Bridesmaids trouble over not seeing wedding dress :(

Tbh I think you are being a little bridezilla. Why don't you want the girls to see you in your dress? I can understand you wanting to surprise guests (although in reality, there's not much surprising about a long ivory gown on a bride, is there?) and even your Dad, but not the BMs.

I would have thought it's more normal for them to help you choose your dress, get excited with you over dress shopping, and then help you get dressed on the day. It does help if they've had chance to practise lacing or buttoning the dress before the day.

Actually, many many brides to be on this site complain their BMs aren't interested and don't want to get involved with shopping trips etc. You seem to be trying to suppress any interest and excitement from them, and if you don't want their input and excitement now, exactly what DO you want from them as BMs?

In my humble cabbage, I think you are getting a tad dramatic. No one but my mum has seen me in my dress although my MOH has seen the photo. No one else will see it till the day. That's my choice, its mine and OHs wedding. If she is upset just explain again why. Perhaps she had been looking forward to helping you choose and the moment you walked out of the changing room in 'the one' and is sad she missed out. Who knows.

Your wedding is still a long way off and it's not fair to expect everyone to maintain the same level of excitement all the way through. Some of my girls have only started getting excited and involved now when it is 6 months away. I have had 25 months of them not seeming to care. And believe me I have had the foot stomping, nobody else is interested, or cares moments over it myself.

Nust talk to her, say you are sorry that she was upset by your choice to keep the dress to yourself, but you really want it to be a surprise on the morning. Ask her what it was about it that is upsetting her, is she feeling left out that MOH has seen it and not her? And go from there. You don't have to show her if you don't want to. But if you help her understand why and you understand why she is upset then you are halfway to solving the problem.

Got to agree with above. I involved my BMs in the dress selection process and their input was invaluable. I have no qualms about anyone seeing my dress before the day; I've been going round showing it to all and sundry...in fact, OH has to keep telling me that he doesn't want to see it (bit more traditional than I am) otherwise I'd happily give him a *flash*!!

Although- in fairness to you (ever the Devil's advocate!), you did tell them from the start that you wanted it to be a surprise on the day, that's your prerogative, and they should respect that. It's not like you're suddenly getting all precious about it now out of the blue.

It sounds like you don't get on too well with this person anyway...why did you ask them to be a bridesmaid in the first place? Was it out of obligation? (Damn you, obligation! Curse of so much wedding planning!)

That’s my point … since I’ve been engaged they have been so disinterested in the wedding I barely hear a peep from them, I told them from the start that I was only taking MOH and family to avoid clash of opinions (there would have been 8 of us including my mum and nan), I would have almost definitely got way too excited and taken them to see the dress anyways but that’s been spoilt with the text... I was really shocked to receive that text and I suppose it just bought my feelings to the surface … I would have just liked a phone call explaining it rather than a text message rant if that makes sense…

So glad I posted this ladies, its good to hear opinions from an outsider and I definitely needed you lot to bring me back down to earth a bit, us brides do turn in to monsters sometimes!!

Maybe I was being a bit unreasonable not letting them see the dress but now I feel like even if I do it will look like it’s just because of her rant and that’s certainly not the way I wanted it to be!!

She is one of my best friends and I’m so sad it seems like I was obliged to have her, the four of us MOH and 2 non related bridesmaids were inseperable for last 3 years!! Over the last 6 months she’s become a stranger and gets really sensitive when you try to approach the fact we never see her anymore, so we have definitely become less close and I suppose that’s why im starting to regret my decision as if you can become so distant from someone in 6 months who knows what will happen over the next 15 months!

I think with me I try so hard to not be this bridezilla I actually do a complete Uturn and end up TOP bridezilla of them all!!

Now ive calmed down and I can see I’ve had my first bridal tantrum (hope this is my first and last )

I’ve text her explaining the above and just said I’m upset that this has ended up coming out the way it is and hoping to catch up with her this week!

Thanks you all for helping me see the light hahaha!!

P.s skeptical love that you want to show H2B dress and HE is stopping YOU – BRILLIANT!

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I was bridesmaid for the first time last year for one of my very closest friends. Granted, we live a long way apart but it would have been possible to go dress shopping with her if we had so chosen. She kept me updated all through the planning and was obv very excited ALL the time and yes Tbh there were occasions I had to remind her during her rants about others that this is HER wedding, and whilst we were honoured to be bridesmaids that wasn't all we had to think about. Now the boot is on the other foot, I am patently aware that I mustn’t bore others with wedding talk and there are plenty of other topics of conversation to be had... But it's hard lol!!!

With regards to the dress issue, I wouldn't say you necessarily overreaction, but you may be being a little sensitive. When Lex was choosing her dress, it was very much a process she did on her own.... Her mum and sister did eventually see it but other than them, nobody saw it on until the day. She sent me a secret email link to the dress online just to get my feedback but even then, I couldn't really get a proper idea. It was only on the eve of the wedding that I saw it hanging in her room.....absolutely stunning!!! It was sooooo lovely to see her in it on the day, and just added to all the bms excitement. My mum and sis (who is my moh) came with me to try dresses- we were not looking to buy one at that point- and it just so happens that we ended up buying there and then one which sis had picked out. BUT my other bms and tog who are all my daughters haven't seen me in it and probably won't until I put it on for real.

In brief, I don't think it is a bms 'right' at all to see the bride in her dress before the day. It's a matter of personal choice, and no bm should get arsy about it. Having said that, I wouldn’t consider sacking any bm off over what is ultimately quite a minor issue. Make the effort to have a brew together, discuss plans and perhaps describe your dress to her.... It's really not worth falling out over xx

Nobody has seen my dress as I went on my own as a spur of the moment thing to try on a dress I thought could be the right one. My MOH didnt even see me in any dresses as I found the right dress before we had chance to go shopping. I have shown my MOH a picture of my dress and anyone else who asks, it isnt supposed to be a surprise but it isnt feasible for anybody but my mum to see me in the dress before the wedding as we all live in different areas and have busy lives to lead.

I dont really see what the big deal is about them seeing you in a dress, I was a BM and didnt see my friend in her dress, didnt bother me in the slightest. At the end of the day you dont want to show anybody, thats your decision and has been from the beginning so I think they are being a bit harsh bugging you about it. I can understand why you want it to be a surprise but can you not show them a picture as a compromise? That way they can feel included but they havent actually seen you in the dress..

Flow kept her dress a secret form her BMs. There is a cracking photo of the look on their faces when they first clapped eyes on it - will try to find it for you. maybe you could show her that and make the surprise a positive thing?

My BMs saw only model photos of the dress before the day. They were involved in early speculative shopping but not the serious business.

I can understand how you feel about wanting to keep it a surprise.

My sister (my one bridesmaid) and my mum are the only ones that have seen my dress and this was 12 months ago so they've probably forgotton what it looks like! I am looking forward to peoples reactions when they see me in my dress!

But, I do think its normal for bmaids to be involved in the dress process but I don't this she should just presume that this is the case with you. I agree with FTLOMB that you could maybe put a positive spin on things and tell her that you want it to be a surprise for her too? x

If you could find it that would be great ... that is exactly what I want from my bridesmaids ...........

but I may consider doing what you did and show it on the model, so they still get the elimante of suprise but get a rough idea of what to expect!!

Thanks for all your comments ladies

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When I was bridesmaid for a friend & she said she wasn't showing us her dress I was a bit put out too. Only her MOH knew what it was like. We also didn't get together once as bridesmaids or get involved in any of the planning. It made for an easy life but it was kinda sad not to be involved & hard to get excited about the wedding when we literally knew nothing! I think part of being a bridesmaid is to help with the planning & choosing. I have 8 adult bridesmaids & have involved them as much as possible. I have been grateful for their help/opinions to be honest. Everyone's different though & there's no right or wrong. If you want to keep your dress a secret, do it! I have to say, I think your friend is a bit out of order for texting you that & I can see why it's upset you. Even though I felt the same way as her I wouldn't have dreamt of actually saying something to my friend! The bride is entitled to do what she wants which in my friend's case included making me wear shoes I could hardly walk in & literally crippled me lol!

Try not to let it stress you too much. If you're drifting apart lately maybe you could invite her out & have a catch up & tell her how you feel? x

From Flow's wedding report:

Up until now none of my bridesmaids has seen the dress, or knew anything about it so now was the time to reveal it to them. The photographer wanted to capture the moment and I am so glad he did its one of the best images from the day when I walked in to the room..

I'm glad I'm not the only one who seems to be showing pics of my dress to the world & it's Mother! The amount of times I've had to stop myself showing the OH a pic is ridiculous! I don't actually want him to see it but just keep going to tell/show him things in my excitement lol!

This is the thing ........ They will be 100% involved in the planning if they want to be, the one thing I want to be a secret is the dress and seeing that picture makes me want that even more!!

She's coming over at the end of the week to clear the air, with too much wine and bad food!!

I know exactly what will happen, we'll have a cuddle and laugh about how stupid we both are

xxxx

Hmmmm...the surprise thing just doesn't sit well with me...

When I've been a bridesmaid I have seen the dress beforehand. One of the brides was going to keep a it a secret but didn't in the end. I didn't say anything to her but it was a bit weird, not being able to picture anything...especially when she wanted opinions on a veils/shoes/hair. When I have seen the brides at my best friends' weddings or when I've 'just' been a guest, I can't say I have ever been surprised - it's a wedding dress, after all!!!

I've only got the 1 bridesmaid and she came dress shopping with me, but I have shown my close friends pictures on the internet. I don't expect any of my friends to be 'surprised'...to them, it will be little old Melanie, hopefully looking the best she has ever looked, which isn't surprising as it will be my wedding day! The only person who I will want and expect a reaction from to me in my dress, will be my husband to be!

Basically, if I were you, I would let your bridesmaids see your dress, if not on you, on a model on the internet - it will look completely different on you anyway, so what's the harm???

Aw I hope you sort things out hun x

I will be keeping my dress a secret from everyone except for MOH and my mom. One of my BMs wasnt too happy about this when she found out but as I have to remind myself it is my choice! I have 5 BMs and if they were to all come dress shopping along with my mom it would be opinion overload and im indecisive enough as it is. Plus 3 of the BMs are FSIL's so if I show them then I will have to show FMIL and then ill just be worrying that they will tell OH. I love Flow's pic and I think moments like that are priceless so I know it will be worth keeping it a secret in the end.

Im sure you will sort things out and your friend will understand when you get chance to explain it to her xx