fmil issues.....help

This is not uncommon, and you need to nip it in the bud right now or the demands will continue and escalate. the situation with your FFIL is obviously upsetting, however, if your FH is OK with not bringing the wedding forward then that is your choice. Do not take the money, as you say it comes with conditions and if you do take it she will push her agenda even more and hold it against you.

In terms of her other demands, your FH needs to politely explain that whilst there is etiquette this is not a rule and this is your day so she needs to respect your decisions. it is also not just about one side of the family, I had a similar issue with my mum (she decided after having met my FIL's for 5 minutes, she didn't like them!) and had to firmly tell her we wanted to include people from both sides and there had to be a cut off, and that we would invite people we wanted to OUR wedding. I explained that we only wanted people at or involved in the ceremony who were a major part of our lives, and this did not include the people she wanted, and as it is our day that is our choice. it is a hard one, it annoys me that people feel it is OK to demand things on your day and actually upset the bride/groom, and I pushed that back on her as she was saying she was upset and embarrassed we hadn't invited xyz, but I said your demands are upsetting me, the Bride, and do you think that is ok?? She eventually backed down, carried on bitching to people about it, but as I said, if anyone has a problem or question they can talk to me and I am happy to explain our decision, it is not her place.

Please try not to let it stress you out, as long as you and your FH are on the same page then plan the day you want and IF she starts again with demands then let your FH deal with her, you dont need the stress x

I have never once listened to someone plan their wedding and thought "you know what i'm gonna do? I'm gonna tell them who to invite, what they need to do and also have a big moan if i dont get my own way"

Honestly what is wrong with people! Bar just telling everyone to piss off (which i'm at the stage of now ) you just have to remind them that it isn't their day and unfortunately you'll get it a lot with in laws!

Can only really echo Charlotte's comments here - honestly this forum is a godsend for FMIL venting! I've had many, many issues with FMIL making unreasonable demands or rude comments, it's been tough for me, oftentimes tougher for FH but we were saying just yesterday how glad we were to keep standing our ground. If you give into this it'll be something else and something else, and tbh it probably won't end at your wedding it'll be the dynamic for the rest of your lives! Definitely think now is a good time for FH to stand his ground, for you to do what works for you as a couple, and if that's totally different to what FMIL would do well it's not her wedding and it's not her life so she doesn't have to like it but she does have to learn to accept it because it is YOUR decision.