church wedding problems

Grrrrrrrrrrr for you! I haven't had this problem myself but I'm annoyed for you.

Is it CofE? There's no particular problem with getting married again in a Church with CofE is there? One of my friends did. It must just be up to the individual vicar. Personally I'd be hacked off and have a bit of a moan, point out that the other vicar didn't have a problem etc. but that probably wouldn't do anyone any favours. Being as nice as poss to him would probably work better ... make him realise that you're both taking marriage seriously & this is the one that's for life etc.

Sorry, haven't got any useful advice & this won't be much use to you but I'm sure he will go ahead as if he wasn't going to - surely he'd have just said that instead of making you sweat for 10 days.

Fingers crossed

As far as I know if you are getting married in a catholic church then you can't marry there if you are divorced. No idea of the rules for CofE churches, but when we met with our priest a while ago the first question he asked was 'have you or your partner ever been married?' and if we had we would have had to go to a registrary office I think. Sorry, this probably won't fill you with confidence but that's my experience of the rules about being divorced!

i thibk this may be a bit more relaxed now, depending on your vicar. My OH mum was certain i wouldnt be alowed to mary in the catholic church as i am not religious at all. But after talking with us the preist was more than happy (OH is catholic).

Have a chat with the new preist and hopfully he will see how commited you are, just like the last preist did and say yes.

Best of luck

Hi,

Its Church of England

It may be more relaxed now, I know when my aunty got married (25 years ago!) she was marrying someone who was divorced and she wasn't allowed to marry in a catholic church but hopefully like you say it may be different now. I have always been lead to believe that you can't marry in a catholic church if you are divorced but this may not be the case for the OP and even if it is the first priest was fine with it so hopefully I haven't got a clue what I am talking about!!! Good luck ?

Ah well then that changes things - looking on google (the fount of all knowledge!!!) it says you possibly could marry in CofE if divorced depending on circumstances - they changed the rules in 2002 apparently so I would now agree with others....suck up and sell the story of how much you love each other, I'm sure you will be fine as it isn't a fixed rule that you cannot marry in a CofE and the original priest was fine with it!

It is up to the vicar.

This is exactly what I'm dreading will happen to me. My plan if the worst does happen and our vicar changes his mind, is to sneak to a register office in the morning (in jeans and top) and then have a blessing at the church with all the works. Feels horrible and contradictary but it's the only thing I can think of as it's my dream to be in a church

HTH x

First of all - GOOD LUCK! Easier said than done but try not to worry until you've spoken to the new vicar.

In a CofE church it is totally dependant on the vicar and if they agree to marry you.

We had to see our vicar before they would agree to marry us as my OH is divorced too - i think they just need to check the reasons behind the divorce but just go and talk to him, tell him how much in love you are, why it is so important that you want to get married in church and hopefully it won't be a problem - especially as the other vicar had agreed to marry you - it would be pretty heartless this late in the game to suddenly refuse to marry you! We went prepared with answers to loads of questions that had been sent through by the church - such as:

• What does marriage mean to you?
• Have you learnt from your previous marriage?
• Has there been a healing of past hurts?
• If you have children, how are they being looked after?
• What do others think of your marriage plans?
• When did your new relationship begin?
• Have either of you been divorced more than once?
• Are you wanting to grow in the Christian faith?

i know exactly how you are feeling as we are getting married in a different parish to where we live and there was suddenly doubt as to whether the local vicar would read our banns (i hadn't even thought to let him know of OH's divorce as our vicar was totally fine with it) - and if he refused we wouldn't be able to get married in the church either - i was on the phone in tears to our church where we're getting married and had them looking through the CofE law book!!!!

It will be a long 10 days but try to keep calm, get prepared with some answers and be VERY VERY nice to him!!!!

Make sure you let us know how you get on and all the best of luck xxxx

I think you might also be asked whether you are church goers? Seeing as you have 10 days to the meet I would make a big effort to be in church next weekend and make sure you go and say hello when exiting the church. we have had issues as H2b thought he was confirmed but it turned out he only had 1st communion, and we thought that seeing as we could not join the other people getting confirmed then we would be doing the registrar in the morning and then a blessing. We are being ultra complicated due to marrying out of parish using H2bs father who is a deacon from yet another parish.... but our local priest has been very helpful and my H2b will have a private confirmation in a few weeks time, this is only possible due to his dad being a deacon and the fact that we have attended church very regularly and our presence within the catholic community is known (I am not catholic) this has required special dispensation by the bishop. If getting married in a church is important to you, then pray and hopefully god will answer your prayers.

It's up to the individual vicar.

H2B and I are both divorced but marrying in church. We had to answer several questions (as above) but our Rector was very keen to see us married in church as we go almost every week and play a full part in the life of the church. H2B has also been baptised and confirmed between booking the wedding and now.

I think you should to the meeting in a spirit of humility, asking for forgiveness and saying what you have learnt, and be prepared to talk about your failth and what it means to you, and the spirituality of the wedding being important.

This is exactly what I did, AC. Poured my heart and soul out, hoping that our vicar would appreciate my feelings and see that I've learnt my lesson.

@OP - Hopefully your new vicar will feel like this about your OH

What does the Vicar in the parish you worship in think about it all?

In the meantime, WAmnesiaCustardS.

I think you've got a bit mixed up. You are allowed to get married in a Catholic church if you are divorced (whether you are divorced or legally annulled makes no difference) but you need to have a religious annulment as well, which can be quite complicated and can only be granted in certain circumstances.

To the OP - Being Catholic, I have no idea how CofE marriage works (what the rules are etc), but I would recommend that you google it like crazy (if you have't already) so that you are clear about what to do next.