Things people say by default that cheese you off

When people find out what I have studied/qualified in (but not yet practicing (Law)) - they always ask me some random legal question - either about their lesbian sister who wants to split up with their partner, the problem they had with their great-granny's will or how I could possibly want to defend someone who I know is guilty. They don't even know which areas I want to practice/have studied so I get asked about any legal thing that pops into their head.

When I did my Psychology degree, the standard comment was 'Ooh, don't go analysing me though. I bet you're doing it now aren't you?' Used to drive me mad.

Now I'm a Hypnotherapist the comment is always either 'Look into my eyes' or 'Bet you couldn't hypnotise me'. So predictable and very annoying.

I get annoyed by my BIL every time I say no to an alcoholic drink/eight glass of wine.

"Why, you upduffed?!"

Because that's the only possible reason people don't drink isn't it? I don't just want one you loser.

[don't think it helps that H and I are having problems in that area that they don't know about, but still...]

I worked on the development of viagra and whenever anyone found out at the time they would ask if I could get them some - usually with a hearty laugh alongside their request. When I pointed out that I didn't need to know about their sexual dysfunction they were less amused by themselves though.

When I was pregnant with my second child, people (knowing I already had a boy) would invariably say "so you'll be hoping for a girl then this time?"

And then since I've had my second boy, people have said to me "oh will you be going for a third to try and get a girl then?"

Grr.

Ouch - you must want to smack him. Poor you.

Glad to say I've not done any of these so far!

Not so much something that is said by default, but something that is done.

It winds me up when I'm having a conversation with someone I don't know (lets, say at work for example as I work with the general public) and I'm doing fine until I struggle with one word or something where I'm forced to explain and apologise that I'm Deaf, bare with me. And the automatic thing the person does is "over-mouth" (there is a better term but I can't think of it) every word from that point on in such a patronizing way. I do appreciate it's well meaning but it makes it much harder to lip read, plus we were doing just fine when we were talking before, why just because now you know I can't hear, do you start talking at me differently?

<snort> That one's really made me laugh ? that's exactly the kind of smarty-pants comment I really struggle not to make.

Ooh another one - if the baby's crying someone will say "aw, is he hungry".

No he isn't you fucker. Do you not think I've had the common sense to remember to feed my own child?

Them: What do you do?

Me: I'm a teacher.

Them: Primary or secondary? (or sometimes, "What age?")

Me: Secondary.

Them: Oooo, you're brave!

?

This hacked me off too.

That annoys me too. And if I don't know the answer they just assume I am dim, rather than it's just an area that I don't know about!

When people make some comment about "ooo, I bet your boss Richard wouldn't like that" or "I'm friends with your boss Richard". Well guess what, Richard Branson doesn't give a flying fuck about Virgin Atlantic these days unless it's generating media interest in himself, and if he is a friend of yours what on earth are you doing sitting down the back in economy.

I hadn't even thought about the work-based ones.

They: what do you do?

Me: I work for <insert name of large, troubled financial services institution>

Them: Right, can you tell me if I'm getting a good mortgage deal?

Me: I could try, but as I work in corporate project management and only ever set foot in a branch to do my own banking, I wouldn't have the first frickin idea ?

OR

Them: so what's caused the credit crunch?

Me: Robert Peston. Or I could actually try and explain credit default swaps, derivatives and LIBOR lending to you and you would die of boredom long before I did...(or maybe not ?)

This! Or sometimes "I couldn't do your job". Once said to me by a nurse doing my smear at the time. I thought "well, I have to put up with stroppy kids but I've never stuck anything up someone else's fanjo at work, so there's a bonus."

waaaaaaaaaaah ?

If I say I'm veggie and my husband is veggie too, people always say "oh, did you make him go veggie then" as if I am some kind of bossy controlling type who would force him to go without meat - I don't care what he eats, that's his decision, and we decided to go veggie independently of each other.

If I say I studied sociology, people tend to say "are you very sociable" or "did you want to be a social worker".

If Mr Caterpillar tells people he studied Maths, they tend to go "wow" and then say "oh I hated maths at school" or ask him to work out a hard sum!

When my H introduces me to people and I get "oooh, are you a Geographer too?" Erm, no. Why do you assume that I have exactly the same profession as my husband?

And when people meet me walking my dog and automatically assume he's a she. OK, he's a Cocker Spaniel and I'll grant you the ears might confuse you if you're a bit stupid but he's definitely a male. Why do I always get "aw, isn't she lovely?" when I have the manners to always ask a fellow dog-walker "is it a boy or a girl" BEFORE I comment on how lovely it is. Grrrr.

My favourite work one is 'ooooh, i bet you took the job so you could look at all those hunky men in uniforms all day!'

well obviously i did. shame they haven't invented a radio you can look through yet isn't it?

Yes, I get that from people from Mr Caterpillar's work "do you work in IT too?" errr... no

Then when I say what I do for a job (social research) they always look at me all confused...

When I used to tell people I worked for an airline, most people assumed I was a flight attendant (not that there's anything wrong with that but I wasn't).

It used to really annoy me - so I would respond with "actually I'm a First Officer on 777s".

<I was really Corporate Sales Manager but that's not the point ?>

I think it's occupational hazard tbh, I get a lot of 'I know where theres some contaminated land in your district' Which is usually news to me cos I'm the one who decides if it's contaminated.......

And everyone assumes I met OH at his work, (never mine I notice) when I'm obviously a Mackem and his accent is complete Geordie, so why assume we both work in Wallsend?

Two very specific work ones:

When people find out I work for the DVLA, they always say "Oh can you get rid of my points for me?" or "can you find out where my licence is?" or try to ask me a question - despite the fact that I work in IT and have nothing to do with the customer side of the business.

And also - "Oh, my neighbour works there - do you know him, he's called John?". Erm, no, there are 6000 people who work there so very unlikely.

I'm veggie too and it winds me up when people say 'but you eat chicken though?' ?

This annoys me so much too - you can guarantee everyone you meet says that the first time you tell them what you do. They then look at me like I'm stupid when I say the kids are great and I can't understand why people have such a mentality about secondary school kids.

I had a similar thing when on my placement year, I worked for one of your competitors on a competitive product (Cialis) in QA and the amount of questions I got about how we tested it were unbelieveable

And in fact about how I test the drugs in general even now... Oh yes because of course drug companies test their products on their staff....

Background - H is a plumber, this evening we found we had no hot water and it can't be fixed until we can get a new part which would be tomorrow at the earliest...

This evening, upon asking my parents if I could shower at their house in the morning before I go Christmas shopping, my dads hilarious comment of "do you need the number of a good plumber?"

Ha-bloody-ha-ha.

To answer the OP properly, any time I mention my H is a plumber I get the inevitable "ooh I bet you two don't do too badly then" or "at least you can get hold of one when you need one then!" or my all-time favourite "does he come on time?". Very witty.

'It'll be your turn next' if I go anywhere near a baby. The fact that hopefully it's not that far off actually makes it MORE annoying.

'If you wait till you can afford it you'd never do it/You make do somehow' if I say we're waiting till we're more financially sorted before doing the baby thing - why is trying to do the sensible thing and put some money away for maternity leave something people want to stop us doing?

And the worst of all 'Smile - it might never happen!' - how do you know it hasn't? And even if it hasn't, I don't have to walk along with a rictus grin on my face all the time.

I'm getting this one a lot at the moment. I'm 6 months pregnant.

Them: Do you know what you're having?

Me: Yes, but it's a secret.

Them: Oh, can't you just tell me?

Me: Er... No.

It wouldn't be a secret if I told every Tom, Dick and Harry would it! Made more annoying by the fact it's usually a fellow teacher or an obnoxious student.

I also get the 'you're brave' comments when I mention I teach secondary. But to be fair, I also teach primary and I get the 'Oh, I couldn't be doing with all that nose wiping', which I find equally ridiculous.

I am guilty of the teacher comments, as my Mum was a secondary teacher before she retired and moaned about how hideous it was for years so I always believed her ?

I hate the "You're vegetarian? What do you eat?" comments.

I work as an IT trainer (until next week!) and people always look at me like I'm barking when I tell them. Not sure why!

A couple spring to mind:

I have very curly, very long, very red hair and am constantly asked "is it natural?" Well yes, but that's hardly the point- it's not hugely tactful to ask me that, surely? And would they still ask if I had less, shall we say, noticeable locks?

Upon hearing my occupation as was (I am an auctioneer by trade)- "Ooooooooooh, do a bit for us!" or "can you value the contents of my aunt's house?" even though I auctioned modern goods, not antiques.

Just thought of another: "Aren't you tall?" Am I? Good job you said, I hadn't noticed!

I get really irritated when people fing out that my h is a software developer. The usal response is "ooh whats it like be married to such a nerd/ someone so brainy" I do the same job dammit.