Skip to main content
ARE YOU A BUSINESS?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

T
Greater Manchester

Help!? How to say you don't want to be a bridesmaid 3 months before wedding

Tilly Rose, 18 March, 2022 at 07:43 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 4
Saved
Reply
Hi , I need some help please I really don't want to be a bridemaid anymore it's like a cloud hanging over me and I feel so awful because I know how important it is , it was planned pre covid and me and the bride were quite close it's been rearranged twice since then because of covid and is in 3 months time , there are 5 bridesmaids including me and last year sometime bride sugggested the night before shenanigans for us all and us bridesmaids pay 250 each it was abit steep but I agreed because everyone else did and I've been paying her off slowly and still owe about 100 ish anyway , I went to try my dress on about 2 weeks ago and in this covid period I've had a baby put on some weight and my dress didn't fit 😩 bride said I have a spare dress I can see about getting the 2 sewn together , I know I'm probably being sensitive but I have been so upset by the comment I don't think she realised what she said was quite hurtful anyway , so then yesterday she messaged me and said the dress has been taken the alterations women and can I pay 35 so that she has payed the same for each bridemaid so I said ok are we al paying for our own alterations she said each dress is 30 pound and she is putting 25 towards each dress but because I have 2 dresses now my total is 60 so I can make up from the 25 she's putting to and I just feel so pissed off , am I being out of
Order ? Am I being dramatic ? Or sensitive ! We arnt really close anymore and we only see each other really because of the wedding plan which are few and far between , my dad had a really bad accident last week and she was asking me about when I can go in for alterations and I said I had a lot on and told her what was going on and she hasn't messaged the ask how he is , or how am I ? I just can't decide if I'm being selfish and should just pay the rest of what I owe her for the night before and pay for the alterations and grin and bear it and cut ties after or to say I don't want to be a bridesmaid and pay what I owe her for the night before or just say I don't want to be one the end, sorry for the waffle but I am so torn

4 replies

Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 19 March, 2022 at 17:31
  • T
    Rockstar May 2022 Oxfordshire
    Tamsin ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    That’s really tough and I don’t quite know what to recommend. I hope you’re Dad’s doing okay!


    If you really don’t want to be friends with the bride any more then pulling out is an option - I don’t mean that in a bad way because she sounds like she’s being pretty harsh to you, and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to be friends with her any more!
    If you think there is a relationship to salvage, you could try to gently draw her attention to how insensitive she has been. Why does she even have a spare bridesmaids dress? That seems like a cost she already has that she’s now just lumped on to you.
    The other option of to just step back as much as you can without actually quitting. Tell her you need to focus on your Dad’s health and that comes first, and don’t attend any more meetings/appointments unless you actually have to (like the fitting). It’s not unreasonable that a parent’s health is more important to you than her wedding!
    One of my BMs might miss my hen do because her partner’s mother is unwell and she lives in Spain, so they may need to go out to see her. My only worry is the Mother’s health - of course I would love my BM at my do but more than that, I want her family to be happy and healthy!!
    • Reply
  • H
    Dedicated May 2022
    HappyGoldBridesmaid18836 ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    Sorry to hear about your dad, I hope he’ll be ok.
    I think you need to make it clear to your friend that your dad needs to be your priority for then next few weeks at least. Hopefully she’ll be supportive of this and you can both move forward. However, if it becomes clear there is no friendship to salvage that it may be best to step away. X
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    Sorry this is happening at a time you need your friend xx think the best thing is to tell her how you feel x Thinking of you and family hope dad okay xx💗
    • Reply
  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    I hope your dad is ok.

    It sounds as if you have a number of different concerns with your friend.

    1) You're not happy with the £250 cost of the 'pre wedding' event and are struggling to afford it, although you haven't told her that.

    2) You feel her comments about your weight were insensitive

    3) You are annoyed she is expecting you to pay for the new dress

    4) You are upset she hasn't asked about your dad.

    So with 1) if you didn't tell her at the time that you didn't want to pay that much, it's not really her fault. She probably thinks you are ok with it. Make sure that in future, you speak out if someone is arranging something you can't really afford, because if you don't tell them you're not happy, they won't know.

    With 2), I agree it does sound really tactless, but it's possible she was trying to joke about it and doesn't realise how it came across.

    With 3), I agree it is really odd that she is asking you to pay for two dresses - I could understand if she had to buy a new dress, or if she had already paid for alterations on one and was now having to pay for alterations on the second, but it sounds as if neither dress had been altered, and the 'new' one is simply one she had lying around. So I don't see why you can't simply swap dresses, since she won't be any worse off than she was before. It would be worth asking her about this

    4) It was really poor not to ask about your dad, but she may simply be feeling overwhelmed with the upcoming wedding and forgot.

    So I don't think any of these things are necessarily friendship-ending in and of themselves, it's more whether they are characteristic of her behaviour long term (i.e. is she usually rude & thoughtless or is this a new behaviour and therefore possibly due to wedding stress) and also whether you feel this friendship is worth continuing with long term.

    Dropping out at this stage without a good reason is highly likely to end the friendship. But if you don't plan to continue the friendship after the wedding anyway, dropping out now is simply going to save you having to spend a day with someone you don't care much about, feeling miserable. So it really boils down to how much you do or don't want this friendship to continue.

    Either way, you need to decide and let her know asap.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

What to Say When You Propose: 15 Proposal Speech Examples for Every Type of Couple
Planning Essentials What to Say When You Propose: 15 Proposal Speech Examples... From romantic to funny, these proposal speech examples will help you say exactly...
Historic Beauty and Luxury Await When You Say "Yes" to a Destination Malta Wedding
Ceremony and Reception Historic Beauty and Luxury Await When You Say "Yes" to a... Learn all about Malta, its rich history, its culture, and most importantly, its...
The Wedding Tax Myth: Why You Shouldn’t Lie to Wedding Suppliers to Save Money
Budget The Wedding Tax Myth: Why You Shouldn’t Lie to Wedding... Nearlyweds may think fibbing to suppliers saves money, but the truth is it can...
Read more articles

General groups

Show more

Hitched article topics