When would you expect to receive a Christmas Thank You letter by?

why would she do that? to call someone who has spent time and money on a present for someone, particularly one they have never met, a "random" is totally ungrateful. I think is a nice gesture. Maybe buggins should have a word with her mil, ask her to tell these "randoms" to stop buying the child presents. More to save these poor "randoms" money. but as a bonus it will save buggins getting these presents "she doesnt even want". then everyone's happy.

Well in therory coralie, I agree, that situation you oultined (presumably sarcastically) is the ideal situation.

However, is considerably ruder than just accepting and sending begrudging thanks don't you think?

Coralie:

The post was clearly sarcastic.

ETA: I thought the 'tie your child to a chair' bit would have been a dead giveaway.

It neednt be ruder at all. if you explained to your mil it was more for the benefit of the randoms rather than your benefit to save you getting cluttered with pressies your child didnt want and the subsequent thank yous, then, it neednt be.

whilst having an element of sarcasm, in all honesty I would speak to your mil about it if you dont want to continue getting these gifts. perhaps suggest they donate to a charity or something instead?

Buggins, I dont understand why you don't understand that many people (myself included) would not regard thanks through a third party as a thank you for a gift? If I gave a gift to someone I do like a thank you (by phone, text, in person, whatever), and passing on thanks via someone else is IMO not saying thank you. Probably because I would assume a) that the person who had received the gift didn't think it was worth the effort of doing anything themselves, and b) that the person who passed on the thank you could well be making it up to make me feel better.

Fair, enough, in your position I would take a while to get around to writing a thank you letter, but I wouldn't regard passing on thanks as equally good.

I do my thank-yous in early January - so I can remember who bought what! I usually just order a load of copies of a nice Christmas photo we've taken and write on the back of it; it's nice to send updated photos once in a while and it saves using extra paper etc. I'll teach C how to do it when she's old enough. I can imagine that between having young children who are unconfident with writing and the amount of presents they get these days, early Feb is good going ?. Some children do struggle on the phone - I guess a letter is easier in that respect - though your nephews' parents could have let you know a letter would be on the way, CBH. That would have been more polite.

Regarding someone's MIL's friends buying children presents....is it honestly that offensive? Some older people like to buy for children at Christmas (especially if they have none left to buy for in their own families). While it can be a pain trying tp store all these things, I always send thank-yous for them (though would consider passing on a thanks appropriate).

Ok clearly I'm a miserable old hag sat at home resentfully doing another chore I'd rather not be doing whilst the rest of you sit gleefully writing letters of praise, news, thanks whilst singing with joy at the wonderful good natured deed you are doing.

I admit it.

And Jellicle. it would very much depend on the person passing on the thanks for starters. MIL thanking a friend of hers on my behalf is acceptable I think.

However, to answer your question, i think I'm not getting it because I don't feel that way about gifts i send. I don't expect anything in return, never have, I would just as pleased to hear via a third party "oh so and so was delighted with the presents you sent and asked me to pass on their thanks" and it would never occur to me to be offended by that. I genuinely would jsut be pleased to hear it had gone down well!

But seriously, I never ever give gifts specifically, expecting thanks, I might expect the mum to say something next time I bumped into her, but i would never ever have the expectation that a child should be writing letters of thanks to me. I just don't operate that way!

Cripes, tis all getting a bit feisty on here, isn't it? Anyway, although it's slightly straying off the point, I too have very mixed feelings about friends of MIL sending presents to my children. It's getting even worse now I have 2. Oddly my mum's friends do nothing of the sort.

I feel dreadful but I've finally sorted them out to charity shop them. I can't help but feel it's a dreadful waste of money. my two don't have lots and lots of toys but they have more than two children still in nappies NEED, IYSWIM.

I'd love to say, donate the money to charity, I really would but I do think it would be appallingly ungrateful. so in a way I'm donating to charity myself by donating the toys.

actually MIL herself is the worst offender for overbuying (this Christmas I got my daughters one present each from her and she rocked up with a huge bag full to the brim of ones she wanted to give in addition - madness) so I don't think she'd understand or be too pleased if I asked her to have a word with her friends.

indeed, a neighbour of hers is having a really pricey dolls' house made for my oldest - when I expressed concern MIL shrugged her shoulders and acted like I was making a huge fuss. the fact that we have no room for this house or we don't want our two treated differently seems to fall on deaf ears. I feel awful raising the point though as it's v kind of the old lady to indulge my child. I think sometimes the older ones just 'fall in love' with a certain child and want to treat them, all very sweet but ultimately not that great for the child, I don't think....

I digress...

WSS.

Personally I write thank you notes, but wouldn't take umbridge if someone called or sent a text instead. But thanks via someone else wouldn't be any more polite than not saying thank you at all. In my opinion, obviously.

I have an old lady (someone my parents lived next to when I was a baby) who sends my kids a gift. Yes, it's not usually terribly apt, but it really is the thought that counts and personally I think she's the one person who most deserves a letter. I know she'll pour over every word and treasure it. Personally I think it's the least I can do.

What Jellicle said basically.

I do the thank-you cards with my childrens help, in the past my daughter has drawn a picture and I have copied it and made it into a card, or used a photograph, my daughter always signs from her and her brother. I have put in lots of effort in the past and I rarely if ever get any thank you cards for the gifts I send, even from the friends who recieve thank you cards from us!

My son's (age 7) thank you cards were only sent out last week. As he is 7 I had decided he could write the addresses too - it has taken over 4 weeks to do them all! With 2 parents that work full time and him going into afterschool club at least 3 days a week there is a limited amount of time.

I would be a bit put out if anyone was ungrateful and made a comment on the length of time it had taken us.

Mrs B - I agree how do you tell poeple to stop being so nice? I have the same "issue", MIL friends buying C presents, that are unsuitable. MIL would be mortified if I asked her to tell them to stop. It's just not done.

She then tells me to send a thank you card, last year I did as C's first Christmas, this year, have verbally passed on my thanks. Or text / phone if appropriate. I really have not got the time to brush my hair let alone write cards on behalf of my daughter. When she is old enough she will write them / make them herself. As I do think it important.

Rude for not sending them this year? maybe, if they stop sending them - to be honest great. Many of them have never even met C so why buy a present I dont get it. And as stated above MIL would not tell them to stop and be offended at the suggestion, and I dont know them to tell them.