Housework Strike

You'll get lots of different opinions but in our house, we have a cleaner, but I do everything except for putting out the bins and unblocking the drain (and he does the cat litter when I'm pregnant but I have to nag him).

It's something we've argued about in the past and I've recently stopped putting his clothes away for him and I just pile them on the chair in our bedroom. When it gets full, I tell him I'm not washing any more clothes for him until he's put them away. I do sometimes have to treat him like a child.

We're pretty good at splitting it. I would love a cleaner but can't really justify it. Whoever gets to the bins first puts them out. I change the bedding. I usually put the washing in but since becoming upduffed OH won't let me carry it which is fine by me! Cleaning, I dust, hoover and clean the kitchen, OH does the bathrooms. At the moment though he won't let me hoover either (damn!). I do the rats food, and we clean the cage together.

I do most of it but I'm at home all day so I think that's fair. However, we also have children who are old enough to help out so they do chores to earn pocket money etc...

H does the garden because I have a tendency to kill plants just by looking at them! He also puts the bins out. The kids do the washing up, full the dishwasher and the ironing between them. My littlest man sets and clears the table for dinner and loves to Hoover. They all are responsible for their own rooms as well.

I do all the big cleaning jobs and attempt to keep the house tidy!!

Very sexist way of describing it, but we have the following lists:

Pink jobs - Cat litter, hoovering, dusting, clothes washing

Blue jobs - Bins, kitchen and bathroom

Both - Recycling, bed changing

He's pretty good. If I'm not in he'll just crack on, or if I'm doing a job he'll ask what he can do to help. I do all the washing as it's quicker, he doesnt sort the clothes into groups and cant hang up for toffee. When I hang I barely need to iron.

I tend to do the bathroom/kitchen and dusting myself as he never does it how I like it! I am a little bit OCD about the bathroom! I do the dusting and tidying. He does the bins, hoovering and the gress when that needs doing. We both do the washing loads but he does do the ironing so that is good.

I should probably state that we are child free and both work full time (exactly the same hours), but I clean both bathrooms, the kitchen, floor mopping, dusting, general tidying of things away, put away washing up (he does help with washing up),strip the bed, do the washing of things like bedding, towels etc, and often his clothes, put away all the washing, empty bins and often the hoovering. He does help with hoovering on occasion, but it's certainly not a regular thing he does. He does put the bins out (often doesn't bring them back into our garden mind), mows the lawn (in summer anyway) and usually does the fish tank water. He does clean his manroom, but that's only because I refuse to, but it has to get into an utterly filthy state before he does, plates and cups with actual mould growing, piles of dirty clothes and towels, dust and cat fur everywhere etc.

I'd say it's roughly a 50/50 split between us I wouldn't put up with it any other way! His standards probably aren't quite as high as mine and he can't iron at all so I do that. He works more hours than me so I don't mind doing more now and then. I think it's easy because he works shifts so if he doesn't start work till 3 he can put the washing in and hang it out then when I get back at 5 I can get it in and iron it. We both love cooking so whoevers in first will cook.

H does it all! he loves hovering and a good tidy, although he isn't great at dusting!

When we have guests staying I tend to have a crazy blitz and will do all the dusting and scrub the bathrooms. He loves it when my mum comes to stay!

I do kitchen, bathrooms (3), utility room and mop all floors that need mopping.

He does dusting/surfaces and hoovering as well as taking bins out/cat litter and so on.

We both tend to do the garden/changing beds/washing etc - if one of us is ill the other will take over. 2 hours on a Sunday and we have a sparkly house. We both work the same hours. I'd love a cleaner but can't justify one really when we can manage well enough.

We still don't have an even split. Definitely contemplating a cleaner.

I do the lion's share of all the cleaning. He will do things if asked, but otherwise just won't see them. Plus he is terrible at putting things away. Stuff just gets dropped wherever he last used it, and then he never knows where anything is!

I have improved things by asking him to do specific tasks at moments when I know he's not distracted by the TV/computer games, but still haven't mastered getting him to actually see when work needs to be done. Going on strike would be pointless because he would just carry on obliviously.

Amihohu, your "split" sounds a lot like mine, except mine doesn't even put the bins out (which as far as I am concerned is definitely a man's job). We both work full time, and away from home with longish commites.

I got home lateish on Wednesday after a work function to find that not only had he not fed himself, the kitchen was full of the detritus of dirty cups and glasses piled everywhere (he'd only been home alone for a few hours!) because he couldn't be bothered to unload the dishwasher.

I told him that when I started a new job, he would have to learn to pull his weight, and this thread has reignited those feelings (so thank you!) - I think I will start by getting him to cook on Saturday. (No, he doesn't do any of that either)

I'm in the same boat as Helenia - H will just not see when something needs to be done but if I remind him that I've asked him already, I'm a nag apparently. It drives me nuts because he wasn't always this bad. He was great when we met in uni, always tidy etc. but these days he'll just not bother. I'm not too bothered about the usual cleaning jobs but it's when he won't tidy up after himself that really annoys me. He stayed up late last night and I went to bed early but when I got up, there was biscuit packets left open in the living room, dirty cups, things strewn about the place and his response was 'I was too tired'! Definitely thinking of getting a cleaner because he, as helenia says above would just carry on obliviously.... Unless his mum came to stay, then he would do it....!

Also contemplating a cleaner but not sure we can justify it either - only two adults in a normal sized house should be able to cope! Although I do resent that some weekends, I'll spend all Saturday doing housework and he'll be watching/playing footie. I'm trying to keep on top of it during the week but normally too shattered as we both work long hours.

Me/pink jobs - ironing, washing, hoovering, dusting, drying up, cleaning bathrooms & kitchen and general day to day tidying.
Him/Blue jobs - cooking & DIY. He does do the bins and washing up unless he forgets and I step in!
Both - gardening & changing the bed.

What also bugs me that he'll make comments like "we need to keep on top of the washing, the basket is full" or "there's a pile of ironing on the stairs that I nearly tripped over" or "have you seen that spider web in the hall" but not do anything about it. AND when I ask him to do something I word it as "please could you do XX for me?" and then thank him - why?!?

Argh yeah,what is that about! H does that too! If I do the weekly food shop on my own (which I frequently do) he often complains that I haven't bought the right things.... Well bloody come with me then!

I feel your pain! My husband does nothing & basically refuses to. Or he says he will do it later and never actually does. He also won't cough up for a cleaner, I can't afford one on my own and tbh when I thought about it, I'd need one for almost every day coz OH is just that messy & rarely if ever tidies up after himself.

Im so sick of cleaning!!! Aahhh

I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way, but also a bit sad that so many of you feel the same,argh!

Mr Erin is fairly idle after nearly a decade he is a little bit better. His parents are staying at the moment and l see where he gets his messiness from.... Everything is left where it is used, nothing is put away. Cleaning standards are low and everything is a bit sticky now.

In theory we did 50/50 when we moved in together but that very quickly mophed into 70/30 at best. We have recently got a cleaner which is making life a lot easier. I always cook dinner and he always washs up. He never puts the washing maching on and ordering food shopping seems to have fallen to me. To be fair he puts the bins out, once they are literally over flowing.

Urgh, I think i'd sack your fella! Mine is actually amazing, he takes the bins out, does the dishwasher (which cut a lot of our cleaning issues when we bought that!) the lion's share of the washing up, and the hoovering. I do the washing, clean the bathroom, do the dusting (way less often than I should do!) and we go food shopping together. I do most of the cooking, but that's more because everything he cooks is really bad for you so we'd be huge if he cooked more! I'm a lucky girl :-) I wind him up though because i'm very messy, he calls my mess Emma droppings!

My jobs are:

All 3 cat litter trays

Take cats to vets

Wash up

Do the washing

Put washing away

Iron

Clean all of the house (3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, lounge, kitchen, hall) which includes dusting, cleaning, tidying and hoovering

Wash up

Put dry pots away

General tidy every day

His jobs:

Recycling once every 2 weeks

Bin every 2 weeks

Fix anything that breaks (not exactly a daily task)

Cut the grass (In winter it hardly needs doing)

He will sometimes wash my car, pick up the hoover if he is fed up of the cat litter. I have to ask him to do any other jobs but if I don't write a list he forgets, when I do write a list he moans.

I am getting really fed up at the minute, I probably work more hours than him yet I do all of the jobs. He still has to finish the jobs he started 2 months ago. I still can't use the cupboard under the sink because he hasn't fixed the leaks he started fixing in September. I fail to understand why I have to do everything just because "he is tired" God help him when the baby comes, if he doesn't pull his weight he will find himself very much alone!!!

I do nearly all of it but OH works really long hours and I don't work so this is fair. The only thing that winds me up is the fact that he doesn't pick up after himself. e.g. will open mail and just leave everything on the table - empty envelopes, junk mail, wrappers etc. If I tell him he will sort it but it annoys me that I have to tell an adult to do something so basic. He does do the bins and gardening and chops the wood for the fire and log burner. If I'm ill (at least once a week) he will cook dinner or do anything else that needs doing. In general I'm happy with the way things are but if I worked things would be very different.

H does most of the cleaning in our house!

I do all the cooking (and clean kitchen afterwards), he does the bathroom and all the dusting and hoovering and we both do washing, washing up and bins.

I do almost everything - we both work full time, although he leaves the house an hour before I do and gets back on average 2 hours later...so his days are longer but he does have an extra day off in the week...for the last few months neither of us have particularly bothered doing much around the house - its in a constant state of DIY so you kind of give up trying to be tidy...but otherwise:

things he will do sometimes - put the washing on (but 99% of the time wont hang it on the racks to dry) and every now and then he'll clean the kitchen and the bathrooms...he'll also do his share of the cooking, and empties the dishwasher a lot...and when he does clean the kitchen he does a good job of it, I'll give him that!

I hoover/mop, tidy up, clean bathrooms/kitchen, dust, do the gardening, the DIY, wash, iron and put clothes away, feed and water the cats...

I know he cant do most of it so generally it doesnt bother me...though at least once a month (hmmm...PMT-y, me?!) I'll rage about how he doesnt do a bloody thing around the house and how he takes advantage, and how bang out of order it is that Im treated like a slave in my own home, and that Im not a bloody skivvy - I swear he just apologises and looks contrite and does a bit more for a few days til I calm down again and so the cycle continues!

The thing that most bothers me (and this is anytime of the month lol) is that he wont put his clothes away - just leaves them on the bed/chair/floor next to washing basket (WHY - ITS RIGHT NEXT TO IT!!) and his paperwork - it drives me NUTS! post and work stuff is just piled up on the kitchen table or in the study - he wont move any of it - if I say 'can I put this away' he'll say 'no, if its not out and in front of me I'll forget about it' - you forget about it when it is out and in front of you! bloody argh!!!

And I'm another one who doesnt understand why I'll ask nicely if he'll do something and say thanks when its done? what is that about?

roll on the day we can get a cleaner - maybe a post wedding treat after other expenses are less...

Mine does the exact same thing. Why would you not put an empty envelope in a bin when you're sat right opposite one? Argh. Once a week I collect all his debris from around the living room, bedroom and hall and pile it onto the dining table and tell him to shift it all - only then will he actually deal with stuff. I am not especially tidy so I don't have a lot of room to criticise, but I have been asking/telling him to hoover (it hurts my back) for about a month, and he hasn't done it yet. We also had a terrible case of fruit flies in the kitchen over the summer cos he had bought fruit and left it uneaten to rot. We've only just got on top of that.

When OH and I got together he had a habit of leaving his clothes all over the place. I put in place a collection of laundry bins - 1 for towels, 1 for his work clothes (he's a builder) and 1 for normal laundry. I made it clear that I was only washing things that were in the laundry baskets. because he knows I mean it he has got into the habit of using the baskets.

To be honest if I were in the position of most of you - working full-time and still doing the bulk of the work I would get pretty militant pretty quickly.

If he leaves his clothes on the floor make sure you walk on them, when he complains reply in a calm voice "the floor is for walking on" and carry on with whatever you are doing. If he doesn't put his clothes in the laundry don't wash them. When he complains he hasn't got any clean clothes just tell him you washed everything that was in the basket.

For those of you who have tried everything but still can't get him to contribute to the household duties then you need to get tactical about what you do and don't do. e.g. if you stop cleaning then you also have to live in dirt but if you stop doing his laundry (even if it's in the basket) it is only him that suffers. Don't iron his clothes if he's not contributing to things that benefit you both why should you do something that only benefits him. Tell him that if he doesn't want to take his turn shopping you're not interested in hearing what you forgot to buy - you haven't forgotten it, he has failed to buy it. Don't buy his toiletries etc. If he still doesn't change his attitude then cook dinner for yourself only. Tell him upfront that this is how it's going to be and then stick to it. When he finally realises you aren't going to give in he will have to start looking after himself or contribute to joint responsibilities.

It might make things uncomfortable for a while but in the long run you won't be running yourself ragged for someone who doesn't appreciate it.

I do all the cleaning. OH will take out the rubbish/recycling/compost and maybe wash up every other saturday. I do only work part time though and he works full time so I see it as 'my job'.

I had forgotten about the clothes thing. I am having an amnesty in the spare room this weekend as Mr Erin has been chucking his clothes in there. I am not sure what is or isn't clean plus Rudy cat has been using them for a bed

Is it unreasonable to expect that when sanding has been done which creates a whole load of dust that H actually dusts?? I have just got home after a 10 hour shift to find all the door handles and banister covered in a thick layer of dust so guess who will be dusting at 4am?! If I ask him about it he will get all defensive saying that he has done the sanding, what more do I want. Funny though how I manage to clear up the wallpaper strippings and put the room back together after I have finished before I went to work...

Argh! The NOT PUTTING AWAY! Why would you open a letter and leave the envelope lying around? Why drape every chair around the dining table with your coats rather than hanging stuff up? Why are your ski boots still in the living room?

He's not too bad with laundry, generally - he knows I'll only wash what's in the basket, and occasionally will even use his initiative and put a load on himself. It's the untidiness that does my head in. And then as a result not knowing where anything is, and getting me to help find it because I have some kind of magical finding skills.

Erin - by amnesty do you mean that you are going to do the work? Why? They are his clothes. It seems you have already laundered some of them and now they will be laundered again when they haven't even been worn. If you keep doing it for him why would he do it himself?

Oggers - I wish I'd seen your post at 4am. I'd have got the vacuum cleaner on it. If he doesn't want to have his sleep disturbed he shouldn't do half a job. Try putting his clothes in the washer and then leaving them for however many days, when he asks about it say 'I put them in the washer, what more do you want' . It really is the same thing.

The main thing for me is that my approach to everything in life is if I don't like it I do something about it. If I'm not prepared to do something about it I have no right to moan about it. Yes, it can sometimes be confrontational but everyone knows where they stand with me, no second guessing required.

I do the majority of it, but then I am a SAHM, so it is "my job". However, I will not, and do not tidy up after my H.

I have very high standards when it comes to my cleaning, and don't trust my H to do it the way I would. When he does clean, I go over it again.

My boys (aged 3 and 10) also tidy up after themselves. Just because I am a SAHM, does not mean I am a skivvy.

I'd say we have a fairly even split, which is funny, cos if you were to ask OH he'd say he does the lions share!

I do all the cooking, shopping, ironing and bathroom cleaning. I do the majority but not all of the piggy feeding, dusting and general tidying.

He does all the lawnmowing and wood chopping. He also does the majority, but not all, of the laundry and washing-up and vacuuming.

Other jobs we just get round to when we get round to them. Typicaly i have higher standards than OH so i actually prefer it if i can beat him to a job, because i feel less resentful about doing a whole job than'fixing' a half assed job, and OH gets understandably tetchy if i follow him round re-doing the work he's just done.

Like several others have mentioned, he is hellishly untidy. I can't stand clutter, which he leaves everywhere. We've had countless argunments caused by his inability to tidy up after himself and my inability to distunguish between an 'important' screw/washer/rubber band/scrap of paper with numbers scribbled on, and stuff that looks exactly she same but is in fact junk. My solution to this is his 'sh1t box'. I just clear all the crap off the surfaces into the box each day, then he knows where to look whenever he has lost something important!

This! Recently I threw away a dentist appointment card with one appointment on it from 4 years ago. His family dentist so he doesn't need it for the number but "might reuse it at some point". So now he has progressed from a sh1t box to a small sh1t unit. In the Yorkshire house he has an entire sh1t room with an unfathomable amount of 'important' bits of paper that are so important they have laid untouched for several years.

I do most of the housework although we work similar hours so I'd had enough and now pay for the cleaner in the house down south. he has just about worked out how to actually open the dishwasher and put stuff in rather than just leaving it in the ' dishwasher zone'. I then have to reload it properly! He tidies the kitchen if he is bored waiting for me to get ready. So now I take an extra half an hour longer to get ready than I ever did.

He sorts out the recycling and mows the lawn. I won't iron his shirts so he does his own. he also recently started feeding the cats in a morning so now Millycat claws his face at 5am not mine. Result!

For an intelligent guy who can run multi million pound construction projects he is incapable of working out what is dark and light washing. So plain white shirts regularly appear in the dark basket. Where they stay and are washed in what I call washing roulette. Unfortunately none have been ruined yet.