Hi all, apologises for the long message but I am desperately in need of some advice re sisters partner…
Starting from the beginning, I have known this man since I was 17 (now 29). My sister met him during a difficult patch in my families history, with parents separating and 2 of my 3 sisters estranging themselves from the family. It was a crushing time for all of us and at 17 I wasn’t coping well. When I turned 18 my father died and I was diagnosed with depression , I was frequently self medicating with alcohol and was spiralling. One evening my sisters partner sexually abused me, I was young, confused and scared and sought the help of my mum.
The advice was to stay quiet and leave it be, ‘it was the once and not worth hurting my sister over’. (Horrifying to type let alone say out loud 12 years later). I was in denial for a long time, believing in my later teens and early adulthood that I was in some way responsible for what happened. I love my sister and I have fought with the morals of not having told her what happened. Of course I want my sister at the wedding but I can’t have him there! I have spoken with my mum at length and albeit she can see why I wouldn’t want that she has also said that I need to invite him to ensure no damage is done to the family as a whole. It hurts deeply that they are focused on my sisters reaction to the potential news and that I am being asked to ignored what he did to save face again. I am no longer 18 and feel that I should stand up for myself and stop running scared of being pushed out of the family for respecting myself and my FH’s wishes. There are threats of family members not coming if he isn’t invited and I am at the end of my emotional tether... So my question is, do I stick with what I believe is right and not invite him or ignore the situation and move on. Note- my FH is aware of what happened with him and he is strongly of the opinion he cannot be there! Has never said anything as it pre dates him by about 8 years.
Any advice would be hugely appreciated, thank you all for reading!
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