Hello,
Our wedding is only 5 weeks away and we are having issues with my dad, stepmum and sister...
My fiance originally had 5 bridesmaids - her sisters and best friends - and didn't want a football team of bridesmaids, so she was hesitant to ask my sisters and cousins, although she did want them involved. My dad then got in touch telling us how hurt my sisters were that they weren't asked to bridesmaids (although there's no rule that says the groom's sisters MUST be involved). But my fiance being the caring person she is went and included them as bridesmaids, taking her total to 9 bridesmaids, to my mere 5 groomsmen. But it was fine. We were wiling to make it work.
My fiance went and bought all the dresses, as she already knew what dresses she wanted her bridesmaids to wear. Every bridesmaid was gracious and excited except my elder sister. She went to America for work, so after giving the dress to the younger sister, which she loved, we then FaceTimed the other sister to show her the dress and then sent it to the States.
A month goes by and we haven't heard from the sister in America so I texted her asking if she had received the dress. She replied saying that she tried it on, didn't like how it fit, and just sent it back to my dad & stepmum in the UK. All this, without the courtesy of telling us, either via FaceTime or a picture message - just let the bride and groom see what the dress looks like on.
So now my fiance and I are sat there wondering what's going on... does this mean she will wear the dress or not? She's asking us if there's another dress and if all the bridesmaids are happy wearing it etc. We explain that everyone else is happy and that this is the bride's choice. My sister may not like it, but it'snot her day, which she and my dad and stepmum don't seem to grasp, because they're then calling me telling me that we can't pick people's fashion, she has her own style etc etc... all things that he weren't saying when my other sister happily took the dress.I would've thought he would be talking to her to say "it's your brother's big day. Just wear it for a few hours. After the pictures you can change." But no... he wants it to be all about the sister.
So a few weeks go by and we STILL haven't heard anything. We message to say you can have the dress altered to fit you better, but will you wear it? She replies saying that she sent the dress back to the UK and she won't be back in the UK until just a few days before the wedding, so she can't decide until then. My fiance and I can't be waiting until just before the wedding to know what our wedding party will look like. Are we being unreasonable? All we want to know is will you wear the dress or not? Don't leave us hanging! My dad then calls me raging down the phone "The dress is here! Nothing can be done until she's back!" - Now to me, that doesn't give me an answer. Does that mean that she will wear the dress and have it altered? Or does that mean that she'll decide when she's back? Either way, his comments does not give any clarity.
Last night, after a week of silence from them both, I texted my sister saying that we've waited long enough. We're talking to photographers etc and this is our day, not hers, so we can't be waiting around for you, so we'll proceed without you as bridesmaid... they flew off the handle. My sister had apparently left it to my dad to sort out the situation. All she had to do was give us a yes or no answer. My dad didn't sort the situation. All he said was "the dress is here and nothing can be done until she's back." That to me, is not a yes or no answer. But it seems like they want us to beat to their drum on our wedding day when we have tonnes of other things to worry about. Our wedding is only 5 weeks away and somehow it's all about them. My dad has been difficult during this whole wedding process. Doing things like trying to invite 20 of his own guests (who I don't know when we're already tight for numbers), doing our food tasting for us by going to the restaurant before us and then giving his opinion, and insisiting on what his role is in the wedding... he's always been difficult in my life, but he's gone into narcissistic mode and my sister seems to have picked up this trait.
My fiance had a full-on panic attack last night and no longer wants them involved at all. We've tried to be accommodating and include them and feels like they've just been difficult and selfish, making us bend over backwards for them. My dad has not asked how the wedding is going etc. All he wants to know is "Have you got the invites for my guests?" Are we missing something?
