice card or something.

Hate the whole poem thing.

As for evening guests being asked for presents - I think it depends on the relationship with the couple and the size/type of wedding they are having.

It's similar when you have an overseas wedding - you know people are already spnding a fortune to come so dont expect anything but what about those who want to come but can't?? One guest list fits all or just not bother sending one unless specifically asked??????

I found it interesting recently to see my friends' reactions to a wedding money poem - it was split down the middle between those who liked it and those who hated it. I found it a bit cringeworthy and would prefer a direct, polite approach. I gave money anyway, as that's what they wanted but several friends felt awkward handing money over so they bought vouchers.

? Woah calm down Grasshopper!

That reminds me, I got an evening invite from my friend and it had a gift list in it! Never mind that I had to travel 500 miles to get there (that would make a good song ) I ended up buying something else that was personalised for the couple.

Agree. My gift, my choice of what I buy, without any undue stress that it might not be received well (as it wasn't listed as what the bride and groom "want").

Yes, buuuuuuuuut some people aren't as clued up as you and are no good at buying presents, which is where a gift list comes in handy.

A gift list/money poem isn't the bride and grooms way of saying "Don't turn up if you don't get us this". It's their way of saying "If you do want to get us a gift, but are stuck for what we'd like, here are some ideas".

Who said anything about not buying a gift as an evening guest?! I simply said I didn't like to receive a gift list with an evening invite. Not that I wouldn't buy a gift.

No mention of anything- I would give cash or cash and a small gift. I would NOT buy a toaster!

Gift list- I would buy something off the list.

Money request- I would give money.

Money poem- I would give the same amount of money, although it would make me think a little less of the couple. They are asking for money anyway, so I would feel it insults my intelligence a little.

I wouldn't expect to receive a request of any type in an evening invite. I would however take a card with cash in it, I would NOT take a toaster!

This is one of those "each to their own" topics.....

Personally and I mean it's only what I am like and it is just my opinion (before anyone gets on their high horse! lol!) I am in the "Thanks for inviting me to your wedding, you'll get what I choose to give you, rest assured that if we are close enough friends/family, at some point I will have asked what you would like, or intuitively know you would prefer a gift/voucher/money and will therefore endeavour to give that to you" camp.

I dont like being told what to get without me asking, but that is just my opinion. Our invites went out with no mention of gifts or money poems etc etc. we were bought some really lovely gifts that truely showed how much attention they'd paid to us and how well they knew us as a couple but we got some eqaully naff ones! Mainly we had money. A couple of people never got us anything. Dont get me wrong, I was delighted with the money we had and genuinely did not expect to get what we did. when our invites went out, there were a few people who rang/messageed my asking where our gift list was. I just told them to bring themselves to the wedding and mines a vodka lime lemonade on the day! none of those people bought presents, they stuck a few quid in a card.

I love it when CB gets us on a debate! haha!

I have just realised I was siding with the I wouldn't want a gift list with a evening invite .. but i got one earleir this year and brought them a gift, didn't offend me at the time. I prefer gift lists - as long as there is a range of price ranged gifts so I can pick. I am not a fan of giving money but if they ask not to offended, but if I know them well I ignore it and buy them a gift

I do not usually mind this - though I got a Thank you card the other day where they had asked for money for there Honeymoon, and the Thank You card said they had spent it on swimming with sharks. But I know they didn't know this at the time - I forgot the card so sent one after thanking them for sharing their day with us and some money which I sent while they were on their honeymoon! I know it shouldn't annoy me ... but it did

I don't know why but I actually find "gifts for honeymoon" worse than "gifts for our home".

I suppose it's along the thought of "if you can't afford it you shouldn't spend it" and whilst at least money towards setting up a home/new kitchen/boob job (or whatever) is going towards a specific and ongoing useful item, whereas a honeymoon is, really, nothing more than a glorified holiday.

You obviously didn't pick the right honeymoon then! However, I am interested to hear this as we have been wondering how to word our thank-you cards to those who gave us money. One suggestion was to include a photo of a specific honeymoon event and thank them for the once-in-a-lifetime view (or whatever). Maybe this would not be universally well received. We are planning on buying some "proper" stuff with the money but not sure when and can't leave thank-you cards for that long...already getting uncomfortable as it is.

I think that's a nice idea Footlong. Whereas I'm happy to give money and don't necessarily question what it's going towards, it's always nice to know that the couple have done something specific with it. Can you think of certain things you did on your honeymoon that you wouldn't have done without the extra money (a little white lie wouldn't do any harm here even if it's not true!).

"Dear Auntie Betty,

Thank you so much for your generous gift for our wedding. We put it towards [insert stupidly expensive activity here] that we have always wanted to do. I've enclosed a picture of us enjoying the [activity]."

Perhaps cheesy but on ours we wrote ' thanks you for your monetary wedding gift - it is very much appreciated and going towards making our house a home'.

And how lovely it was to see them at the church / wedding / evening party whatever.

Really?!? You would think less of a friend/family member because they used a little poem in their invite?? Even if you find them crass and annoying, surely its not a reason to think less of somebody?? How is it insulting towards your intelligence? Surely its just meant to be a fun way to ask for a donation to something they want?

What difference does it make if people would like a 'glorified holiday' or a 3 piece suite?? Its a donation towards something which the newlywed couple would like to enrich and enjoy the beginning of their life together in some way and their wedding guests choose to do it for this couple because they love them.

It suited us perfectly - and you can read all about it on our wedding website if you want to.

Would you be happy if someone asked for money to pay off their credit card bill, or something else equally mundane?

I have no doubt it did. But if you think it was just another holiday, you didn't have the honeymoon we had....

I dont understand why you dont mind asking for money towards things for your house but not for anything honeymoon related. Oh, wait a minute....

hahaha!

how about the "get what your ruddy well given or bugG3r all" camp teee hee hee!

We originally planned for people to be able to pay directly into our honeymoon as so many companies offer this, however, we have paid our honeymoon and if people want to give us cash then by all means we would very much appriciate a kind gesture like that but are not expecting anything at all !

As to the honeymoon being a 'glorified holiday' then we are way off with ours, we are doing something that we would not in a million years spend that sort of money on. This is a once in a lifetime trip away, and we are making the most of it we can.