Bad engagement reactions

OMG how terrible! I can't say we had any bad I'm glad to say. Sorry hun!

xx

Oh dear.....rise above it?

My mother in law is fine to me usually luckily - but I didn't get an exceptional reaction to engagement either, she didn't even ger out her chair, whereas my lot where jumping all over the shop including on my OH!!!

OH is desperate for me to involve her in wedding plans - invited her to see cars - didnt come, invited her to see photographer - didn't come ... the list goes on! I'm at the stage where I'm saying stuff that, this is my day and if she's not bothered then neither am I. It's either cos she has just planned all of her daughters wedding and doesn't like being out of the loop (but tough I have a mother of the bride) OR becasue I'm stealing her baby boy.......women eh? haha x

Oh she sounds absolutely priceless tiz, I'm sorry you're marrying into that!! I sort of had the opposite, MIL called me a few days after the engagement to tell me about the people she had already invited, some of whom I don't even know!! I told her to back off as we hadn't made any decisions (we're going abroad and want a small affair) and she has not spoken to us since, that was 6 months ago!!!

My Mum just didn't say anything, My dad asked if we were drunk and then said "I don't know what you want me to say". I was devastated but I didn't let it ruin it for us.

Surely invites would come through your OH?

We didn't get a card from OH's parents when we got engaged. I wouldn't read to much into that.

Eesh!

We had one... a (divorced) pal of OH's said to him - at our engagement party no less - something awful about 'getting married is the worst mistake of your life' and basically saying to OH to stay single. Needless to say OH wiped him from potential guest list after that, and still doesn't speak to him when they bump into each other. Apparently this guy has tried everything to re-friend my OH but OH isn't having any of it.

sadly that's not an option with your future MIL!

I remember you posting about that! You were really upset at the time weren't you?

Oh and just to add, when we told OH's parents about the venue we wanted to book, MIL asked if the deposit was non refundable. When we replied 'no it's not', she said 'that's a lot of money to lose if you break up'. My MIL is a bit of a fruit loop (it's where Mr RB gets it from!), so I knew she wouldn't have meant any harm by it.

Anyway, what I am saying is that she may have just been making a bad joke.

I'm led to believe my MIL actually helped my OH pick out the ring. he chose it and she approved.

My older sister went in a massive huff because i got so much attention and she never got that much attention when she'd got engaged (She is no longer with the guy she got engaged to.) i was excited for her. Although it was apparently my fault that everyone reacted the way they did. What magical powers i have!

This is third engagement lucky for me. The first time round my the OH told his mum who asked if I was pregnant because she couldnt understand why he would want to marry me unless there was a baby on the way. she then proceeded to ask if i was pregnant was the baby definitely his ? I took great delight in telling her i was still a virgin. The second time round everything was fine although not too excited. This time round though family in law are all incredibly exicted and cant wait for the wedding. Just try and keep your cool, if you can you will show you are better than her.

The only reaction I got that wasn't excitement was my Dad, who said I'd be lucky to get a diamond ring off "that tight bleeder!" but I never expected anything emotional or anything. He did tell me I was daft booking our venue 2 years in advance because it will probably go bust before the wedding!

My MIL to be was fine with the engagement , it was my little sister who had issues as her n her bf had got engaged the week before us. It just so happened that was what she got for her 21st bday and the following week when we got engaged was our anniversary. Her words at the time were "i cant get anything to myself". Even though we had been together 3 years by then, well longer than her n her partner thay fall out every 2nd day and split up/get back together lol My MIL had issues when we told her we booked date fo wedding as his cousin had saw daft comments on facebook and told MIL that everything was planned and it was all about me and my family! She eventually calmed down and let us explain only date and venue was organised, nothing else had even been looked at!!! She has been great since and even paid money towaards venue ?

When I got engaged we went for lunch but neither of us could eat a thing, so we gave up and got a taxi to my parents house. My dad already knew because H2B had asked permission a couple of days before hand. I couldn't even say the words, my mum was going 'whats up with u, whats giong on' and I just showed her the ring, then we had champagne and mum fell out with dad for not telilng her lol.

Then we went to his parents a bit tipsy...his dad was in alone and his mum was downtown, i didnt know whether we should say anythjing or wait til FMIL came home but H2B decided just to say it because his dad could tell there was something going on, he was delighted then cracked a joke to OH about 'are you mad' then his mum came home and got suspicious right away when she saw her husbands face. He was dying of cancer at the time and she still to this day talks about how he was sitting there like the cat that got the cream and im so pleased its one of her fave memories. We are just sad that he wont be there. He died a month later. xx

Yeah I was, I just felt like how DARE he upset my OH???!!

My sil2b had a bit of a strop when we announced our engagement. we were round there droping off her bday presents and it just so happened a load of family friends were there so we thought, ideal we can tell them all together. but she flipped and stormed off saying we'd taken all the attention off her birthday (shes 31!) but it wasnt even her actual bday or a party or anything. a bit unreasonable and upset me & oh but she got over it!

When I got engaged to my ex, my mums first response was "how much was the ring?"

When we split, she said "that's because he only bought you a cheap ring..." (it wasn't cheap at all, it was just my mum being bitter about me getting attention)

So sorry to read that vix, made we well up.

Clearly others have even worse people to deal with - I'm lucky in that I'm not bothered. She is just very bitter that shes had her son to herself for 46 years! He's never even lived with anyone else before, she saw me as a threat from the start despite my every effort. Its sad for her, I could have been a benefit to her really and its really sad for my OH that his own mother cannot just be pleased he's finally happy with someone and ready to settle down!!

The only slight awkwardness is I don't want him to fall out with her or stop seeing her but I don't want her to think her behavoiur is acceptable and/or warrented!!

Will watch this space see if she comes round but she's called and texted him daily as she always does - and called into his work, yet not once vsince he told her mentioned anything - like a typical question might be 'any wedding plans yet'?? I think she'll be in for a shock to find out its next year!! I used to be way more tolerent of her now I just think 'oh grow up'.

My parent's response to me announcing I was engaged was "oh right, have you told the lucky man yet?". I thought they were just joking, until 2 months later when my sister got engaged and I realised that they simply hadn't believed me (why would I make that up???). Anyway, as a result my engagement was announced to my extended family simply as an add-on to my sister's announcement ie. "X is engaged!!! Oh and so is S."

My mum's response was: "No you're not!". Erm, yes mother, yes I am! Wasn't too long before she stopped being in denial though!

Not really a bad reaction but when we went to tell my parents they just sat there before jumping up and congratulating us! They explained it was because they thought we were going to tell them they were going to be grandparents and they were gutted that was not what we had said and when they realised what we had said they were very excited!

OH's mam was so happy and burst into tears as she was so happy hugging us both lol!

We didn't get a bad reaction...just a bit of a luke warm response.

Don't get me wrong, my in-laws to be are lovely and i get on really well with them. We got engaged on a weekend away, and the second we got back we went around to Bro-in-law2b's house, but didn't tell them straight away as M/Fil2b were on their way round. They themselves had just got back from a 3 week holiday, so everyone else was chatting about that.

When we did evetually manage to squeeze in our news, they were pleased, but didn't really react - said congrats and asked to see the ring (it had also been on the cards for ages - had lived together for 3 years, everyone was expecting it). But that was it. We then proceeded to sit through 3 hours of their holidays pics (3 hours, i kid you not), and by the time they were over with, everyone just wanted to get out of there...

We got to the car and said to each other 'We did tell them....didn't we?' Needless to say MIL2b phoned the next day and said she felt really bad about their reaction, so insisted on taking us out for dinner!

I did feel somewhat robbed of an excited squeel-ridden moment, given all my family live hundreds of miles away - its just not quite the same over the phone

How are things with his family now enterflora?

I think I'm going to find it hard to get on with his mother ever now - shes pushed me a bit too far with this!!!

I think he'll go to see her today (she'll invent a reason for him to go round, a job to be done or some shopping to be got) and he'll invite her to our engagement 'do' - can't wait to hear her reaction to that!

ooo best just mention as i sound really horrible there that shes not a frail old lady shes only 65 with a 45 year old boyfriend, she doesnt drive but all shops are a 5 min walk away but still needs her son to do things for her on a daily basis!!!

MIL and FIL 2b cried when we told them- happy tears obv..and my mum didnt say anything. Just went 'oh...oh right'

Cant choose your family (or OH's!!) x

My b2b's sister got married last year, and they very much kept her parents out of the wedding planning, which particularly her mum found quite upsetting.

When we announced our engagement, their response was a bit lukewarm at times because they expected to be pushed aside once more in the wedding planning, which was not what we wanted. We valued their input and it's always helpful to get an independent opinion on things when you can easily get carried away with the whole wedding planning malarkey.

The first few months were quite difficult for both us us, from the lack of interest from her parents, but we made a point of keeping talking to them about what we were doing and planning, and then when we took them with us to our shortlisted two venues to have a look round and discuss some options, I think the penny finally dropped that yes, we were interested in their opinions, (they happened to agree with our first choice of the two anyway) and it wasn't too long after that that they began showing interest, going off to dress fittings and suchlike, and now they're quite looking forward to it.

My parents are separated so we told them seperately. My dad wasn't too excited over it - but then again, he wouldn't get excited if he won ten million on the lottery, he's just that kind of person - but my mum was absolutely speechless, and she was definitely over the moon about it.

I think they're all looking forward to it, now less than a month away, so let's hope everything stays rosy

My mum was pleased, but not overly excitable about it, but was happy to get involved in all the planning and would ask about it when we saw her.

Oh's mother did not say a lot when he told her, but it was over the phone and we didn't have a party or anything. When we booked our venue we took both mum's and their partners there for dinner to show them round and told them the date we had booked but whenever we saw her she didnt ever ask about it or seem interested when we mentioned it, but she is a bit like that anyway, she disagrees with spending money on anything she deemes 'extravagant' and could not understand why we were not just having a registry office followed by a drink in the pub, no BM's, sit down meal etc.

We booked in October 2009 for June 2011 and about 6 months after we booked, despite the fact that I had ordered my dress and various other bits and pieces by then and told her about it all along the way, OH got a call from her one day saying that his brother had mentioned the wedding and she didnt realise we had got engaged !! OH mentioned about the fact that we had taken them to the venue, told her the date, ordered my dress etc, etc and she said she thought it was all just a possibility not actual plans !! WTF ???!!!!

So niche what happened - did she come to your wedding? has she been nice since???

My PIL are amazing! Im truly lucky to have them - my oh told his paretns he wanted to propose and we were due to go away with them to Venice for his dads 65th, it was all booked and they encouraged him to do it while we were there, in fact his brother and wife were looking after the ring, he proposed on the last night and then we were took out for an amazing meal and bellinis they were thrilled for us, and when I phoned mum and dad they were absoloutly over the moon I cant imagine how I would have felt if we were discouarged or didnt get the approvals off our nearest and dearest, but as I always say there aint nothing as queer than folk!

Erm yeah mine wasnt great!

My Mum and Dad was really wow great but followed with "does your sister know cos she's very fragile at the moment since the split" " which was a boyfriend of 18 months nine months before the engagement!

His family were please but they didnt know me too well then as we had only been together 6 months but were all happy for us!

My grandpartents was well your stupid rushing into it ! I tried to explain to them we had both been in long relationships and never felt like this and the wedding would be 2 1/2 years away! They love him but still think its too soon, I went up the other day after a house viewing and my nan said "I think your rushing into it a house is a big tie to someone" My responce was "Nan, im marrying him in 19 months and we are having children as soon as we are married! I love him!"

Although everyone loves my H2B as I am always on the back burner in our family (my sister is very silver spooned!) I dont have anyone to talk about wedding stuff with which actually made me cry last night! My parents wont talk about it incase it upsets my sis and my sis usually says I cant bear that you got it before me im older and im not in the frame of mind for this. Ive been told if I fall pregnant in the next 3 years I may as well emegrate as she will just top herself!

And last night a clasic from my mum , "think we rushed into your venue deposit!" (the venue is having building works and were not sure what it will be if anything at the time of the wedding) Followed by "The only reason I went ahead with it for you is that I hadnt paid you any attention all year!" Ha Nice one Mam! grrrrrr

So glad I have all you lovely ladies (& gents) to talk to or i'd be totally depressed!

xx

She spent the majority of the planning questioning everything we did or arranged, or making snide comments about things saying they were unnecessary or over the top, which I just learnt to ignore and got on with it.

She came to the wedding and had a brilliant time and said it was one of the best weddings she had ever been to (and I know she would happily have told me if she didnt like it !!!)

I think her issue was because OH's brother got married a few years ago, his GF was a total stuck up mare who spent an absolute fortune of her parents money on their wedding and did not involve my MIL in anything and would not discuss the plans with her at all (and then complained when MIL bought a black and red outfit cos the BMs were red but she hadn't told us this !!). On the day BIL's wife did not speak to any of us, including MIL, and the wedding was all about her and her family, BIL may as well not have been there. It was a very expensive but very boring and stuffy wedding, actually one of the worst weddings I have ever been to, and totally proved that spending a fortune does not automatically mean it will be a good wedding. After all that they split up 6 months after and had their wedding annuled.

I think she was worried that she would be treated the same way in the run up to, and on, our day and that it would be rubbish and that we might split up too (she has been married 3 times and is now very firmly of the opinion that marriage is a waste of time and will ultimately end in heartache !!)

Ah fair enough she had reason to b ea little funny about it all I suppose - unlike my mil2be!!!

She kind of did but she is a very bitter person anyway. OH's dad left without warning one day when he was little and she really struggled financially and had no family around to help with OH and his brother so she is now very jealous of anyone who has any amount of cash to spend on anything over and above lifes necessities or has family that can babysit their children if they want to do anything other than go to work. I regularly get b*tchy comments from her for things she thinks are frivolous, like having monthly beauty treatments or buying clothes from anywhere more expensive than Matalan !! When I bought a pair of Louboutins a few months ago you would have thought I had committed murder from the way she went on at me cos OH made the mistake of telling her their price tag !!!

I'd steer clear of her then if you can!