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Beginner April 2023 South Yorkshire

Guest help

Faye, 29 June, 2022 at 03:17 Posted on Planning 0 24

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Hello all
I am needing some advice regarding my guests. My partner and I have reached the max capacity of day guest, to the point that even the venue has told us that there is literally no more room available. We love the venue so changing this is out of the question. We decided on no partners for many guest, friends and family, due to the fact that again there is not enough space.
Most guests understand but I am having a difficult time with cousins not being able to bring their boyfriends. Part of me feel guilty but the other half of me is angry about this as the way they have basically said it is that they come with their partners or they won’t come at all. I have explained that there is physically no more room, they aren’t the only ones and if by any chance someone drops our, then they could have a spot but this is not guaranteed.
Am I in the wrong? What else can I say to make them understand? Are they wrong for basically putting pressure on me?

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24 replies

Latest activity by Faye, 28 March, 2023 at 10:16

Savvy March 2024 Durham
Adele · 29 June, 2022 at 07:59
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You are not in the wrong at all. Personally if it was my wedding i would rather they don't come at all if they're saying if they can't bring their boyfriend they won't come. Its not like they won't know other people if they're you're family so there's no excuse for them giving you a hard time
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Beginner April 2023 South Yorkshire
Faye · 29 June, 2022 at 08:23
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Thank you for this, you’re so right! They have all of their family there, including myself. I would have thought they wanted to see me get married but I suppose they view me differently
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Dedicated July 2022 Co Londonderry
Ali312 · 29 June, 2022 at 08:50
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Are they married to their partners or have been with them for a while? If yes, I'd be inviting them. Otherwise I think once you've given them a bit of time to think things over if they're still saying that just say 'I'm sorry you can't make it'. I guess at the end of the day it's their decision - you've given them your situation and if they decide not to come then they won't. Not much you can do really if there's not space.
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Beginner April 2023 South Yorkshire
Faye · 29 June, 2022 at 08:52
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They aren’t married no
True! It’s not like I have singled out one, it’s the majority of guest from both sides as the room literally has no seats left
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Dedicated July 2022 Co Londonderry
Ali312 · 29 June, 2022 at 08:55
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I mean as long as they're not your best friends, then just give yourself room to breathe and let them go eventually. Otherwise you'll be stressed about the situation for ages I had the same issue, trying to understand why some of my guests were so stubborn about something similar too, but just ignored it eventually.
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VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
Charlotte · 29 June, 2022 at 09:09
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We had a similar issue and whilst it is hard, you have to do what is right for you. We actually didn't invite any cousins to the day and they and their family were invited to come in the evening, so is that an option? If not then is up to them and if they decline you need to accept that and move on. Is your wedding and you are happy with the venue. People forget how expensive it is to host a wedding and I don't think anyone should complain, it is a privilege to be invited to a wedding. We deliberately chose a smaller capacity venue for our ceremony to avoid this situation, as I am not close to my cousins but have 14 of them, so by the time you add partners/kids it adds up! We did have a couple of drop outs but didn't offer the place to anyone else as we knew that would cause arguments about why we choose to offer to a certain person and not the other, so was much easier to just not re fill the place.
Stick to your guns, if they mention it again just polity say you have explained the reasons and that is your final position on the matter, it is then their choice and whilst you would be upset if they didn't come due to not having their partner there, you will respect their decision as you are simply asking them to respect yours. It is not like they wont know anyone there as your family will be there so in my opinion they need to grow up and respect you! Wishing you all the best, but please don't let it stress you out
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Savvy April 2023 West Yorkshire
Becky · 29 June, 2022 at 09:10
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Nope you are not in the wrong at all! Is there room in the evening do? Nothing wrong with saying - max for the day but more than welcome in the evening?
If they are still being awkward as others have said "really sorry you won't be there". On the bright side if a few decided not to go a couple of the other boyfriends could come hah! X
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Beginner April 2023 South Yorkshire
Faye · 29 June, 2022 at 09:24
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Yes they are definitely invited to the evening
Very true
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Beginner April 2023 South Yorkshire
Faye · 29 June, 2022 at 09:24
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Thank you 🤍🤍
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Beginner April 2023 South Yorkshire
Faye · 29 June, 2022 at 09:25
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So true!!!!
Thank you so much
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VIP July 2024 Cheshire
Michelle · 29 June, 2022 at 15:47
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Its your wedding do what you want i hate it when people have a say on what is your wedding not theres i dont speak to my family and friends because of mine but like the others said if their not married and are invited later on then there shouldnt be a problem do what you and h2b want and enjoy your planning x💗
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Beginner April 2023 South Yorkshire
Faye · 29 June, 2022 at 15:51
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Awhhh thank you for this
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VIP July 2024 Cheshire
Michelle · 29 June, 2022 at 15:58
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Anytime just remember whos wedding it is good luck if you need advice you will get so much help on here x💗
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Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 29 June, 2022 at 19:46
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Regarding couples who are in 'committed' relationships (i.e. married, engaged, living together), it is usually considered poor etiquette to invite one half of the couple but not the other. If the couple are just dating, then only inviting the one that you know is fine. But even if you decided to split up married couples, there's no law preventing you - It's your wedding, so you can invite who you like! But at the same time, guests are free to decline if they don't wish to come, whether that's because you are having a child-free wedding, a 'no partners unless we've met them' wedding or anything else.
So in short, no you're not wrong to exclude your cousins' partners. But neither are they wrong to decline to come without their partners.
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Beginner August 2022 West Sussex
Michelle · 30 June, 2022 at 11:50
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You are totally not in the wrong. If they are being like that sod them, thier lose, you have more important things to stress about!
Have a great day!!
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Beginner September 2022 East London
Millie · 1 July, 2022 at 14:29
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Not in the wrong! If they don't want to come without their partners, you kill two birds one stone - extra room It's you and your partners day, don't let others make it stressful, especially when you've done your best to accommodate!
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Curious June 2023 Devon
Tiff · 4 July, 2022 at 00:17
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At the end of the day, it's your wedding; you and your partner need to do what's best for you both. Your true friends will understand and not taking it personally. I'm not inviting my family to my wedding because I don't get along with them, and I don't want the drama on my big day x
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Beginner August 2022 Berkshire
Amy · 4 July, 2022 at 20:21
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No you're not in the wrong at all, they should respect this. It's your big day not theirs and if they don't come just because their partners aren't invited then stuff it you'll be too occupied and having a good time to notice anyway x
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Beginner June 2023 Kent
Puja · 5 July, 2022 at 21:04
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You are not wrong.
Have a reserved list, if the people you have invited don’t rsvp then invite your cousins partners
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Curious June 2023 Oxfordshire
Rebecca · 5 July, 2022 at 22:08
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You're not in the wrong at all and it sounds like their priorities are a bit questionable. It is yours and your other half's day and shouldn't be worrying about others. You won't be able to please everyone and those who genuinely can come/want to come will. It sounds like this is a really common issue in wedding planning. It's about what the two of you want, not bending to others.
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Dedicated July 2023 Cambridgeshire
Laura · 27 March, 2023 at 16:29
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Weddings are weird. I feel like if you were having a birthday party there would be none of this drama, but a lot of people have strong opinions about who you should invite to your wedding, even if they aren't close enough to know you that well! I think weddings are such a significant cost that anyone who is invited can decide to accept or decline based on the type of invite it is, that could be for many reasons such as can't get childcare, can't afford to travel and stay over. You will not please everyone and you need to do what's best for you, as everyone else has said. I have tried to apply a consistent approach to my side of the guest list so I feel that I have done everything I can to be fair and reasonable. Good luck - this is the most stressful part in my opinion!
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Beginner April 2023 South Yorkshire
Faye · 27 March, 2023 at 20:32
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Awh thank you!!!
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Dedicated July 2023 Cambridgeshire
Laura · 28 March, 2023 at 07:58
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Also I realise now this thread is old, I must have stumbled across it through search - I hope you sorted all the guest list stuff out and are now just looking forward to your wedding!
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