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Beginner April 2023 Argyll

Bridesmaids or not?

Alexander29, 5 April, 2022 at 14:39 Posted on Planning 0 13
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Hi everyone!


I know this has been asked a lot..but I am going in circles! My partner and I want a relaxing/chilled wedding day and I know from experience of being a bridesmaid (5am start at the last wedding!) it has been quite pressured, hassle and the early starts etc have been too much for some people and I really wouldn't want any of my close friends to feel that way - we just want them all to feel really relaxed - especially as people are travelling up to Scotland for us (which we also feel a little bad about!). My sister in law is going to be my MoH and niece will be the flower girl/bridesmaid.. I am feeling guilty about not having my close friends as bridesmaids and I'm torn as to whether to have all 4 of them ( i love them all but I know some will feel sad I haven't already asked them) and do the whole thing of hair and makeup (I don't even want that for myself) and have an early start etc or keep to my original thoughts so all can have a relaxing morning/day enjoying themselves with no pressure.. so sorry I know this has been discussed but I thought it would help typing it out! Thank you x

13 replies

Latest activity by Abserb, 9 April, 2022 at 16:09
  • A
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    I totally think you can have bridesmaids in a chill way! You can tell them they mean so much to you so you'd love to have them walking down the aisle with you, but that you're going for a relaxed wedding day so won't be doing the 5am start or fancy hair and make up Smiley smile

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  • K
    Curious September 2022 Greater Manchester
    Kate ·
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    I'm not having any. We're having a small, relaxed wedding so if I had my close friends be BM it would be about half of the women there!
    I'm inviting them up to my room to get ready, have a drink etc so they're still be close, and some of them have offered to do little jobs for us during the day, but I don't really feel the need for all bridesmaid stuff.

    Whatever works for you, I think. Your friends will just be happy for you x
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  • Jane
    Dedicated June 2022 Bristol
    Jane ·
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    Im having my three nieces in matching dresses, walking down the aisle etc but my two best mates are also bridesmaids - they will be getting hair & make up (but know they have to go first (8:30 am start though so not as horrific as it could be!). They are the two I want near me and will be helping me more but it just wasn’t right to have all 5 of them looking the same (one of the grown ups will be 7m pregnant on the day!) (and it’s saving lots of £!).
    Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that you can have BMs who don’t all match and don’t walk down the aisle etc - for me it’s about how it feels more than how it looks. Don’t forget it is your day and to do it your way!
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    I agree - you can still have them get ready with you and do 'bridesmaidy' stuff without having to have the matching outfits and early starts.

    Or, if you want a more traditional approach, you could get them to sort their own hair & makeup. If you want them dressed reasonably similarly, you could give them a colour and say they can pick any dress in that colour.

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  • A
    Beginner April 2023 Argyll
    Alexander29 ·
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    Thank you - that's really helpful to hear lots of different approaches!

    I also wouldn't mind what the BM wear or what colour as long as they are comfortable!

    Thanks xx

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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    I think its nice that you are still thinking about them there is loads of things you could have them do for you and you could also get them a little gift saying how much they mean to you xx💗
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  • A
    Beginner April 2023 Argyll
    Alexander29 ·
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    That's a lovely idea☺ - I just want them to feel relaxed and to not have a really long day (after the last one we were all shattered after the food hah because we were up so early for hair etc) which is why I was going around in circles whether or not to have BM. Thanks so much x
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  • A
    Beginner April 2023 Argyll
    Alexander29 ·
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    Thank you! It is definitely something to think about ☺
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Happpy to help xx💗
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  • A
    Beginner April 2023 Argyll
    Alexander29 ·
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    That sounds really lovely - I totally understand as I think ours is quite small too! X
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  • H
    Beginner October 2022 Surrey
    Harriet ·
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    I’m in a similar position and don’t want the politics of ‘if you have X you have to have Y’, so am just having my best friend’s daughter as flower girl. As people keep telling me, it’s my day!
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  • A
    Beginner April 2023 Argyll
    Alexander29 ·
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    Yes totally understand and on the same wave length!
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  • Nicola
    Curious October 2022 Kent
    Nicola ·
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    I felt the same. We’re having a really relaxed day (bbq for lunch!) and I didn’t want the whole line of bridesmaids in the same dress. But in the end I chose 2 friends to be moh/bridesmaids but they’re wearing what they want etc. I’ve said you can have your hair done however you want. So they’re still included and hopefully feel special to me, but still totally chilled out 😀
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