Are your in laws involved in wedding planning?

Hi My in laws are paying for a car but thats about it. We are pretty much sorted and she just comments on how organised we are but they havent really contributed any ideas or suggestions so to answer your question no they are nor involved but i know there are a few people on her that are ahving a few problems with theirs.x

My in laws are lovely....but some of them have very clear ideas on what they want the wedding to be! Think it must be tricky for people, cos it's a fine line between interfering and not being interested...and my feelings about which side of the spectrum they're on can change from day to day, especially in stressful wedding planning moments!

In response to OP, me and H2B have kind of said that what we'll do is give them specific things to focus on, so one can research DJ, one can look at Invites...stuff that we're not that bothered about. This hopefully will mean that it's one less stress and that we can get to decide on the big things without them being offended as not being involved. So I wonder if that would work in your situation to kind of up her interest a bit? Like if you said 'we'd love you to be in charge of X', would she enjoy the responsibility and get a bit excited?

xxx

Mine aren't interested either, OH says they are and that they just don't want to interfere but I'm not so sure. So far they have moaned about the date, moaned about the cost of weddings and how it doesn't mean as much to people these days as it used to as it is all about show. I don't think I've heard them say anything positive, they are not the most social people so think they are dreading it I'm learning to not care and smile through gritted teeth....

My in laws are funding about a third of our wedding and we are very very grateful. They are interested in the planning but not very involved. They've got their own ideas, which are mostly outdated. Luckily they have only offered ideas and don't seem bothered if we've done something different. Perfect situation all round for us really - I'm very grateful that both sets of parents have allowed us (mostly) to get on with it ourselves.

I would like to ask the in laws to come to our food tasting, but that's reliant on the venue being able to do it at the weekend as the in laws don't live near us.

My inlaws helped quite a bit. They paid for the suit hire for fil and bil (the bil that was an usher). Fil made the wedding cake but didn't ice it (my aunt did that). They also paid for the church. They weren't "involved" as such (as in choosing colours etc) but were kept in the loop and they asked if they could help in anyway (hence fil making the cake) they were happy to pay for the church.

I get on really well with my in laws. They have kindly offered to pay for the evening reception and are always interested in our plans. We took them to all the venues we shortlisted along with my parents (and they get on well too).

They offer advice on things but they aren't offended if we don't take it up.

MY OH's sister is getting married the year after us so I think she gets a heads up on what we are looking at so she knows what to get involved in for her daughters wedding.

My in laws are nice people but they're not the most close and loving of families. They haven't asked anything, can't contribute anything and probably won't be involved other than to turn up! It's just the way they are though an me and OH are happy with it. Would be nice if they asked a few thins though if only to give me a chance to talk to weddings more often!

My future MIL and FIL and divorced and remarried/with partner and they're both great tbh. They're contributing financially (more so than my parents) so have a say in who we invite to an extent which I'm fine with and I will consult them on things but ultimately it's mine and my OHs wedding and we'll make the final decision. My MIL is a fussy eater so I've already had a conversation with her about the meal, just small things like that that makes them feel considered.

Their daughter is getting married next week so tbh their focus is on that at the moment and whilst they're paying for all her wedding they've not insisted on anything, she's been able to plan everything she wants.

The one with the pushy ideas will be my Mum! That's why I'll give her a job like favours and tell her to shush

Mine have said that they will give us some money towards the wedding but not sure how much. As for been involved with the planning, on the whole I've tried not to involve them as when we first booked the wedding they kept comparing costs to my H2B's two brother's weddings which were both lovely but done very cheaply at venues that we just didn't want for ours. We're not spending a fortune but we are spending more them however we don't have children and H2B's brothers have 3 each so I think if we were in the same boat as them we would have cut costs the same but decided to splash out a little bit to have it our way!! However, when I have tried to involve MIL in dress fittings and wedding fairs she always says no!!

My Inlaws are lovely, really lovely people. I am horrified when i read some of the stories on here about interfering and hard work inlaws. I just cant believe what some of the other brides are having to deal with. My OHs mum isnt bothered, isnt contributing, doesnt want to but that's the way she has always been about everything, including her only grandchildren. She isn't a horrible person, quite a sweet lady actually shes just a very into her dogs and her own little life.

My OHs dad and wife are paying for the suits hire, having my OHs specially suit made and paying for OHs 2 younger sisters Bridesmaid dresses, we never had to ask for this they insisted.

OHs nan has been hinting to his dad that she would like to contribute in some way and he's been asking about the cake.

They are really lovely about everything, I couldnt ask for better, they have been researching and showing me ideas but not so that I feel uncomfortable if i were to not like what they have found or feel like I have to have that. They have made it very clear that it is 'MY' day (not OHs hehe) and I can have whatever I want.

I honestly couldnt feel prouder to be taking on this families name, they are completely awesome on every level

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! And I want to keep it that way!! My OH wants my dress/hair/shoes/make up to be a complete surprise so that's my excuse for not telling my MIL anything about that. It also excuses me from telling future SIL as I know she would crack under questioning! In Laws aren't paying for anything & I'm quite happy planning with my OH so no need to involve anyone else. MIL is a 20 questions, got to know everything kind of woman so I know it'll drive her mad but she's also useless at keeping schtum & my OH knows it so doesn't want to tell her anything!

I get on really well with my in-laws and they're contributing the most money to the wedding (besides ourselves...we're paying for most of it!) giving us £1000

They've not really been involved in the planning though, didn't even think about this tbh and have felt a bit bad about it but not sure what I can do and if they were to ask I'd be willing!

It's difficult because I talk to my mum about EVERYTHING not just wedding related things so she knows most things but I want our wedding to be a surprise in many ways, they don't know any less than my grandparents and I'm very close to them!

Hopefully MIL2B isn't feeling left out, she hasn't said if she is!

My inlaws are contributing, we didnt ask them to but they paid out 3k on his brother's wedding last year so they have said we are entitled to the same.

The only thing is we are saving like mad (unlike his brother) and i feel like they feel we dont need it as much as they did.

They are interested, but FMIL would not attempt to tell us what to do (I dont think she did to FSIL either) however I'm happy for them to invite whoever they want to the evening reception.

If anything its my parents that are doing my head in, we went to see our cars last night...but my family dont like them....whats a girl to do?

We live over 250 miles away from my family ( this is a blessing much of the time ) and my OH's parents have both passed away ( he is an only child) so we're having to sort out most of the wedding on our own, Most of the time I'm pleased about this, as I don't have to consider the many problems that some B2B on here are having, but there is times I wish there was family around to bounce ideas off etc, especially my OH's mum, she would have LOVED every part of it and been a joy to share this experience with.

Regards

L x

My in laws are lovely, my H2B and his family are very close. My in laws are contributing towards the cost of the wedding. Also my MIL is doing the invitations and has involved herself without coming across as intrusive. She always seems interested when I talk about the wedding and it always helps when people seem interested. It makes planning the wedding less stressful. My BIL is the best man, so it's going well so far.

I hope your in laws have a change of heart and include their selves as it is their sons big day. Good Luck x

My answer is more no than yes. MIL came out to a meal to celebrate our engagement with my parents, but FIL didn't (and nope, they're not separated!). Neither ask us anything about it or even mention it - and I see them about 5 out of 7 days a week. Whenever we update them, there is always some sort of comment from FIL. Such as the date, I'd always wanted a winter wedding, say Dec-Feb, but guess who's getting married in March to accomodate ? He didn't want it to snow, as if it did he was saying that NO one would go to our wedding, specifically him. We've had to arrange a dog sitter - 12months before the wedding! As otherwise he was saying that he'd just stay home with the dog so he's not left alone as the dog was more a priority. And also we asked who they'd want to the wedding - we got moaned at as its too early to sort out guests, which yes, we're not sending invites out now - but we were wanting to atleast know numbers to work out if the venue is big enough. When we finally get some suggestions, FIL has requested that his friends over family come! My OH doesn't know any apart from one of these friends. We've told him this as nicely as we can that we'd want people we know to be invited, and inviting his friends is meaning that some of OUR friends and FAMILY would not be able to come, he's goes into a sulk. It's also my parents who are paying the brunt of the wedding, such as venue and catering (we're doing outfits and entertainment) so in a way, I didn't want my parents to pay for his friends to come to our wedding when none of us know them. It maybe different if they were paying towards the wedding, but they haven't even offered and it just feels rude to ask. FIL has also made it clear he's not going to be wearing the same suit as the others in the wedding party, just by choice. Generally speaking thats not a problem if he still makes an effort to wear a suit, but at BIL's wedding a couple of years ago he just wore black trousers with a black shirt and a tie to match MIL's dress. For me, I'd want photo's to show we all made an effort and looked good for a wedding, and just trousers and a shirt really isn't going to do this and its the photo's we're going to keep as memories ☹️

I feel like a complete bridezilla whenever the wedding comes up with them that nowadays we don't discuss what we're doing with them incase they want us to change our plans again ☹️ I feel like I've had to change loads already, and it just isn't enough!

In answer to the original question my MIL had very little to do with planning, but neither did my side of the family (they live over an hour away, although my mum made our cake). Neither side contributed financially - we funded everything ourselves.

I feel sad when I read all the positive comments about in laws. Mine are very definitely 'out laws' and made the planning process very difficult and emotional when it wasn't necessary. We changed the date 3 times just to suit them and they created hell over the venue location (had to travel an hour, but then so did most of our guests, including us!) so we had a later ceremony to accommodate this (4pm). When we announced our engagement they were over the moon and really, really happy about it so I thought planning the day would be a doddle but things soon fell apart when the dates we wanted weren't suitable. My SIL took it upon herself to go 'venue shopping' as she couldn't understand why we wanted to get married in my home town as opposed to my theirs (there aren't very many nice venues in the town he is from and he didn't want to get married there!). My MIL took it upon herself to question us over our choice of FG, BM, MOH & BMan and said it wasn't what SHE wanted and that it was all wrong. 6 weeks before the wedding it came to a head when my MIL and OH fell out over the guest list (too many tears and tantrums for him and he put it to her in a straight 'our day, our way' type convo) and she said she was disowning him and would not be at his wedding. He was distraught and angry but had got to the point whereby he no longer cared if she was there or not. She even had the gaul to ring me and whinge about my OHs behaviour. If there is one thing I will always do it is stand by my man - which I did and she said I was as bad as him and obviously we didn't care about her. Thankfully they kissed and made up with 2 weeks to go and I thought all would be fine. How wrong could I have been. On the day she barged her way into my suite whilst I was getting ready with my girls demanding to see all the dresses, that I couldn't hold them a secret any more as 'today is the day'. She also bitched about our flowers, hair and make-up. I was devastated and walked out. Literally, in my dressing gown. I was shaking and upset so much that I was seriously tempted to ring my OH and just disappear.

Things went ahead as planned though (after removing my MIL my MOH found me and gave me a pep talk!) but when we got proofs from our photographer it was painfully clear that my MIL had purposely not enjoyed herself in any way shape or form. There is not a single picture of her smiling, not a single one. My OH was heartbroken when I told him what she had done and said he was surprised that I remained as calm as I did.

For some reason my MIL wants to arrange a shoot with a TOG so she can have some 'nice pictures taken of the 4 of us' in all our wedding outfits as she isnt happy with the ones our TOG took on the day (I wonder why). My OH has told her it isn't going to happen, that there are plenty of pictures to chose from and it isn't our fault she refused to smile for them. Once again she threw her dummy out saying that if she hadn't been thrown out of my suite she wouldn't have been upset on the day. My OH response? 'You shouldn't have been in there in the first place.' She hasn't spoken to me since Boxing Day.

So, you see, I really wish I had in laws that are as nice as my fellow hitchers say. You are incredibly lucky to be joining a loving and supportive family.

Good luck x

I really feel for you, you are clearly trying to accommodate him as best you can, it's your and you OH's day though you can't be expected to change everything to suit them, you need to have your special day the way you want it.

My inlaws are the same, they are the lovliest people but can be a bit miserable and oppinionated. My FIL said we can't get married in 2013 as 13 is an unlucky number ? my OH has been married before and wore his family tartan kilt and decided he didn't want to wear it again, he really wants to wear a black kilt and FIL was so annoyed as if it was a snub to the family. He totally couldn't see his point of not wanting it to look similar to last time. His parents have fallen out with all members of their family so we are 'not allowed' to invite them. My OH is only going to have his mum, dad and brother from his family there, while I've got about 50 members of family on my side I know OH feels sad about this but he doesn't think it's worth the hassle as FIL will just refuse to come.

Please don't feel too down about them, some people just look for the negatives in everything I would continue to tell them stuff but more as this is what we are doing and we love it and are so happy and hopefully they will learn to back off a bit

Absolutely not thank God. Couldn't think of anything worse. MIL & FIL are separated and MIL's new hubby is a pita so we don't see them that often. Neither of them are contributing anyway. FIL did express his disgust at us not inviting oh's cousin, who I have never met after 10 yrs, but that is all that has been said up to now.

Yes, PiL are very involved. They're paying for half of the wedding and have been really good at helping out where possible. MiL is in charge of the cake, has bought ties for the fathers and ushers and has also hunted down garden games for us. She also had a say in what D is going to wear, what the bridesmaids are wearing and has seen my dress. They also know all of the details of the guest list, and are going to help with the table plan as well. As much as MiL and I drive each other mad, we get on far better now than we used to and I love her to bits.

MIL to be is involved in the planning, we run everything by her as we trust her opinion. She came dress shopping with me and is the only one who has seen me in my dress. She viewed the reception venue with us and we're making the save the dates, invites and thank you cards together. She's helping us pick the decorations too. She is interested and makes suggestions but always says not to worry if we don't like it. She's brilliant. I couldn't ask for a better MIL. If I could choose my MIL, I would have picked her! ?

I've tried to involve my FMIL as much as I can, she's been dress shopping with me, her friend is making our cake, we've asked them to come to our tasting menu evening on Friday and a few of their friends who we know are coming to the wedding.

FFIL doesn't seem too interested in the wedding, think he's letting us get on with it, FMIL likes being a bit more involved, she's apparently not been sleeping worrying about things and she always asks me if I've done this and that. I have to politely say "yes it's all in hand", she doesn't realise I've got a massive to do list that I've been working through for about 6 months and we've got a spreadsheet with budget etc.

We're paying for the whole wedding ourselves so think both sets of parents are happy to be involved where they can.

My inlaws are fab - even call MIL2B my second Mum and I think she texts me more than OH now haha

I got on with them straight away though (I only met OH a year ago!) - they have 3 boys so I think they loved having a girl in the family (OH's brother has a gf but they live in London so they don't see them as much!)

Me/OH, my parents and in laws are each putting a third of the budget in (£3.5k each) so we're really greatful. Like my parents they're letting us make all the decisions but helping out along the way - everyone's helping collect the cut glass bowls we need and the brooches for my bouquet, and I've been dress shopping with my mum and also MIL2B.

I really think it depends on how close you are!

My in-laws to be have not really helped in practical ways. When we bought our house last year OHs dad lent us a chunk of money so I can't really say anything, my FIL answer is to chuck money at everything rather than actually ask 'how can I help?' Still, I sound really ungrateful and don't mean to be. It's just that they have mainly just caused OH and me a lot of stress!

My in laws are brilliant. Well my OH's mum is. She's sorting our cake and has new ideas and suggestions every time we visit which has been good for me as I have a very loose idea of what I want. The mums speak on the phone quite a lot as between them they are in charge of dressing the venue (I'm all sorts of rubbish at that kind of thing). FIL2B hasn't asked a thing about it though. Apparently he's excited but I see no evidence of this and he moaned like fury when my parents wanted to meet the first time, although he was very well behaved on the day. I figure if he doesn't want to know then so be it. Tbh as long as me and the boy are happy I don't much mind who else appears interested! Plus I'd rather that than overbearing in laws I think. That sounds like a bit of a mare...

My PIL are separated, FIL and his wife are really helpful and happy to discuss tips and ideas for our wedding no contribution from them as they've already helped largely with deposit for our home! MIL is actually engaged herself and planning her own wedding so it's nice to have wedding chat with her. I would like to involve her more in planning but I think it might be all too much with her planning her own too! We're not expecting to recieve any contribution from her either.

I've never met my in-laws.

Best way for things to be.

I suppose both sets of parents are involved as each other. I found my dress when I went shopping with my mum and mil2b and we had a lovely day.

Both dads are the same, not as involved but then again we have another year and 2 months to go!

We are very lucky with how they have both been the only difference is their contribution. My parents have been very generous and were so lucky whereas the inlaws have offered to pay for the cake.

x

I felt very fortunate with my in laws. They gave us some money but never asked what it actually went on. They organised their side of the family (fielding calls regarding hotels etc) they took an interest when we talked about it but never interfered apart from once.

They wanted some friends adult kids to come and we said no, they asked if it was for money reasons and that they would pay and we told them no it's based on the fact we don't know them. That was it really :-)

This is a familiar feeling - my FMIL is the same, she's not really bothered and never asks anything. I find it odd but, it has helped me make my decision not to include her when I shop for my wedding dress. She gives me the impression she doesn't care, so why should I? I've also noticed over the passed couple of months she has said some things to me that are quite snidey - she's never been like this with me in the whole 6yrs H2B and I have been together. H2B's SIL is a bit of a s**t stirrer - so wouldn't surprise me if we've been talked about and FMIL is believing what she's been told - the main thing is I DO NOT CARE!!! Its our day - not theirs! My Mum is less than impressed with FMIL and has told me not to go out of my way to try and include her, especially after the incredible lack of enthusiasm! His folks haven't offered to help us with ANYTHING to do wth the wedding, yet my folks are paying for our cake, My Mum is taking me to Dublin at the end of April to buy me my tiara and bridal shoes and they are giving us £1,000 towards a honeymoon!

Me and OH have planned our wedding ourselves without any input from our parents, they are all interested in what we have planned and we tell them what we are doing and where we are in the planning stages, i am happy with this because i have seen so many threads with family getting too involved and all having their say on how should go, we have had stress free planning and will have what we want with the blessing of both sets of parents