So here's the situation, my parents (together) have very kindly agreed to pay for the majority of the wedding. FH parents (divorced) are starting to get a little opinionated... FH's dad is paying for part of the cost of the photographer, FH's mum is paying for nothing.
We've booked a small 50 person (all day though to evening) destination wedding.
Parents and siblings are invited, plus FH's grandparents (mine are no longer with us). The rest of the guestlist is friends.
Now FH's parents aren't happy that no uncles and aunts are invited. They think it's only four people and we could squeeze them in. However, my family feel that (a) we should have the friends wedding we wanted that they originally agreed to pay for and (b) if FH's family are invited theirs should be too... however, my mum and her brother are in an awful period and I know both him being there or also the thought of the rest of the uncles and aunts being their without him would make her cry, so I'd rather neither of those situations happened, additionally my family are also significantly closer to my dad's cousins than our biological aunts and uncles but there are a lot of them to the extent that at this point would mean disinviting guests (we only have a small number of spots currently unassigned). FH's family just doesn't get why it feels completely rude and unfair to my family if FH were to cut 4 of his friends and invite his aunts and uncles (leaving me with only my parents). FH was originally v on side and we made this original decision together, but he's getting ground down and struggling to remember what he originally wanted 
FMIL is apparently also likely to kick up a fuss that she's the only single person of her generation there (FFIL has a new partner) and therefore the aunts and uncles should be there so she has 'friends'... but they are all in married so she'd still be the only single one! I've been toying with offering her a plus one, but we've not been doing them at all and I'm not sure if it's too much of an overcompensation to give up another spot when the guest list is already hard to whittle down, and her own father will be there and her daughter so she's not alone, and her family is already taking up more spots than mine as their immediate family is bigger.
Next up is the wedding party. We've asked my brother to be an usher alongside a close male friend who my brother is also close with so they make a good double act (we're not treating these as "groomsmen" but traditional UK ushers who seat guests and they'll also emcee the reception). FH's sister is not going to be a bridesmaid - FH only wanted me to have three to keep costs down, and I've already asked them as he wasn't bothered about his sister having a role. But now it's starting to bubble up amongst his family that this is unfair because my brother is in the wedding party but his sister isn't. We were originally going to ask her to be a witness but because we're having a humanist ceremony this will happen in a very boring way on a different day - and we're finding it nearly impossible to book a date near our wedding and she lives far away so it is looking impractical. FH also thinks she won't want to do a reading, also kinda doesn't want us to have readings anyway, or do a speech, or be a groomswoman, so it's basically bridesmaid or nothing. I would prefer not to have someone I've so far only met twice as my bridesmaid, especially as I'm quite an anxious person and would really appreciate just having my closest friends at my hen, getting ready with me, and walking down the aisle.
I'm freaking out because we're due to go and visit FH's family soon, and I really want to feel strong on what lines I'm drawing rather than unsure and risk agreeing to or saying something that I'll regret (they are all much bigger personalities than me), but I also want to be kind to everyone and not put anyone in a position where they hate our wedding or mean that anyone's dreading it for the next 18months
So - please give me a reality check here - I'm very aware I'm getting super emotional about all of this, but am I being a bridezilla and should I really be agreeing to some/all of these things?
P.S. I know I've been posting a lot recently, so sorry if anyone's getting sick of me and I really appreciate the responses! (Can you tell I'm in a flurry of wedding mania?!)
