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Beginner October 2023 Greater Manchester

Bridesmaid drama - help

Nicola, 24 January, 2022 at 07:29 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 6
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Bridesmaid drama ! Help
I get married October 2023 and my hen abroad will be October 2022 so it gives my friends time for my uk one and also paying for there stay at my wedding. My friends have kids, lives and we all agreed this works best for everyone. We are booked paid happy
Saturday night my bridesmaid says she booking her wedding, happy for her, October 2024 and that she hopes I can help her with planning. Guys, this girl has done a lot with dress shopping booking and little gifts along my bridal journey BUT I said that’s great, I’m all in after I return from honeymoon This went down bad. Everything she did was thrown in my face, said she’s disappointed as wanted a hen abroad next year. I said this can still happen although I couldn’t/wouldn’t attend unless after my wedding. Due to money and selfishly it’s my wedding and I want to be the only bride ? She will have her time 2024 ? Or even the November after I come back if she’s that intent I need to be there She’s now said this year is mine and I need to think of others ?I’m not even in a bridal bubble as it’s so far away and already she’s causing me to rethink her place. My fiancé and friends warned me she would do this. I don’t feel I’m wrong for putting mine first ?

6 replies

Latest activity by Michelle, 24 January, 2022 at 13:28
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    Dedicated March 2022 Hampshire
    Samantha ·
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    Well that’s tricky but I do think you could be a bit more accommodating to her, just because your wedding is first doesn’t make her wedding any less special and the same effort should be put into her day as the same has with yours. It sounds as though she’s been a great friend to you helping you out with your wedding and she’s upset that you only want to help her when it’s convenient to you. my weddings 8 weeks away now and whilst you think there’s a lot to do at the moment you’ll get to a point where there’s nothing left you can do and in that time you could help your friend. Sorry if that’s a bit harsh but the same goes for her money wise you would be devastated if she was to no longer go on your hen dos because she wanted to save for her own wedding now wouldn’t you. It sounds to me like you are being a bit unfair and dare I say a bit like a bridezilla 😬
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  • N
    Beginner October 2023 Greater Manchester
    Nicola ·
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    Il just pull money off my money tree lol. Never said I wouldn’t help I said I couldn’t go abroad before my own wedding 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’ve also been there loads for Ann’s encouraged her to book I just can’t go abroad until after mine 😒
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    Dedicated March 2022 Hampshire
    Samantha ·
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    But you are contradicting yourself one minute it’s not about money and the next it’s because you want to be the only bride, okay fair enough you can’t afford to go abroad before your wedding I understand that but you’re also having two hen dos and expecting people to pay for accommodation for your wedding, why is it unacceptable for Ann to expect you to do the same for hers? It sounds like Ann is a very good friend and you’re throwing your toys out of the pram because she’s booked her own wedding and expects the same treatment back as she should…..
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  • L
    Savvy March 2022 East London
    Louisa123 ·
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    I can understand that you want your time and feel like she should have her own time but unfortunately life never goes that way. I totally understand as well that having to pay to go abroad next year when you’ve got your wedding in October might seem hard money wise but as you said all your friends have lives, kids etc. Although they don’t have weddings to pay for they are still going abroad for your hen do and I think that although money is an issue for you… the fact that you said you want to be the only bride makes me think that this is quite a big contributing factor as to why you don’t want to celebrate her hen before your big day.
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  • A
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    I can totally understand where you're coming from in terms of the money and annual leave days. However, it's going to be impossible for her not to be thinking about her wedding and wanting to plan her day and her hen. Think how far in advance your hen is from your wedding, she may well want to do the same. In terms of the money for her hen, if there's no way you can budget for it amongst your own wedding costs, perhaps see if she or one of her other hens is willing to loan you the money and you pay it back after your wedding? In terms of being the only bride, that's something you're going to need to take a deep breath and get over - people get engaged all the time and you simply can't ask them to postpone their own happy day and all the build up that comes with it. I'd be reacting different if you were saying she was copying your ideas and stealing the unique elements from your day, but ultimately she can't postpone being a bride herself and it's important to be happy for her and try to factor her in as much as you can without negatively impacting your own day.

    I say this with some similar personal experience. One of my bridesmaids is a fellow bride who got engaged a few months before me, and her wedding is going to be just a couple of months before mine. We know we're planning stuff on similar timelines but are factoring each other in. She got engaged before me, but I booked my wedding date before her. Neither of us have booked our hens in yet, but know there will be costs associated with each others. We have different visions for our weddings so it's not feeling competitive and actually really nice to share this time both being excited about being brides and being excited for each other (and ranting about the inevitable family wedding planning dramas haha!).

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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    I think you are being fare you want to be there but the timing is not right at the end of the day your plans are happening first totally understand that you cant go abroad till after your wedding and honeymoon xx do what you feel best for you and stay positive xx💗
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