We've having a very small legal ceremony one week in advance of our main wedding (as my oldest friend is officiating this and that's not legal!). We've already told immediate family the plan, that we'd have 4 guests each for this little one, FH has spoken to his mother on the phone about it, and then we all spoke about it a few weeks ago when we visited.
We picked Marylebone because it's the trainline FMIL and FSIL's town goes into in London, a Saturday because she works (my parents, FH's dad all retired) and a late morning ceremony so she could get back and forth same day after lunch. She does this journey semi-regularly as a day trip with friends. Marylebone is a faff for my family, they have to drive, train, tube... officiant friend lives abroad so will have to fly out a week early to make this legal one as well... but they are completely happy to do it to make it easy for FMIL and not cause any dramas. It's a small faff for me and FH, but totally doable and again I wanted to keep FMIL happy and not cause a complaint if we chose our local registry office which is easy for us and my fam.
Anyway, we noticed prices going up, so sent a message to our invitees saying we were planning on booking X date and time let us know if any problems.
FMIL: "Who's invited?" (nothing else)
FH: "You, dad, dad's long-term partner, sister. Chloe's inviting her parents, brother and officiant friend."
FMIL: "Is [dad's partner] immediate family now?! You do know things aren't symmetrical don't you?" (implication if this being I should cut my best friend who's basically a brother, FH should cut dad's partner and FH's grandparents go instead)
FH: "I guess not technically, but I thought I'd invite her rather than choosing just one grandparent or something, felt like it made most sense. But I can invite Best Man instead if that would be better for you?"
FMIL: "Why on earth would that be better?! It's also a lot of travelling you expect me to do but I guess if everyone else is willing..."
FSIL gets involved: "Just spoke to mum. She thinks our grandparents should be there, I'd hate for them to miss out so they can have my spot and you can just squeeze me in the back like you were going to do with Best Man or I just won't come so they can." (errr there was no squeezing in the back he was taking a spot)
Basically, I'm really cross. This was supposed to be a nice day out for immediate family and I think it's really rude that she's just complaining and not letting FH invite who he wants. FH was really upset about it. I kept my cool and then slept on it, and calmly suggested that maybe we don't make it a thing, especially as FMIL and FSIL don't seem that bothered and like it's going to be a pain for them, and instead we just get married in the cheaper registry office local to us, on a weekday that also makes it cheaper, and whoever wants to can turn up but no problem if not - which FH then suggested. Silence all day. Then she had a massive go on the phone and said he was being really rude just expecting her to turn up with no notice (errr about 11months and three conversations!!) and oh she's still cross that we're not inviting the aunts and uncles to our main wedding but she will come to Marylebone only if we book the bigger room so grandparents can come! ARGH
FH's understandably upset. He's erring to just appeasing her and going for the bigger room and original plan. I'm feeling like f**k that let's just do our local and put the £500 difference towards the honeymoon, if she wants to make the effort then fine (she can drive back and forth in a day no problem) but I'm not breaking my back to make everything easier for her and making everyone faff about if she's just going to complain and I just kind of feel like she's tainted what was supposed to be a nice thing now!
I also suggested FH and I just run off and do the legal solo with random witnesses but bless him he doesn't want to do that because my mum's so excited to walk me down the aisle and do a little speech at the legal one
At my wit's end! Any advice lovely people?