Tips for newly weds

As they haven't lived together before. First and foremost I would advise them to set the ground rules re chores - who does what.

Mr Koshka and I didnt' live together either before the wedding. When we first started sleeping in the same bed I used to whack him with my arms as I was so used to sprawling out in my own double bed.

Any sort of tips- from how to get on with living with someone for the first time to your tips on compromise.

They've only been together 2 months so its a bit of a whirlwind romance!

Top tip given to me by a Midwife, they can't get cross about what you're thinking so think it don't say it

Their circumstances are so different to ours I'm not sure whether I can contribute any helpful advice - we got married last year after 10 years together, 9 of which we lived together. In a way I am a little jealous of them, they'll have that proper newlywed honeymoon period.

I think the thing about setting ground rules is probably a good one. If you start as you mean to go on it's much easier than realising 11 years later that you've been too soft....... ?

hmm, difficult one.

I think I would say never go to bed on an argument, (unless its for good angry sex ?)

Keep a little bit of your life seperate. By that I mean, keep your friends and still see them as you did when you were single. Still do the things you enjoyed when you were single, hobbies/shopping whatever.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. If something bothers you then let the other know before it festers into something big.

Set goals for your life together. It doesn't have to be set in stone, but always be working to something. It might be a job role in the future, a house move, a holiday destination or planning for a family. Whatever it is, its always good to have an idea of where you want to be in 5 years.

Not sure if that was the sort of thing you were after but hope it helps anyway.

I think my own advise would be

* to have time out from each other, be it seperate nights out or have your own hobbies away from each other. Yes, you're married but you're still you and still have your own interests.

* Another tip would be no matter how long you are married, once a fortnight, organise a date night. Put it in your diary and its time with each other, don't postpone. Get dressed up and enjoy each others company away from kids and other distractions- could be a walk, a meal, a drink at a pub or a takeaway.

All are fabby tips-thanks keep them coming!

I could be uber twee and make a scrap book with them in ?

That sex may be very disappointing, try before you buy.

Why don't you get people coming to the wedding to contribute tips, and put them together in a book? My friends mum did that with recipes, so my friend had a huge book of recipes to start married life with. Which was great as she used to make the weirdest things when you went to dinner before she was married - once we had pasta with a tin of celery soup tipped in it!

Ginger: You dont know if you've got nothing to compare it to though ? Mr Koshka was the only person I slept with (and him me)

??

Tell them to buy the biggest bed they can afford, and lots of fluffy pillows and soft throws. If they haven't shared a bed before they need make sure it's a nice place to be.

I think you might, you may have struck lucky! ?

Agree with both of these completely.

Also, don't have any expectations and take it all one day at a time. And if things get rocky, just calmly and reasonably talk through things, things can get so blown out of proportion sometimes. Also enjoy all the good times aswell.

Thats what my grandad said to me ?

I can't imagine not knowing what i was getting.

Maybe another tip would be to buy a good sex manual and learn together. If he's anything like my mate who was 25 before he lost his virginity, he had spent so many years watching bad porn that he truly believed everyone had sex like that, every time. His chatting up techniques and lack of foreplay were apparently laughable.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

Ooo the book might be a good idea- i could pass it round at the reception, getting guests to write their hints/tips in for a happy marriage and healthy relationship and give it to them as part as a present.

My parents have been together since they were 13, I asked mum how she managed it

She told me all healthy relationships involve a fair amount of ignoring- ignoring the little bad habits, and little things that will become a big row if you mention them.

She also says she has her own side of the conversation in her head, so if they are 'discussing' something in her head she hears my dad saying 'Bloody hell you're gorgeous, and you are always right, I should just listen to you, you are right you are right you are right'

She also says life has become much easier since dad's hearing has deteriorated as when he doesn't have his hearing aid in she can call him names and moan at him without him hearing, she feels much better for getting it off her chest and he is non the wiser.

?

Her main advice is to marry your best friend.

Hope that's not the sex book idea ?

Not disagreeing with Flaming Nora's suggestion. I've just come over all 'Carry On' imagining the guests drawing their favourite tried and tested positions into the book!

Not the sex book- its bad enough thinking/knowing that my brother snogs I dont even want to think about him having sex-eww.

No, the nice book and getting guests to write in their "hints and tips for a happy marriage"

I thought that for a few seconds too ?

Nicky and Sila Lee's Marriage Book is exxxxcellent. It puts a Christian angle on things that both H2B and I really appreciated.

They run courses (organised by the same people who do the alpha course) up and down the country, and as someone who hasn't live4d with her future husband, I found it invaluable. A lot of the 'tips' here were discussed too.

Would it be wrong to suggest a shag before the big day? ?

Sorry, apart from saying 'dont do it !' I would never offer advice

love [cynical bitter eric] ?

I was going reccomend the Marriage Book by Nicky & Sila Lee too!

My H & I worked through 'Looking Up the Ailse' before we were married.

http://www.2-in-2-1.com/books/upaisle/

Tips:

Pray together regularly.

Talk about expectations for honeymoon/wedding night etc- I have a Christian friend who said this to us as she'd not expected her H to be ready on the wedding night itself! We found it realy useful to be aware of each other expectations.

I admire a couple upholding their religion and refraining before marriage - it must take so much restraint. Now that would be a proper honeymoon!

I was sooo tired after the wedding, I couldn't be annoyed for the 1st week.

After your suggestions and having a quick glance at it I've bought them The Marriage Book. Mr Koshka and I are just about to do The Marriage Course with a couple our age-its basically the same thing by the looks of it.

Thanks!

And thanks everyone else, for sharing your hints/tips and suggestions.

Someone told us on our wedding day, never let the sun go down on an argument. It's worked for us (so far!).

If she screams on the wedding night, it's more likely to be cos he's put it in the wrong hole than out of ecstatic pleasure.

Ahem. ? No seriously I would tell them not to expect too much of each other or to put each other on a pedestal, which might be easy for them esp after a whirlwind romance where they could be blind to each other's faults.

Mr M and I didn't live together before the wedding either. We did go for a weekend in Dublin, (in seperate rooms of course mum, if you happen to be reading... ?) but that was it.

I'm really not sure what tips I could give without wanting to sound like I didn't trust him to make a good job of it himself to be honest. ? I think if someone had tried to give me tips, I might have been a bit offended.

I should add that the odd tip of 'don't go to bed on an argument' is ok, I'm meaning sitting down with a list of tips, to me, isn't. Sorry. ?

As their relationship is still going to be very much in the "rose tinted specs" phase, I would just say -

argueing is normal,

you cannot agree with someone all the time,

as much as you love someone, there will be times when you want to stab them in the head (especially when hormonal)

Remember that your other half can't read your mind so don't assume that they know why you're cross/annoyed.

Discuss household chores (and check out how they live now). Someone who never cleans up after themselves won't suddenly start doing it.

Discuss attitudes to having children.

Discuss attitudes to money. Too late once married to discover your other half is a spendthrift/tightwad.

Don't be afraid to say you're sorry - don't wait for the other person to apologise.

Remember to thank them for doing the little things. Its surprising how appreciated it makes you feel.

Get two duvets, or a duvet that's bigger than the bed. Maybe even a big bed too. The little irritations of life are much easier to deal with when you've had a good night's sleep.

It's normal to want your own space, time on your own, your own interests etc. It's important to allow time and opportunity for this.

We have a duvet each- so much more civilised. We have a king sized bed but its still not big enough as I like to sprawl and so does Mr Koshka.