When would you expect to receive a Christmas Thank You letter by?

I thinks it's lovely that you got one as I'm gobsmacked at the number of weddings, engagement parties etc that I've not heard a peep from in terms of thanks yous (they all go to the effort of putting the gift list in with the invite though don't they ? )

However, when I was I child I had to write mine straight after Christmas so everybody would have have them in the first week of Jan. As a six year old I am sure I managed to write a couple of constructive sentences and sign my own name. In fact I know I could as at Christmas this year I was presented with a letter I wrote when I was 5 asking for the swings to be repaired at the local sports club!

CBH, I think you're being slightly unreasonable about receiving a card, but I would have expected a bit more input from the children.

We got a verbal thankyou from our nephew and niece when we gave them their Christmas presents. If we can't give the presents in person then we get a phone-call.

My parents bought my nephew and niece some sweets when they went to see my in-laws, and they got thank-you letters, as they didn't see the children in person and the children don't know them well enough to phone them up.

As a child, I used to hate having to do thank-you letters - especially since I knew I'd already thanked the person in question, usually several times as both my Mum and my Dad would propell me towards them on Christmas Day with a death-grip on my shoulder to make me say thank-you in person, not realising that the other parent had already done so.

Hmm I was never that into thank you cards but had to say thanks on the phone when I was little which I always felt really awkward about and even now I feel really odd saying thanks for things like gifts (though am good with every day thanks) - it just makes me feel awkward but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate things.

I've never received a written thank you for gifts I've bought children. In fact I don't think I've received many spoken ones either. If it annoyed me that much I wouldn't buy for the person anymore or wouldn't be as generous or thoughtful in the future so lack of thanks wouldn't bother me as much.

We haven't sent ours yet. We are hoping to do them this weekend, but things have been crazy busy with illness and visitors since Christmas that we haven't had the time to sit down and do them. If we hadn't been ill then they would have been done the weekend after new year.

I feel quite bad that we haven't sent them yet but I want to handwrite them and allow L to scribble (or we hold his hand and move a pencil over the paper), we are just finding it hard to find time around illness, work, household chores and sleep.

I don't expect to receive them at all.

You do sound like it's a big issue. Of course, the glaring difference between children and cats and dogs is that they are actually the same species as you, and you were actually a child not so many years ago.

Phobias aren't rationale so I realise that it's not a conscious decision but there's a difference between finding small noisy children difficult to be around in an enclosed space, and having an open and friendly attitude to receiving a card through the post even if you do think it's late.

I don't think anyone has suggested you're a child-hating monster but most people have suggested that your reaction to getting a thank you card is OTT and unreasonable - the issue is in your camp, not the children's.

This type of thing always seems to show up a big divide on Hitched.

<WP> We did wedding thank-yous because hanging around on here, I thought everyone did them (naively) and felt pressured to. We've been to 3 since and none of them have done them (couldn't give a flying wotsit), which makes me think Hitched people are much more fussed about this kind of stuff than my RL friends <WP>

Honestly, I think a phone call or a verbal thank you on the day is more than enough. I'd much prefer to be phoned by a LO for a little chat than a fake letter written by their parents 'from them' tbh. But that's just me, clearly.

In my truthful opinion, if you don't know the kids well enough to see them over the holiday period, or speak to them on the phone, or know whether they can write or not, I for one wouldn't be spending money on them!!

I'm 27 and my thank you cards are still sitting in my bag because I keep forgetting to post them. It's not that I'm ungrateful I'm just forgetful. It's the thought that counts though I would have thought, not the date they are posted.

It may not appear much time has gone in to it, but if you consider they may well have had 20 or so cards to do and then factor in the attention span of a 4 and 6 year old, I think that sounds like a reasonable effort to me.

Some four year olds can write their name, some can't. And maybe the 6 year old is learning about computers at school and wanted to sit and type them out on the computer? In which it's very thoughtful and sweet.

We've not done ours for our two year old yet. So shoot Me.

The way I was bought up we spoke to people on the phone to thank them for presents, and that would more than suffice. However, if it was someone we didn't know (a friend of mum's for example) then Mum would just pass on the thanks. I think its a little odd making kids write letters to complete strangers. Which is why I'm struggling with the fact that two of the letters I have to write are to people I've never met, friends of my MIL, who not even my husband has met. What exactly do you write, other than thank you for my present. (which were a load of shite, not that thats relevent as I'm sure you'll all tell me its the thought that counts hehe). Anyway, MIL keeps hassling me as to when I'm going to send these thank you letters to her friends which I find farcical really for several reasons:

A) I have never met these people so other than thank you, what exactly am I supposed to put in a letter to them.

B) why can't MIL just pass on my thanks to her friends, why does there have to be a letter at all? What is wrong with thanks being passed on?

C) a two year old can't write thank you letters, so I have to do it for her which seems to defeat the purpose.

Anyway CBH, I think its not so much your issue with children that is the problem, more that you seem to have a strange issues with written communications, I truly apologise if I'm wrong, really I do, but wasn't it you that admitted you checked all cards received and if they weren't charity cards then the sender would go down in your estimations somewhat?

Hear hear Buggins.

But what I want to know is, why are your MILs friends (who not even your husband has met - so not close friends) sending you presents??

I have no idea. I find it all very very odd R-A. MIL behaves as though Chloe is her own daughter so its probably rubbed off on her strange friends. Don't get me wrong, its a nice thought, but I wouldn't bother personally.

I've never met people who were bothered by this kind of thing, its not the way I was raised and its not the kind of people I have mixed with. You just said thanks in person, or on the phone, or your mum would do it when she spoke to someone "oh Buggins loved her pressies thank you!" kind of thing!

a) Thank you, hope you had a nice Christmas/day at our wedding/some other social occasion, we appreciate your generosity. Doesn't have to be an essay
b) Because if they've gone to the trouble, expense and thought of buying you a present, it's the least you can do. Passing thanks on is not acceptable IMO, who's to say the recipient actually said it in the first place anyway?
c)It sets a good example to them. Although they can't write the letter, I'm sure they can make some appropriate paint splodges and scribbles.

Sorry, but all those reasons really do come across as quite rude.

I think that says more about your friends than Hitched to be honest.

Well its just perception isn't it. I think you sound superior and stuffy. Horses for courses.

A) I know it doesn't have to be an essay but the OP was complaining about a letter being only a couple of lines, thats what I was answering to.

B) Whats rude about my MIL saying thank to her friends on my behalf? I don't understand how that is rude at all.

C) my child's manners are impeccable thank you. And its not an example I'm especially keen to set. I'm also not understanding how my previous C) is rude either? I'm not going to encourage my child to write letters to total strangers. Until she is a little older, I will do it myself to get MIL off my back. And of course, there are some people that we don't talk to on the phone (Grandad in Spain for example) that I do think I would like her to write to in the future. I'm not against ALL thank you letters, but I won't be encouraging her to write letters with meaningless trotted out thanks to complete and utter strangers.

Surely that's the same thing? ? All I said was Hitchers are more fussed by it than my RL friends - not that one is worse, or better, or more representative of 'normal people'.

CD:

As I said, this is an issue on which Hitchers are pretty divided and I think it's fascinating.

But nearly everyone on here has started their post with 'I was brought up to....' etc. Which is handy, as the people who will be giving you gifts will in the main be your families, so luckily their expectations of thank you letters will tally with your own.

It seems problems only arise either with friends (luckily my friends seem to share my views, what can I say, I've got good mates) or if, woe betide, you marry someone whose family do things 'differently' as poor B seems to have.

(Loving your smugness & superiority btw CD ?)

Smug and superior? It's called manners.

Anyway..... I didn't send one thankyou letter out on behalf of my daughter. Anyoen who sent a gift for her did get a thankyou though. As she gets older, I won't be telling her to write thnakyou letter for Christmas and Brthday gifts. I'll teach her to pick up the phone and thank everyone though. Unless, ofcourse she was handed the gift personally by the person. In which case, she'd have thanked them there and then.

That's your opinion, which is totally valid, but if you read the rest of this thread you'll see not everyone else agrees.

It is possible to have good manners without writing formal thank you letters to strangers.

And CountDuckula, its not the fact that you/your child/whoever writes letters that I'm saying is smug and superior.... I think its fine if thats what people want to do. Absolutely. I'm more referring to your attitude that I'm rude.

i've not done my daughters yet because I'm on my third heavy cold since christmas, am 6 months pregnant suffering with terrible back and pelvic pain, struggling to look after a toddler, in fact struggling to make sure there's even dinner on the table at night at the moment, so you see, thank you letters are the least of my priority and I simply cannot understand why it is not acceptable for me to say to MIL "oh would you mind passing on thanks to "stranger" for me". I'm really struggling to see how this is rude, and why you would deem me so for suggesting that was a suitable response. Surely you don't think my toddler who has poor speech should be ringing these people, or that I should call them, having never met or spoken to them in my life?

We sent out wedding present thank yous, more so we could tahnk them for making the effort to attend the wedding, than the present i guess. People came along way and we wanted them to realise we recognised that. I have never sent out TY cards/ letters/emails, ever for birthday or xmas presents . But as a child, my mum always put me on the phone to people to say thank you, even if it was my garbled talking as a toddler, and i still phone evreryone now, saying thanks for the presents.

FWIW, i dont think CD was being superior, she was saying that its manners to show thanks for people buying you gifts, and if it were me, i would prefer to say it myself to them, rather than passed through family members, after all they have bought YOU the present.

Buggins, i find it a bit odd that your child will accept the presents off said "strangers"?

She's 2! ?

And it sounds like 'Grandma' gave them to her anyway, as her parents have never met these people.

Buggins, the issue, i guess, is that people have bought you,your kids, whoever a present, and you dont think you should thank them personally? If you dont feel comfortable phoning them, than surely a letter is appropriate in this case.

Not sure what you mean Coralie? my child doesn't accept presents from strangers in her hands. These will be things sent to MIL to pass on to my child for example. We've never met nor communicated with these people. However, I don't mistrust my MIL's friends.

Are you saying I should and refuse to put them under the tree on the basis we dont' know these people?

I don't want them in the first place so its no great issue to me if we didn't get these gifts but surely that would be considerably ruder than anything posted about here.

"no MIL, we can't accept this gift from your best friend/strange old lady you looked after 22 years ago, please take it back to them and say we're sorry but we don't allow her to have gifts from strangers".

Sorry, i dont think i expressed particularly well what i was trying to say!!. buggins, seems to have a bit of an issue with writing to these people who gave her child presents cos they are strangers anyway. If it were me, i would be saying "and this is a present from grandma's friend". it was the continual use of the stranger comment i found weird. as in, if it bugs you so much, why accept them?

I don't think anyone's saying that there should be no thanks expressed, just about the mode of delivery.

It's interesting you say that about wedding TYs, I felt the opposite IYSWIM. I was already going to send them to people who gave presents, as we didn't open them on the day so couldn't say thanks directly. However it's the 'thank you for coming' ones I find a bit less important tbh. I did have fun making them all though!

I think you sound a bit ungrateful buggins tbh. by saying "i dont want these presents in the first place" is no reason not to express your thanks for them.

Buggins, personally I think you should tie your 2 year old child to a chair and make her write the following:

Dear random person I've never met,

Thank you for bizarrely sending a present to me.

Unfortunately it was crap so my Mum gave it to a charity shop.

In future, why not stick to giving presents to people you've met? Or failing that, do the Operation Christmas Child thing?

Thanks awfully

Baby B.

no.

What I am saying is this.

I do write thank you letters. i write them on behalf of my daughter.

I never write them from myself because i talk to the only people who ever buy me gifts.

I write them because I think I have to and not because I want to.

I have not done this years yet for reasons given above. I barely post on this site anymore, check how many posts a day I have, I don't have time to do ANYTHING. But they will be done.

I am saying that although I do what is expected of me in this case, it is not how I bought up, I don't know anyone who wasn't pleased to hear via a third party that a gift went down well.

I am saying that I think phone calls etc are adequate thanks in most cases, and if circumstances make it easier, I don't see what is rude about thanks being passed on.

I am saying that although i do all this, I find it all farcical as its just platitudes, my two year old doesn't know who mabel is, will never meet her, wasn't grateful for the toy for children who are ten years old and over and so therefore hasn't actually played with.

I cannot believe I am the only person who sits down and thinks, god what a waste of time this is, its so meaningless.

However, Grandad in spain who we never speak to because he doesn't like the phone, did send a lovely present to his grandaughter for christmas and I absolutely can see the point in a thank you letter to him.

Like Buggins, I have a similar issue with friends of my mother sending presents for my 1 year old. While it is lovely for other people to think of her / us, to be honest it's like getting a crap secret santa that you then have to organise time to sort out a thank you card for something that'll go straight to the charity shop / bin. Of course they'll get a card, but it jtakes time to organise with a toddler. It just feels like I'm encouraging the issue. I wish they'd just send a card, or buy my mother a Christmas present, as that's who they are trying to vicariously gift.