Help! My husband to be doesnt want my brother on the top table

So is the only reason your fiancé doesn’t like the idea is because he thinks your mum is demanding it?


Have you said that you would like him to be able to sit with your mum and you on the top table? You mention that your brother is in a suit so it sounds like he is party of the wedding party, is that right?
If you don’t want your brother up there then I would say, otherwise I would ask your other half why doesn’t want it?
Good luck

View quoted message Hey hun


My brother is only 19 and the loss of my dad was a shock he was 48 and yes he thinks that but it was a request as it is already a tough day him not being there.
My brother is the witness for signing the papers i asked him to walk me down the aisle but he got upset knowing thats dads job and hes quite shy too.
I want my brother there but my OH isnt getting my reasons why no matter how many times i break down and get upset.
My bridesmaids are sisters and one already has the "shes loved more than me" thing too hence why i dont have a MOH its tough xx but yes yhe top and bottom is that my OH doesnt want my brother on the top table x

And my mum only asked if he could and my OH said yes which is annoying xx

View quoted message I’m really sorry to hear that, I think family issues are the number 1 topic on here!


All I can suggest is putting it to your husband to be that it really won’t make any difference to him, but it will mean a lot and make a difference to both you and your brother.
It’s not like you are asking him to miss out or sacrifice anything and he probably won’t even notice on the day x

View quoted message Same here like i say its more for my mum than anything else since my dad died shes only had my brother really as i moved out in the december2017 as he passed away in the april 2018 so its still tough for us.


I thought he would understand given how close he was to my dad.
I couldnt do the maid of honour ive tried to tell my other half that hes the brother of honour but he wont have it and we end up in arguments xx

Never mind your wedding for a minute. I'm more concerned about your long term future.

You have lost your father only three years ago. You are finding it hard emotionally to face your father's absence at your wedding, and having your brother on the top table would be a comfort to both of you. But your fiancé is refusing to accept this even though this is causing you so much distress you are crying - sorry, but focusing on seating arrangements under these circumstances is a bit like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic - you should be far more worried about marrying a man who is so uncaring.

Is your fiance usually like this about things that deeply concern you? I am seriously worried about you marrying a guy who appears to care so little for your emotional welfare. What reason does he give for being so adamant in his refusal? To be honest, unless he has a really good reason for his attitude that you haven't mentioned, in your place, I would be having second thoughts about marrying him at all.

View quoted message Hey hun thank you for this.


He has said because my brother refused to walk me down the aisle etc in then he isnt really in the wedding party as such. My bro has since said he will be a witness and help with anything i need but im unsure if something has been said to him when im not there. The fact about the suits is i didnt know how things worked and i thought that the brothers wear the same if not similar suits to the groom anyway. I know my mums brother and dads brother had the same and they werent part of the immediate wedding party.

My brother is extremely quiet and we are so close its unbelieveable.
He has said i havent took his feelings into things and i have i just know if this was to be brought up to my mum after him agreeing with it there would be unnecessary drama that i really dont want ive already had it with my bridesmaids as i cancelled my own hen do.
Its an extremely stressful time and im being told by dragging my dad into it theres nothing he can say without him looking like the bad guy. Which im not wanting to do its hard my dads birthday is at the end of the month and im finding it tough but its causing me alot of stress my grandparents say by having my bro on the top table its something for my mum her safety barrier which i get.
I just dont want to feel that ive been a bridezilla when i really havent and it seems like he is xx

Your fiancé doesn’t sound very caring tbh, it won’t effect him in any way to have your brother on the top table. Hope you can resolve things x

View quoted message I agree with all of this. I hope you can sort it x

View quoted message Thanks all, its a stressful time getting married as it is without the added stress we have sat and talked things through so xx

Totally agree with everyone it needs sorting x

View quoted message

PLEASE get some counselling/pre marital prep before you marry. It sounds as if your fiancé has no idea of what it is like to be bereaved, but that still doesn't excuse his attitude. You should be free to say "I'm finding this aspect of the wedding particularly hard without my father - it would really help me feel less upset if we could do x instead of y" without being accused of 'dragging your father into it". That is a really shocking thing to say.

It is still comparatively early days after your father's loss, and you are going to face other bereavements in the future (not trying to be a downer, but just realistic - at some point, you are going to lose someone else you care about) - you need to know that your life partner is someone who will love and support you through this.

Believe me, knowing that you can trust your partner to support you through difficult times is far, far more important than any seating plan. If you have to delay the wedding to get this sorted, then delay it. Problems just don't 'go away' when you are married, so it's far better to face up to them now than a few years after your marriage.

Wishing you success in resolving this.

In my opinion brothers and sisters don't go on the top table that's for parents and bridesmaids + groomsmen but if you want your brother on the top table talk to your fiance