When you got married...

I only had my sister as my BM, and I showed everyone her dress. I bought my wedding dress in my lunch break and tried it on at work and showed the girls in my old office, so I'm probably not best qualified to answer ?

I didn't keep it secret, didn't see any reason to. In fact I thought it was considered sensible to tell close family/friends so they don't show up in the same colour, which would look odd. I know my SIL might well have worn the same colour as our BM dresses if she hadn't known, as it's one of her favourite colours, and I think she'd have found it embarassing.

Mind you, I showed a few people pictures of my dress - work colleagues who were only invited to the evening do, but still, some people were quite surprised! In fact my shoes and tiara were delivered to work and I tried them on in the office - good job no customers came in at the time!

I didn't tell anyone what colour my bridesmaid dresses were, I just wanted to keep some things a surprise. It also had a lot to do with my aunties, one of whom found out some details of what we were doing and passed them onto her future DIL who copied everything and the other auntie who was desperate to know every detail so that she could tell EVERYONE. We changed all the details of our wedding after cousins wife copied and everything was kept top secret after that.

My bridesmaids didn't see my dress until the day, only my mum did, and I definitely didn't expect them to cry!

Hi July,

My BIL fiancee is doing the same thing. No one is to know the colour of her dress, BM dress or what the suits are like. My H is best man and he doesn't know and won't know what the colour/style etc of the suit is he'll be wearing unitl he puts it on that morning.

She wants everything to be a surprise.

When it was us getting married back in September everyone knew that the BM was in red, I was in ivory and H was in a silver kilt with black shirt/jacket/waistcoat.

I was wondering if its a Scottish thing though because of all the weddings I've been to in Northern Ireland we've never known any colour/theme detail, but in Scotland guests know the wedding colours. Once my invitations went out my mum had calls from my aunts and other guests etc asking what the wedding colours were so they knew to stay clear of those colours.

ETA - We only told people the colours, no one saw the dresses or my H's kilt they just knew the colours, but then no one asked to see a pic of the BM dress/kilt, if they had I would have shown them as I showed them on the WP forum.

What do you mean 'copied everything'? I don't understand.

I didn't keep colours a secret - BMs or my own. The only thing I kept limited to who saw was my dress, but that was the only thing.

I didn't 'hide' what my BM was wearing. No one was particularly interested really. I had 2 flower girls who wore white with a blue sash, & I was quite open about that. I also had a picture of my BM in her dress on my phone & was happy to show anyone who aksed the picture. Same with my dress, although it was a picture on the hanger rather than me in it.

Like I said, no one really asked so it wasn't an issue. I certainly wouldn't have got all bridezilla about it! ?

No I didn't keep it secret. Don't know why you would really.

Sorry I didn't explain that very well. We had our wedding booked for a year before cousin and his wife got engaged and booked theirs in for 6 months before us. That wouldn't have bothered me, but they then went on to use all of our ideas that had been discussed with my auntie. Flowers, cars, they even tried to book the same church but couldn't because weren't in the parish and the same reception but it was booked up. So I was more careful after that with our ideas.

I've calmed down about it now, but when she wore her wedding dress to our wedding and requested her first dance song I was a little pissed off ?

Me too - if people asked I shared the info, but no-one was that interested they they were trying to find out information to spread round or steal my ideas. Cheesy as hell but all that mattered to me really was marrying Rich [vom icon]

See, I just don't see why people think that it matters whether the colour scheme is a suprise or not or indeed if anybody else has the same sort of thing.

As a guest at a wedding I don't spend the weeks leading up to it with butterflies of excitement in my tummy wondering what colour they could possibly have chosen for their bridesmaids. I'm much more interested in how happy the bride and groom look and seeing friends and family.

Perhaps I just don't get it. I'm not good with suspense at the best of times. Most people had seen my wedding dress prior to the wedding and I can't say it affected the day in any way whatsoever.

I told anybody who wanted to know anything that they wanted to know ?

I live in Scotland , so I don't think its that. I've never noticed it (not letting people know the colours) but I've never been that close to anyone involved to talk about it. tbh I'm not that interested, it was something to ask, when talking about the wedding. I just found it really strange that it was so top secret. ?

My SIL never wanted anyone to know what colour her BMs were or anything (and I mean *anything*) about her dress. So much so that as my Mum was making the dress, my Mum had to make sure her bins were emptied of threads and offcuts when any of the family visited the house: nightmare!

My SIL wanted a very plain dress, with a massive statement flower on the front. She asked a company about making a flower to match her dress, and they quoted her about £30-40. The dress was made, she went back to get the flower... and it turned out it was going to br £130! She came away broken-hearted. My Mum got on the phone to her Mum and said that she knew someone who could help her out (me!), but it would mean that a part of her dress was no longer secret. Her Mum said "well she doesn't need to know, does she? If it gets her what she wants..." I spent a weekend down at my Mums and made the most fantastic flower out of feathers, offcuts of the dress and silk organza, cutting out and stiffening fabric and leaving it to set wrapped around oranges stuffed in pairs of tights on the washing line. ?

She loved it, and to this day, has no idea.

Me? I just kept my dress a bit on the quiet. Didn't show anyone in real life apart from those who needed to know. Colour scheme was completely open - coast had similar dresses to my BMs in stock in an identical colour (I made my BM dresses) and so I figured people might want to shop there they might as well know what the BMs were wearing.

I'd say not unreasonable about the colour scheme/dress secrecy... but imho it's a bit OTT to ask why they weren't crying. ?

I didn't really mind telling anyone anything they wanted to know and was quite happy to show people pictures of my dress. TBH, most people didn't want to know about my dress as they said they wanted it to be a suprise (or maybe it was a polite way of telling me they weren't interested ?)

As for asking why they weren't crying, that's a bit loopy and would set off my nutter alarm.

I'm not sure if the comment about crying was said tongue in cheek but I can image (having met her) that it was said tongue in cheek but being totally serious.

Her wedding is going to sooooo different from everyone elses. ? I don't get these brides, because noone apart from the bride, groom (well maybe not) and parents are usually that interested. And to most, its just another wedding.

Hmm nobody really asked ?. In fact my H actually went with me to find another dress 2 weeks before the wedding ( long story)

It was'nt a super organised wedding anyway- and i was pretty chilled most of the time

? nothing was secret, but no one was that bothered.

I can see sooooooo much scope for *** ups if you don't even tell the best man what he's wearing, let alone take him to try it on ? Why would you do that? Why?

I told anyone who wanted to know what the BMs were wearing. Several people saw my dress before the wedding day. It didn't bother me.

Your mate sounds a bit barking tbh ?

My BM dresses were not secret at all. I told my husband and his best man/rest of wedding party because I thought they might want to know, and MrB and his best man had ties that were the same colour.

I think we even took a swatch of both mine and the BMs' dresses with us when me, MrB and his best man went suit shopping so he even knew what colour my dress was. I didn't actually show him the dress til the day and no one else saw it apart from my mum and dad (I sent my MIL a picture because she asked). otherwise I expected no one else to really care, tbh.

Anyone else who was remotely interested was told if they asked about dress colours but most people couldn't really give a toss, quite rightly. I still can't really understand people that make such a song and dance about weddings and so on... as if they're the only people who've ever got married!

I think this is what I did. I can't really remember, it was 5.5 years ago ? ie I never kept it a secret but I never really volunteered it till anyone asked. My dress, I did tell people it was ivory but then most people's dresses are I suppose! I don't think I went into detail about what it looked like though. People aren't interested, really. If they ask it's usually only out of politeness/trying to make small talk.

Tbh, though, I don't think it's the biggest bridezilla thing in the world to keep BM dress colours secret. But of course I suppose you then have to be prepared for people to wear colours that clash or are the same colour as the BM dresses. I couldn't be arsed but there are worse bridezilla sins (like stropping cos your BMs didn't cry when they saw you in your dress, for example ? ).

I remember going shopping for weddingy stuff and going into Berkertex, and there was a girl in with her mum and BMs looking for BM dresses, and they asked the girl in the shop if they could tell them what colour their brother's fiancee had picked as she'd picked her BM dresses from there and they didn't want to pick the same thing...girl went away and looked and said sorry, they'd been totally sworn to secrecy, couldn't let them know any info about the colours, styles or anything....bride looked quite upset and was saying "well how do I know what I can have then, if she won't give me any clues about colours or styles?" The mother blew a gasket and said "I've had enough of her and her bloody nonsense, you just pick what you like and it's tough luck on her if you pick the same".

I did tell people, I don't see the big deal. And truth be told, it was a good thing letting people know as it meant that MIL and other close people who were going to be in photos would be less likely to buy an outfit in the same colour.

In my experience the only people to give a flying *** about the colours of anything is the bride ?, and of course, not all brides are like that by any means. lets face it, no one else gives a toss what colour anything is. as a guerst my onl concerns are: there are no large gaps in the proceedings. there s enough food, and its good, ditto the wine and other booze. and that hte other guests are a good laugh. thats it.

I wish I'd said less about my dress because someone I'd told the colour (it was blue) blurted it out in front of H. I was furious. Obviously it didn't matter in the grand scale of things but the dress is at least meant to be a secret to the groom.

Anyone that asked was the told the colour of bridesmaid dresses. I had a couple of guests ask "so that they didn't wear the same colour".

People are weird with weddings. I still wish I'd buggered off to Vegas.

Weddings send people loopy. I was quite laid back about it, but had FIL on my case pretty much from the get go wanting to know everything and if I hadn't got a plan/idea he would tell me off and/or go and research it. I'd then get an email of what to do. It drove me up the wall.

When I tried to exert a bit of control I got told it was their day too and they had a "right" to the details. I ended up getting a bit peevish and keeping some minor details from them just so I felt I had some control!?

I would never plan another wedding again, I really wish we hadn't listened to everyone and just sodded off up to Scotland like we wanted to do at the start!

I didn't go around telling everyone the colour of the dresses, but if anyone asked, I would tell them. Most people knew my H was wearing modern pride of scotland tartan and a lot of the colours were based around that, so they were either going to be blue or purple anyway.

I was constantly told what a laid back bride I was, especially on the day. I was organised without being obsessive and everyone had a really good time except for MIL who was horrified that H's cousins turned up in untucked shirts and trousers and kept telling everyone I should have insisted on a dress code.

Same here ? Well, apart from the first dance song which for some bizarre reason I chose not to tell my friends when they asked. But they guessed anyway. I must be soooooo predictable ?

We had lilac BMs and Pride of Scotland kilts also.

I too was very laid back. I remember a girl at work was painstakingly researching flowers, and had magazines on every single aspect of the wedding as opposed to just general wedding mags. I, on the other hand, went to a cake/flower shop which my friend used, I didn't research other companies at all. And I was in and out the shop in 5 mins having chosen a cake and flowers ? They were quite gobsmacked, I just flicked through their book and said "I like that cake, i'll have those flowers, cheers" ?