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Lydia
Beginner October 2022 Bristol

Bridesmaids not yet organised hen do

Lydia, 3 of April of 2022 at 09:43 Posted on Planning 1 7
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Please help! With six months to our wedding I have discovered my two bridesmaids have not even made a start on discussing the hen do.


This is round three of trying to get married (thanks Covid!) and their second time to organise it. There was a change of bridesmaid as sadly there was a disagreement with one of them and not heard from her since (unrelated to wedding). My other friend stepped in and asked what needed to be done. I said just turn up on the day and help organise the hen do as she knew the previous BM made no effort at all.
The other BM is always on the back foot as she’s so busy. She had always said she wants to organise my hen do but reality is she’s not that organised.
I messaged them yesterday to say I will start organising it as aware time is getting on and that did seem to kick their arses into gear and now they’re organising a zoom call this week to discuss.
I just feel sad that I’ve been forgotten, earlier this year we lost our baby at 13 wks pregnant and I was heartbroken which they knew. I just wanted I guess to be made feel special after a crappy time. I totally appreciate everyone is busy in life but just don’t have any enthusiasm around it now Smiley sad

7 replies

Latest activity by Bliss, 10 of April of 2022 at 02:26
  • Yorkshirelass
    Super July 2022 Surrey
    Yorkshirelass ·
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    That’s a shame especially after such an emotional time for you. I have done a lot of the organising for the hen do myself to be honest. I chose the venue and told my MOH (my sister) and I set up the WhatsApp group which I am still in. I’ve also organised all the train tickets for the group travelling from near me. I’ve actually paid for the hotel and train tickets and all the hens paid me back. I’ve left my sister to organise games and accessories. She is a bit on the back foot too as she has 3 kids and youngest is only 3. My children are 11 and 14 so require a lot less attention!
    If you really have a vision of what you want to do then I wouldn’t worry about organising yourself as at least you know it will get done. You could have a chat with the BMs to say you don’t mind taking on the organising but that you are a bit disappointed they haven’t made more effort and are worried time is running out. This may spur them into action.
    Good luck!
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2024 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Im sorry to hear this sad news nothing harder i totally get your point about wanting to feel special they need to sort this out they could have made a decision ages ago especially after you cancelling wedding coz of covid xx hopefully saying something on the zoom call telling them how you have been feeling might help xx 💗
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  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    So sorry for your situation and the added stress this is causing. My MOH was the same we get married end of April and in January she still hadn't started planning! I was miffed and almost said just don't bother. However, I know she started end of January and we went mid March and she had organised such an amazing weekend for me so it is possible to do in a short time. Maybe reach out to ask if they want any ideas for what you would like, or ask another hen to subtly try and drop the hint that they haven't heard anything so did they want any help. Try not to worry I am sure they will sort something really soon
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  • Lydia
    Beginner October 2022 Bristol
    Lydia ·
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    Thank you for your reply. Such a stressful time! I stupidly put this dilemma in Mumsnet (never done this before) and the amount of hate I got back was unreal! Apparently I was acting like a bridezilla and should be expecting nothing more than a drink at the local pub! I’ve been to all of my friends hen do’s and paid a fortune in the past, I don’t even expect people to spend much and have chosen to downgrade my weekend to one night out of respect for this. All I really want is I guess for my BM’s to show to some interest. As you say I’m sure they will and I can always do it myself.
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  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    Wow, why such much hate in the world?! You are not asking a lot, even if it is just a night out them it would be nice to know something is being organised! Hope you manage to get them to do something x
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2024 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    This is shocking all you want is a night with your family and friends mums net thats disgusting to call you a bridezilla i hope when its sorted you have a lovely night xx💗
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  • Bliss
    Savvy October 2022 West Sussex
    Bliss ·
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    So sorry for your loss! Try not to stress 6 months is still a long time and most hen dos can be organised in an afternoon with a little motivation just give them a date you want the hen do done by and trust them with the rest
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