Having family members at the wedding who you really rather not invite ?

Never invite anyone assuming they won't come.

You need to weigh up the fallout from not inviting them against the impact they will have on your wedding if they do come.

I caused some family drama by not inviting all my uncles and aunts! But a couple of them had met my OH frequently, been very supportive during our dating relationship and will be an ongoing part of our lives. The others, I haven't seen for years, we have no communication apart from a Christmas card each year, and two of them turned down an invite to a family reunion (they made it clear they could have come, just didn't want to!) We didn't want people at our wedding that we didn't both know, so they didn't get invited.

My view is that people you see so infrequently/dislike so much that you don't want them at your wedding are no loss if they do decide to cut you after anyway!

View quoted message When I’ve spoken to my dad about the wedding I’ve never mentioned my step mums kids and he’s never brought it up .. it’s my mum who mentioned it as she was like you can’t forget these people blah blah however my partner said it’s our day and their not part of our life now what’s 2 years to go going to make a difference of them wanting to be at our big day xx

I think I will be having this problem.
We only want a max of 20 people.
One of my brothers girlfriends, we rarely see and don't really talk ethier but she always sends us gifts. They been together a while and she is lovely but I don't know if my brother will be with her forever? The other one, he lives with her but I have only seen her three times I think over the course of 4 years? We never speak. I can't even tell you her second name! We only want close family but unfortunately I don't regard these two as close family so I don't know what to do. As above I wouldn't invite anyone and assume they won't go.

View quoted message It’s the my step mums kids that I know wouldn’t come as we don’t have anything to do with each other at all , it’s a complicated situation as them two including my little brother have been given money and cars etc through the years of dad and her being together and I’ve had nothing .. we will see just got to be bigger person and invite them and if they don’t come it’s their loss as I’m sure their mum would need someone to keep her company while my dad ‘knows’ more people xx

What will be will be … not going to effect our big day either way ..

I feel your pain. My mum has gone berserk as we are not inviting cousins to the day, I have 18 of them along with all their offspring it was going to take half our numbers, and in honesty I don't see them, speak to them or particularly like them! She was not impressed that we have 20 friends coming as she feels these places should go to family. I had to have a conversation and explain that it is our day, we are paying for it and we want people at the ceremony who have actually been part of our life, and the cousins can come to the evening but I am not changing my mind, I don't want to upset people but what's the alternative, I am upset by trying to please others. i would. as above, don't assume people wont come, and then you will be stuck and no doubt feel resentment. I think you have to stick with your choice, not that you should have to justify it, but you can explain that due to cost you have had to cut the list down to people you have connection with and actually see, you don't want to upset people but they should respect your decision for your wedding. good luck

I have this issue too. I have a half sister that I haven't seen in a few years. I'm old enough to be her mum so we've never been close or lived together. However not inviting her will anger my father, who I'm also not close to and we barely speak these days. Cousins are easier and I'm just inviting the ones I actually like and see. My take is only invite people you want to share your celebration with and it's no one else's business. However my fiancee doesn't want any drama and wants me to invite my half sister.


It's so tough though!

Im not inviting anyone only one person that would love to have been thete is h2bs mum but she passed away 3 years ago x💗

Thank you girls for your advice
Yeah we’re only aloud up for 60 guests for the wedding all together and them three didn’t come up in thought of inviting them, only when my mum was like don’t forget ‘them lot on your dads side ‘.
We’re just going to see how we feel closer to when we send the save the dates and invites out and go from there..We’ve got all the family we want there and these three are just the ones where it’s like ugh.Me too I’ve got to have a chat with my mum and dad as they are going to have to be nice to each other just for one day …
Thank you again 🥰

View quoted message Us too my partners dad passed away nearly four years ago and I know he’d be so excited that we’ve got this amazing wedding to plan ..
He will be there in spirit 😇

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If you're inviting your brothers, then you really do need to invite their partners. You can't exclude them on the basis that 'the relationship might not last', because that's true of anyone - you could invite a couple who've been married 30 years and they could split up the week after your wedding! You can just about get away with inviting one group of cousins but not the others, if you see one group a lot more, but sending an invite to one half of a couple and not the other would cause serious offence. Especially when it's a sibling and their partner.

View quoted message It's not that it might not last but my brother isn't as serious as she is :-(

View quoted message Yes he will.x just do whats best for you both not others hope it goes well dont let it stress you out x💗

View quoted message I agree with this and have recently been on the receiving end. My brother got married this year, other brother had a +1 for his (latest) girlfriend, sister's husband was invited. No +1 for me. I got divorced (from a 15 year marriage) a couple of years ago and am in a 'new' relationship but he wasn't invited. It felt really shitty tbh and I was offended. Especially when brother did split with his latest girlfriend and my DP still wasn't invited to the day. We attended the evening only as I knew there were so few of my side of the family there I would feel awkward.

View quoted message That happened at my cousins wedding about 5 years for my mum she wasn’t able to have a +1 felt sorry for her as all she wanted was somebody to keep her company through the day while all the rest of the family was in ‘couples ‘ xx

View quoted message My brother has just got out a relationship and he probs have new one by my wedding knowing him however us sisters know the vibe don’t we if we know something isn’t just right 😂😂

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My husband got an invite to a friend's wedding last year which didn't include me. They also informed him that another woman would be there who had a crush on him... Still trying to work out how they even thought that might be appropriate...

I have some family I dont want to invite eg. My aunt and cousin on my dads side.
I'll probably have problems not sending them a save the date but if you dont want someone there on your special day you shouldn't have to invite them.
The thing is yes it might cause arguments if you don't send a save the date. But there has to be a reason you dont want them there which most likely means if they come it wont make you day as special. Yes you have that chance they might say no but theres also a chance they'll come to your wedding. If you feel the need to send a save the date to them then go ahead but you must remember theres a chance of them turning up to your day. So if them being at your wedding will ruin it for you then dont send one and make sure they don't know the time or place its happening.
Congratulations on your engagement by the way

There's a few people I'm not inviting from my family because I know how it'll go. I'm also not inviting any of my dad's side and probably not even him tbh. X

View quoted message Thank you you made me normal in the people I don’t want to invite are all on my dads side too 😂😂 xx

View quoted message 🤣😂 must be a dad thing 😂 xx

View quoted message Yeah that’s what I am worrying as I don’t want them there.. I’m going to speak to my dad about his dad the start of the year next year before sending the save the dates out
Wish me luck

View quoted message Good luck. But please if you really dont want them there domt send them save the dates. Your special day doesnt need to be ruined by family you dont want there x

We’ve already sent out save the dates and planning on sending out invites before Christmas. However we have people on my fiancé’s side that I don’t think deserve an invite at all and they are his brothers! He has three siblings who make zero effort. I’ve not even met his sister and we’ve been together 6 years. I’ve met both brothers once at a dinner that my fiancé organised to introduce me when we first started seeing each other. His family have barely any contact, his mum is elderly so doesn’t use a mobile and never calls us, it’s always other ways round. They barely send presents or cards and the final straw for me was this week when my fiancé was 50 and no one from his family contacted him to say happy birthday. Unbelievable, he was really annoyed, I could tell but he didn’t make a scene as we were away on holiday with my parents who also couldn’t believe it. Plus my parents are paying for the reception so they are forking out for a dinner for people who don’t deserve it! So tricky as if we don’t invite them to the whole thing, his mum will be upset!

Update girls
We’ve been to the venue today to show my dad and his ‘wife’ for the first time as they want to feel ‘involded’
I mentioned to his wife about her ‘kids ‘ being invited and I got the vibes that they won’t be coming .. that’s fine with me just I don’t want to waste money on them if they don’t come.. also I’m trying to get my step mum involved in little things however she’s just putting her nose up at everything 🤨 stressing me out as I’m trying to build this relationship with them and it’s like I’m still the one who’s making all the effort .. it’s bad enough I’m worried about my mum and dad being the same room don’t need his wife causing conflict between my dad and I when we’re slowly building up something ☹️☹️X

I’m just trying to be the ‘ Adult ‘ and go forward not backwards ..and for one day I just want my OH and I to have a amazing day without worrying about what everybody else is doing ..


Ps drama is all my side not my OH side is all calm and all get on 😊

Personally, I would leave your stepmum to it and focus on your relationship with your dad. You’ve tried to involve her and she’s not engaged so I wouldn’t try any further.
If terms of your stepmum’s children, I guess if they’re not likely to come then there may not be any point in inviting them. Plus you don’t sound keen on having them there anyway so just stick to the people you do want there.

View quoted message Thank you so much , yeah it’s just frustrating as my dad is like make an effort with her blah blah which I am and she’s not giving any back.. most of the time she’s just got her arms crossed and moaning..
and yeah for her kids I wasn’t too bothered just got my head around it that they may have to be there just because .. ah well at least when I’m doing a photograph list I don’t have to do one with and without them in it ..

I have a similar problem I am mother of the groom and he has 2 brothers the wife of one is a bridesmaid but because bride does not like or get on with the other she is only inviting the brother and not her. My husband died a couple of years ago so will be first family event he is not here for so that will also be playing on the grooms mind is it fair on the bride to cause a family fall out which she knows will happen