Family Issues

I’m sorry but they need to suck it up , it’s your day and they need to put their personal feelings to one side and not be causing stress to you. They don’t have to speak to him if they choose not to but if they love you they should be there to support you. Hope you can resolve this x

View quoted message Thanks so much for taking the time to reply I feel as though this has put a major damper on our day. On one hand I can see why they don’t want to be under the same roof but in the other hand I can’t see why they can’t put it aside for one day for me. They have put me in the position where I feel I have to choose between both of them and it would be them one million percent but it’s not just my day it’s also my fiancé’s and he wants his brother there too. I just don’t want to fall out with my only family over this, I’m hurt but if they choose not to be there I’ll have to accept it but in the other hand I’m not sure if they will be offended by me not choosing for them to be there it’s the worst situation ever x

Yup, I’m with marcie on this one. You have to invite who you want (or have) to invite. They are adults and can make their own decisions, including avoiding each other if they don’t get on. The day is about you, not them. I have a similar thing where some people on different sides of the family don’t speak, from a very bad falling out years ago. I won’t seat them at the same table, but other than that it’s up to them to either suck it up for the day and be civil, or to avoid each other. Tell each side that the other will be there, or at least that they’re invited, and you don’t expect them to get on but they’re aware and prepared, and how they choose to handle the situation after that is up to them, but should not involve you

View quoted message Thanks so much for your advice, both of you have made me feel better about the situation it’s good to get advice from people who look from outside the box I just don’t want to ruin my relationship with my only family, it’s supposed to be a happy time for me and all it’s done is cause me stress. Hopefully in time they will change there mind and be there for me x

The day is about you and your H2B, if they want to be there for you 2 they will be. they should really put their differences aside even if its just for the day. They dont even have to communicate with eachother. I mean this in the nicest way possible but if you meant that much to them then they would be there for you no matter what..I really hope you get it sorted x

I agree with previous posters. No one is forcing you to choose between them. THEY are the ones who are choosing to behave like spoiled brats.

If they truly care for you, they will be prepared to put aside their feelings for ONE DAY to make you happy. It's not as if they have to spend the whole day arm in arm with your BIL - at most, they are going to have to be a few feet away from him in some group photos.

If anyone tries the drama of 'you're forcing me not to come to your wedding because you've invited x', simply reply that the guest list is fixed, that you are saddened and upset that their dislike of x outweighs their love for you but that they are free to make their own choice. Leave the ball in their court. It's up to them if they behave like mature adults or spoiled toddlers.

View quoted message Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, now that I’ve had a few weeks to think about things and accept things I agree with you all it’s just really sad for me the way they have put it across to me is that they can’t guarantee they won’t put the place up in the air and that’s why they are eliminating themselves. I still haven’t spoken to them again which I feel is really sad too as they both could see how upset I was over there decision. But I am going to leave it in there court and hopefully by March they will change there minds. X

View quoted message Thanks so much for replying too, it’s just really sad for me but there isn’t anything I can do,, I’m not going to change anything I don’t feel that’s fair on us and I agree I can’t see why they can’t put there differences aside for one day for me.

I totally agree with marcie i hope you sort this out its meant to be about you an your partner not anyone else good luck x💗

View quoted message So I contacted my brother to thank him for my sons birthday grift that he dropped off and left at door and just basically told him how upset I was over his decision/choice and that I wanted to come up and see them to sort things out he’s basically got back saying he didn’t have a choice no ifs or buts that I must have known he wldnt be there if my BIL was and that my FH has put his brother before me I’ve backed him and if I had the same loyalty to him things might have worked out. He also said it was the plan all along and it was a piss take him paying deposits for kilts/hotel thinking everything was rosy and it came across to them that I wasn’t upset and seen it as one of those things. I’ve tried to call him he’s not answering I’ve messaged him asking for him to call and he replied saying he doesn’t have much else to say right now and to hang of coming up as things still aren’t right and he doesn’t need anymore drama. I’m absolutely gutted he’s making me feel as if I’m in the wrong and at no point has he put into consideration how I’m feeling and how this is affecting me. To me it’s coming across as if he wants me to choose him over my FH and for him to back me up

I am sorry its not sorted its hard when family dont get on i wish you all the best and hope things work out x💗

View quoted message Thanks Michelle I’m just so shocked upset and angry at the same time I really didn’t expect this I can’t even enjoy planning my wedding for worrying and stressing x

It is hard but its about you an h2b not anyone else. Carry on with your planning dont let family ruin your plans its your day not theres i hope it all goes well an you have an amazing day x🌈 Thinking of you both x💗

View quoted message Thanks so much Michelle, I hope you have an a amazing day too 💗xx

View quoted message I wish i could hun but because of my family its of we have a year to decide what we want to do if my h2b comes back home that is his havent spoke properly for 2 weeks just silly messages x Please dont let family spoil it for you trust me you 2 are all that matter x💗

View quoted message Omg Michelle I’m new here so I had no idea you were dealing with a similar situation that’s just awful. Do you mind me asking have you booked your wedding and it’s in a year and that why you have until then to decide? Are you in a position your torn between your family and your h2b and that caused problems between you and your h2b ? X.


I just feel as I’ve lost both my parents I always look up to my brother as he’s my only close family and it’s as if I’ve really let him down by my husband asking his brother but on the other hand he wants me to to what he’s not happy with ie choose him over my h2b to suit him albeit he’s not in the wrong when it comes to his brother x
I really hope your ok this is supposed to be a happy time for us both 💗x

View quoted message Hi its okay my plan was registry office with our 3 children always been the plan family friends have always known what we wanted to do but wasnt happy but now i have planned it all i went out with friends they found my dress in my wardrobe while we were getting ready lets just say we didnt go out havent spoken to them since they have now told my family who arent talkin which caused loads of problems between me an h2b i just want to marry him after 19 years why cant they see all i want is to be happy Family are so hard x. I hope it works out for you x

View quoted message That’s shocking were they really your friends if it was my friend if I approved or not of there h2b and if everything fell to pieces (like I told you so) I’d still be there to pick up the prices with them that’s what friends are for. I can’t believe 19 years and 3 kids later they still can’t accept your happiness. You only live once so what makes you happy 💗x

View quoted message Im just glad it isent a big wedding like all you other brides x yes thats what im thinking now my family dont really like my h2b because b4 i met him i was a party girl my family like a drink an a party but my partner is the opposite thats what i like about him if i hadnt have met him i would probably be a mess but im not like what they want me to be but its what i want xx i have a good job nice house and 3 beautiful kids what more could i ask for x💗 My family and friends to be happy for us but that aint happening x 💗

Have you decided what ypu want to do ?💗

View quoted message That’s awful they should be so proud of what you have and what you have achieved, life isn’t always about partying, stay strong and concentrate on your own team 💗


Aw I don’t know what to do I’m going to hang off a few weeks and try and contact my bro again I think if he doesn’t want to speak to me I’ll leave it as it is. I’m not changing my plans I’m going to try and have an amazing day with or without hin, i cant possibly ask my FH to uninvited his brother that would cause me more stress and fall out in his side and he ain’t willing to do that anyway it’s just horrible x

View quoted message Life sucks i do hope your brother comes round if not just make sure you remember its about you and f2b x💗

View quoted message That’s what I’m hoping for 💗x

View quoted message Im hopin for you good luck x💗

View quoted message Thank you 💗 I really hope you can sort things out too x

Your wedding is about you and your fiance, they should be able to put their drama aside for the day. I'd let your brother calm down a little and then approach the subject with him again, if he's still digging his heels in then tell him he needs to grow up, it's bad enough your parents won't be there without him adding to the stress.

I agree with the comments above

View quoted message Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply It’s one of the worst situations ever to be in my bil is a wrong one but I can’t change it’s his brother or change his actions and i still feel my bro shld be there for me x

View quoted message Thanks so much I really appreciate your advice x