This is going to be contraversial....

Yes you can.

Despite anyone elses views on whether it is the right thing to do or not - you can still decide that this is right for you - it is your wedding!

Just make sure you are aware that those with young children may not come if they are unable to find alternative childcare. Especially if people like their mum are also invited to the wedding.

I personally want children included in my wedding, but I totally understand the reasons why this may not be right for everyone.

If you dont wants kids at your wedding then dont have them. You do however run the risk of this woman not coming as she may be breastfeeding.

If thats what your decision is then no one can say you are wrong, its your wedding afterall. however a 4 month old baby will cause no problems, they are alot easier to deal with than older kids. if we were in your situation id invite them and talk to them nearer the time about the baby, explain you're worried the baby would cry alot etc and ask if this happens during the ceremony or speeches would they mind talking the baby for a little walk or something so you arn't interupted. anyone in their right mind would do this anyway, id never remain in a church with my kids if they were kicking off, id take them out straight away.

and personally i would not leave my 4 month old baby to attend a wedding. if she breastfeeds its very unlikely she would or could come anyway but i couldnt leave such a young baby.

i think you're lucky you are in this situation that no other friends have babies and could maybe be a little more relaxed about it but it is your wedding like i said!!

Personally I dont like it - I think weddings are all about family, friends extended family etc but I know it has been done and I dont think it's that much of an issue to people. You just have to expect some people to decline because they might not be able to find a sitter.

Funnily enough two of my friends were nervous about asking if they could bring their babies so I think people with small children may think twice before bringing them anyway.

We did and only one couple aren't coming through lack of babysitting. We have broken the rule for a close friend who will be breast-feeding a six month old (although they are not staying for dinner). If other people who have left older children with babysitters can't differentiate between that and their own children, tough.

I have no problems with a child free wedding if that's what the couple want.

Given enough notice there aren't many people that can't leave their child with a relative or babysitter for one night, although if you're happy to accept that some people just won't come if they can't bring their children, then I say go for it.

One thing you can't do is allow some to bring children and some not, it's got to be an 'all or nothing' decision and stick to it, despite the no doubt plenty of emotional blackmailing that may occur from some people.

We did. We had our neices and nephews and my cousins two children. No other kids were allowed and no issues arose.

We had children of the bridal party and immediate family only, with the exception of 2 babies under 6 months. This was more due to space rather than not wanting them there.

As it happens, one of the babies didn't come (grandmother was local so she popped in to breastfeed and then left again!) and the other was so quiet that we didn't notice her anyway.

If you have a flat no babies/children rule then you will need to accept that people might not come as a result.

Hi

i totally understand about babies and small children, if i had my way my wedding would be a child free wedding.....but my sister has a one year old and i could never get away with asking her to not bring her, she would disown me and never speak to me again.....however a friend of mine had a child free wedding and noted that on invitaions she highlighted the fact its adults only wedding and said that you will have a better time not worrying about little ones, made out it was more beneficial to the parents about it being adults only....

hopefully if you word it correctly you shouldnt get any uproar, just remember its your wedding and i wouldnt want a baby crying during the vows either as the attention would be on the baby crying lol

hope it goes ok. xx

We said it as we had about 30 under 7's (most of which were boys) and nobody has said anything to our face about not liking it - majority of the parents have said they would be delighted for an excuse for a night out without children. We let people know nearly a year in advance with the save the date information so they had plenty of time to find a babysitter and although one friend has now had a baby who will be 3 months old for the wedding they are still very much coming but I know they will be there for the bare minimum (they haven't said it but it makes sense) so I imagine they will do the service and dinner then scarper discretely. This particular couple weren't pregnant when we sent the save the date stuff though so we had already put it out there before it became an issue so it might be different as in your case she is already preggers. The other option I saw at a wedding earlier this year is to put something like "with the exception of X there will be no other children at the wedding. We hope you understand" where X was the brides 2 year old nephew.

Good luck

I'm not against having children at weddings (we've got 4 coming that i know of because they are part of the wedding party, ranging in age from nearly 2, 4, 6 and 8) I'm very into family and that includes the little ones. So we won't be saying to people that you can't bring your kids as i think it's a decision that they have to make themselves, if they don't think they would enjoy the day if they'd brought their kids, then they should look for babysitters.

That said, everyone is different, and some people just don't like the idea of having kids at weddings. It's your day as everyone else has said, so it's up to you!

We had no children at our wedding and this caused no issues with guests. I spoke to everyone who had children before the invites went out so that they knew. Everyone came and they said it was great to have a day/night out which they could fully enjoy without worrying about their child.

However none of the people we inivited had very young babies. I think the youngest was about 10/11 moths old. They were invited to the evening do and her mam lived near here so could babysit. We also had another couple whose baby was that age but luckily his parents lived near to where we had our reception so they babysat and the couple were able to stay there so didnt have to leave the baby overnight.

It is your wedding and you need to do what is right for you, but as the others have said with a baby as young as 4 months the mother may not attend, due to breast feeding and possibly worrying about being apart from her baby. I don't have children (yet) but I htink I would probably be worried leaving a baby at 4 months old (but thats just me and lets face it I really have no idea how Id feel at that point)

read that as the grandmother did the breastfeeding!

yes you can. because we arn't inviting kids because if we invited everyones we would be inviting 60. so we are inviting our own...obviously. and our sisters kids. we are making 2 exceptions, my cousins kids cos they live in london and cant come without the kids and i want him there. and my friends kids because she adopted recently and isnt allowed to leave the little girl. so its a case of she comes with them or doesnt come at all. well shes one of my best friends and if somebody else whos kids arnt invited has an issue with our decision i would love them to approach me.

weddings are a family occasion but everybodys circumstances are different so you cant say any way is the right way and another is the wrong way

we havent put in our invites that kids arn't invited, we just havent written the kids names on invites

Im not having children to my church or sit down meal only my 2 boys. This isn't because I dont want them but purely because my brothers and sisters (im 1 of 5) have quite a few children between them and so does my friends. I knew I could'nt have one without the other and I simply didn't have the money. However all children are invited to the night and im going to do little things especially for them(candy buffet,lots of balloons etc) I felt extremly guilty about this and was dreading telling family and friends, however everyone thought it was great as they could all enjoy the day and their meal then collect the children later. Id even considered postponing wedding until a year later to save up more money but luckily it turned out well xx

I agree with everyone else.

It's not right for me and our wedding (We are a close family and have 2 dear nieces and a nephew) but if it's right for you, and your happy with it then go with it.

I'd also agree with Purple Rain, in that effectively by doing this, you are most likely forcing the above couple you mentioned to decline due to uncertainty/potentially breast feeding etc, but, if your happy with that - then again, go with it. Then again, you could be giving them a much needed excuse to have a night out alone (again, I don't know whether the couple have childcare available/would want to leave their child even if they did etc).

Stranger things have happened... ?

Like EES, is up to you, but be prepared for the parents to say they can't come because of it.

My opinion is that I completely get why people choose to have a no children rule at their weddings when their friends and family have lots of children. But unless there are venue restrictions I don't see the problem in having one baby there. There are 4 children coming to our wedding (aged 18mnths-3yrs) and I'm really not bothered if they cry during the ceremony (although I don't think they will) because I know their parents will be nice enough to take them outside until they've settled down.

It really is your choice though.

Without having read the other responses, I personally think that if the mother is breast-feeding then you need to bend the rules a bit.

We originally had plans to have no other children apart from our neice and nephew. We couldn't not have them, there would be uproar, but we're including them by appointing them ring-bearer and flower girl.

We explicitly said no to everyone else's children, for numbers mostly.

However, one of my friends had her baby last month, which means she'll be three months by the time of the wedding. As she's breastfeeding, if baby couldn't come then that would mean she wouldn't be able to come. We tactfully broached the subject of her older, 3 year-old, saying that we would be put in an awkward position as we'd said no to the other guests' children. My friend had already pre-empted this and had already 'booked him in' with grandma.

I think its up to you at the end of the day its your wedding day. But I think you could maybe make an exception for the breastfeeding mother.

We will have my son and daughter who will be 3 days of being one, and 2 and a half, and then my partners little girl who will be 3 and a half, then we will have my cousins (3-16) about 10 altogether.

Kids are part of our family, and our extended family and couldnt imagine having the day without them xx

We decided from the start that we were not going to have children at our wedding. There are many reasons why we decided on this.

Everyone was made very clear on this line right from the start. This is a very important issue, and can cause issues so make sure everyone knows where they stand, remember it's your day.

We'll just say that since we annouced that we were not having children my brother's girlfriend found out she is expecting, (the baby would be 8 months when we marry) and the rule still stands, and they have been perfectly fine with it.

Due to limited numbers for the sit down Wedding breakfast we have only invited 9 children during the day (close friends and families children). However if a friend or family member had a baby between now and then, we wouldnt stipulate that they couldnt bring the baby, as others have said breast feeding takes precedence and a small baby wouldnt be any trouble at all.

I'm not sure it's fair to base the decision wholly on whether the mother is breast feeding or not. I wasn't able to breast feed due to medical reasons with my son so does that mean I wouldn't have been able to take him when he was 4 months old?

There's no way I would have left my son with anyone when he was 4 months old anyway and would have politely declined the invitation explaining the reasons. When he was 13 days old, we took him to a wedding and sat at the back of the church near the end of a pew so we could make a quick escape if he cried. There was another child who cried and babbled during the ceremony and no-one minded. We didn't go to the wedding breakfast (as when the RSVP date came around, we didn't know whether we'd be at home with him or not). We went back in the evening for a bit and he didn't make a peep.

We also went to an 'adults only' wedding towards the end of last year. The B&G had spoken to everyone who had children before sending the invitations and made it clear on the invitations that it was an adults only event. However when we got there, there were 2 children but they were the Groom's niece and nephew so obviously they had to go. It probably would have been better if they'd said they weren't having children outside the family though as they had made a big point of saying NO CHILDREN.

Personally, we are having children at our own wedding. We have a 2 year old and several of our friends and families have children. We're having around 8 children ranging from 11 months to 10 years old. If they cry, it's not the end of the world.

In response to the OP, you're never going to make everyone happy but if you've decided you don't want children at the wedding I think you need to decide whether it's more important that this couple are there or whether you can make an exception. It shouldn't be an issue in terms of your other guests who don't have children anyway though. Is there a particular reason you don't want a 4 month old there because like someone else said, they're a lot easier at that age!

We're including in our "order of the day" that children and mobile phones should be switched to silent before the ceremony begins.

I'm sure our guests will take it as the humour it is intended, and act accordingly should their little darlings decide to start wailing at an inopportune moment. Our guests want to hear the ceremony and speeches, not darling Tarquin.

Sorry, think my comment came out wrong. I meant that if a family member of friend had a baby- under say 10 months old, then that would be fine for them to bring him/her. Young enough for them to be breast fed or bottle fed etc, without having to worry about extra expense of meals and limited space. Plus I think for us, we would consider if and when it happened. Most of our friends do not have children and the ones that do are invited anyway.

We sent out notes saying 'due to numbers we are unable to invite any children to the day apart from family members.' There will be 9 children there ranging from 5 months to 10 years. I feel it is a family celebration so they should be included!

Most friends are not bothered their children aren`t coming at all (one even said thank god for a day off!) One has said can he come to the evening as they can only have a babysitter for the day! Which is random but fine with me!

I believe on your wedding day, you have to do it your way and make it as perfect as you want it to be.

We will be having children there, but that is because my younger brother will be 5, and i will have a one and half year old nephew/niece, also my best friends will be 2.... however if none of these existed then i would be tempted to say no babies or small children.

I'm still considering this for night time, as i think all parent's will deserve a drink and a boogie without having to look after their little ones, but it's hard to get this across without been offensive.

Alot of our cousin's have little one's.. but none of us are that close, and like i said above if i didn't have close little one's around then i wouldn't bother.

As long as they stay quiet during the ceremony ill be happy, and im going to make every child a little box/bag up with colouring books, reading book, little toy, etc to keep them entertained during the meal.

Also do the same amount of courses so they don't get bored waiting for the grown up's to finish eating.

xxx

Our wedding was gona be a kiddie free one- but i really wanted my best friends kids to be part of the wedding and are flowergirl and pageboy and i will have my 9yr old nephew- apart from these 3 it will be a kiddie free zone.. i have quite a few friends who have small ones but i have only invited the couples

We didnt have children and that was in no way meant as a slight on our friends and family members parenting ability, I do like all of their children. But for us our wedding was an adult affair neither of us wanted children there, and so we didnt invite them. No one took it offensively and they more than understood, every single one of our friends and family with children came and most stayed over night as well.

We all have different ideas of what we want our wedding to be like and ours just did not include children. I refuse to think that this was wrong of us the same way that I refuse to think it is wrong to have children at a wedding, it is the bride and grooms choice, not to be taken personally.

When I first spoke to my friends (who have kids themselves) they asked if we were having kids - I said no and they were very happy to have the weekend off!!

Sometimes I do wonder why you've invited any children AJ ?